ICE, ICE, BABY
How to choose an NHL team if you're done with the Texans
Sep 25, 2018, 7:05 am
Either the Flyers or Devils would be a good choice to root for. Jim McIsaac/Getty Images
If you're like any number of Houstonians this past weekend, you've probably reached the end of your rope with the Texans. If I'm mistaken, and you enjoy watching Bill O’Brien continue to waste three and a half hours of your fall Sundays then by all means disregard this exercise, go Texans. If I've piqued your interest then allow me to pose a few questions.
What if there was something else out there you could watch? What if there was another sport that - like football - seamlessly blended athleticism and brutality? What if - dare I suggest - we watched something besides a Texans team that has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt its inability to properly coach in critical moments or evaluate free agents and draft talent beyond the first round?
Houston football has been mired in mediocrity for years now, and it seemed each year there was a justifiable excuse. This year is different. This was supposed to be the year that the stars aligned with a vaunted defense and an electric offense finally coming together at the same time. Instead, it looks like just another disappointing year, but this time there are no excuses to lean on.
So I've decided as a result that this is the year I give hockey its due diligence. As a native Houstonian I've had little reason to immerse myself in the sport seeing as there has never been a local (professional) team, but at 32 I believe that excuse has lost enough tread and it's time to expand. What better time to do so than during the NHL preseason just after the Texans have all but verified another upcoming season of futility? But how to go about picking a team?
I figured I'd start by eliminating cities I simply can't root for. A few fall off immediately:
Boston Bruins - if their fans are as obnoxious as Patriots fans then I can't associate with that.
Detroit Red Wings - Lazy pick, too bandwagon. Also, they're bad.
New York Rangers - Won't root for anything New York, so I guess the Islanders are gone as well
Los Angeles Kings - Won't root for L.A. either. Third Coast all the way baby.
Chicago - Not only because it's Chicago, but also because they've won a few cups recently, so it would be a lazy trendy pick. Also, I don't want to get sick of hearing Chelsea Dagger.
Washington Capitals - I like the team and I like Ovechkin, but they just won the whole thing and I can't hop on the bandwagon.
Pittsburgh Penguins - Way too trendy. As one hockey enthusiast claims “They're like the Yankees of hockey.” So yeah. No.
Every Canadian team because I don't want to go through customs to see a home game.
Dallas Stars - It's Dallas. It is Texas, but it's also Dallas.
OK, plenty of teams eliminated already. The next easiest way to get rid of a few teams is to eliminate based off of logo or uniform. Because if you're not forced to pick something as dumb as Houston's Texas Flag Bull amalgamation, then don't. A few more fall off as a result:
Anaheim Ducks - They were cool before they rebranded.
St. Louis Blues - It's a music note.
Colorado Avalanche - Just a goofy pairing of steel blue and burgundy that I can't sign off on.
Minnesota Wild - It's probably cool in Minnesota, and I get what they're doing with the hunter green motif, it's just not my thing.
Carolina Hurricanes - The logo and jerseys look like they were lazily created in a video game.
Now let's eliminate some of the worst teams, because if we're watching hockey to avoid watching bad football, there's no point in replacing it with bad hockey. They don't have to be world beaters for me, but I'd like to be less frustrated. That filters out the Buffalo Sabres and Arizona Coyotes.
Eight candidates left. I'm not very keen on the idea of my hockey team being from Nashville, Columbus, or Florida, so those are gone.
That leaves the New Jersey Devils, Philadelphia Flyers, San Jose Sharks, and Las Vegas Golden Knights.
I actually would like to watch whatever team I choose, and any Astros fan worth their salt knows how much fun it is to catch those West Coast road trips. A 9 p.m. start time for home games doesn't excite me one bit so that knocks out San Jose and - unfortunately -Vegas.
That leaves Philly and Jersey.
Now New Jersey has an awesome logo and mascot, but Philly has a great jersey. Both had fairly even decent seasons last year as well but two things stand out for Philly to me that win me over:
First, from what I've gathered, they're a young, up and coming team, a la 2015 Astros.
Second, it seems like everyone not from Philly hates them. Being from Houston, my teams rarely move the needle for anyone. You never hear “How can you be fans of Houston?!” No one hates the Texans, they just don't care about them. No one hates the Astros, they're too much fun to watch and they haven't done anything to anyone except LA. Some people grumble about the Rockets but that moreso directed at James Harden’s playstyle than anything.
Let's go with the polarizing team for once. Let's be hated. Go Flyers.
And there it is. What you have laid out for you is a foolproof procedure for choosing your very own hockey team to root for. Tinker with the eliminations as you see fit and see what you come up with. Then join me hand in hand into a wonderful new sports territory; a land scarcely explored by fellow Houstonians, yet fully embraced by her transplants.
Or hold fast and watch the Texans ship sink to the depths of the AFC South once again. Your call.
***NOTE: This article is null and void in the event of Houston landing its own NHL team.***
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Through 20 games, the Houston Astros have managed just six wins and are in last place in the AL West.
Their pitching staff trails only Colorado with a 5.24 ERA and big-money new closer Josh Hader has given up the same number of earned runs in 10 games as he did in 61 last year.
Despite this, these veteran Astros, who have reached the AL Championship Series seven consecutive times, have no doubt they’ll turn things around.
“If there’s a team that can do it, it’s this team,” shortstop Jeremy Peña said.
First-year manager Joe Espada, who was hired in January to replace the retired Dusty Baker, discussed his team’s early struggles.
“It’s not ideal,” he said. “It’s not what we expected, to come out of the shoot playing this type of baseball. But you know what, this is where we’re at and we’ve got to pick it up and play better. That’s just the bottom line.”
Many of Houston’s problems have stemmed from a poor performance by a rotation that has been decimated by injuries. Ace Justin Verlander and fellow starter José Urquidy haven’t pitched this season because of injuries and lefty Framber Valdez made just two starts before landing on the injured list with a sore elbow.
Ronel Blanco, who threw a no-hitter in his season debut April 1, has pitched well and is 2-0 with a 0.86 ERA in three starts this season. Cristian Javier is also off to a good start, going 2-0 with a 1.54 ERA in four starts, but the team has won just two games not started by those two pitchers.
However, Espada wouldn’t blame the rotation for Houston’s current position.
“It’s been a little bit of a roller coaster how we've played overall,” he said. “One day we get good starting pitching, some days we don’t. The middle relief has been better and sometimes it hasn’t been. So, we’ve just got to put it all together and then play more as a team. And once we start doing that, we’ll be in good shape.”
The good news for the Astros is that Verlander will make his season debut Friday night when they open a series at Washington and Valdez should return soon after him.
“Framber and Justin have been a great part of our success in the last few years,” second baseman Jose Altuve said. “So, it’s always good to have those two guys back helping the team. We trust them and I think it’s going to be good.”
Hader signed a five-year, $95 million contract this offseason to give the Astros a shutdown 7-8-9 combination at the back end of their bullpen with Bryan Abreu and Ryan Pressly. But the five-time All-Star is off to a bumpy start.
He allowed four runs in the ninth inning of a 6-1 loss to the Braves on Monday night and has yielded eight earned runs this season after giving up the same number in 56 1/3 innings for San Diego last year.
He was much better Wednesday when he struck out the side in the ninth before the Astros fell to Atlanta in 10 innings for their third straight loss.
Houston’s offense, led by Altuve, Yordan Alvarez and Kyle Tucker, ranks third in the majors with a .268 batting average and is tied for third with 24 homers this season. But the Astros have struggled with runners in scoring position and often failed to get a big hit in close games.
While many of Houston’s hitters have thrived this season, one notable exception is first baseman José Abreu. The 37-year-old, who is in the second year of a three-year, $58.5 million contract, is hitting 0.78 with just one extra-base hit in 16 games, raising questions about why he remains in the lineup every day.
To make matters worse, his error on a routine ground ball in the eighth inning Wednesday helped the Braves tie the game before they won in extra innings.
Espada brushed off criticism of Abreu and said he knows the 2020 AL MVP can break out of his early slump.
“Because (of) history,” Espada said. “The back of his baseball card. He can do it.”
Though things haven’t gone well for the Astros so far, everyone insists there’s no panic in this team which won its second World Series in 2022.
Altuve added that he doesn’t have to say anything to his teammates during this tough time.
“I think they’ve played enough baseball to know how to control themselves and how to come back to the plan we have, which is winning games,” he said.
The clubhouse was quiet and somber Wednesday after the Astros suffered their third series sweep of the season and second at home. While not panicking about the slow start, this team, which has won at least 90 games in each of the last three seasons, is certainly not happy with its record.
“We need to do everything better,” third baseman Alex Bregman said. “I feel like we’re in a lot of games, but we just haven’t found a way to win them. And good teams find a way to win games. So we need to find a way to win games.”