The Couch Slouch
Upon even further review, NFL replay isn't solving anything
Sep 30, 2019, 7:26 am
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In an adult lifetime of myriad miscalculation, I have been absolutely right about only three things – the delight of Popeyes chicken, the danger of the Internet and the disaster of replay as an officiating tool.
This must be at least the seventh time I have written about replay after pledging to never write about replay again.
Since the first version of replay was used by the NFL in 1986, I have argued that this is a long road to ruin. For those of you just joining us in America, let's review the basics again:
Replay shatters the flow of the game.
Replay reduces the spontaneous joy of the game.
Replay changes how we watch the game.
All of this in the name of the mantra of replay ruffians: We've got to get it right.
Actually, we don't have to get it right – a missed call here and there has yet to tumble any republic – and, actually, despite all the time they take, they sometimes still don't get it right.
For a moment, let's give the yahoos the benefit of the doubt and assume that, with replay, they now get it right all of the time.
So what?
Are we better off?
If replay were used during, say, a honeymoon, I guess that might ensure that eventually you would get it right, but it really takes all the romance out of it, no?
In certain areas of life, getting it is right is simply not that critical.
Yes, with education, health care and climate change, you want to get it right.
But pass interference?
A nation turns its lonely eyes to the side judge?
During the Chiefs-Raiders game on CBS Sept. 15, Jim Nantz and Tony Romo were talking about how the standard for the challenge to overturn a call or a non-call on pass interference is "egregious," not just that it is "clear and obvious." Huh? It either is or isn't – why is it a matter of degree? Isn't the replay done to take out the subjective element and this just adds a subjective element to it?
Heck, my Twitter account filed a workers comp suit against me for the overload caused by all the pass-interference contretemps in last Thursday night's Eagles-Packers game.
Pass interference is this season's holy grail of replay; it was inevitable. Slowly but surely, we will reach the point in which every play of every game is reviewed.
For replay as an officiating tool, my friends, is a slippery slope, which causes "slippery slope syndrome" – from the Latin slopus slipperitis syndromus – first identified by Eratosthenes on a Carnivalus Cruise to Crete in 223 B.C.
Are some of you still baffled by the perils of a slippery slope?
Basically, it is a slope that is slippery. Why is this important? Because when you are on a slope, it is hard to get solid footing because you are on a slope. And if it's real slippery, boy oh boy, every time you try to get traction, you slip a little and then you slip a little more and, sooner or later, in your attempt to climb the slope or even just maintain your position on the slope, you discover you've slipped to the bottom of the slope.
And do you know what is at the bottom of the slope?
A lot of people who have made their bed and now everybody – players, coaches, fans, on-field officials, replay officials, NFL officiating center honchos in New York, yammering talking heads on TV and radio – has to lie in it. That is one crowded bed; it's no wonder somebody falls off of it from time to time.
Anyway, I have been told repeatedly that once we began this replay routine, we could never return to the old ways. Uh, guess what? You can put the genie back in the bottle, and if you bought the bottle at Costco, they will even refund your money, no questions asked.
Incidentally, did you see what happened to the Saints last season against the Rams in the NFC championship game? That had to be pass interference – how come that wasn't a big deal?
Ask the slouch
Q. WAR (Wins Above Replacement) seems to be the rage with MLB stat freaks. If WAR could be calculated for sportswriters, any idea what yours might be? (Joel Miller; Pittsburgh)
A. In sportswriting, we have EAR (Expenses Above Replacement); as someone who only consumes yogurt and Yuengling on business trips, I believe my numbers would be the envy of the industry.
Q. If I take your advice and stop actually bowling to watch bowling, can I get paid for it like Eli Manning is getting paid to watch football? (Tom Logan; Sterling, Va.)
A. Uh, I didn't tell anybody to stop bowling so they could watch bowling. YOU CAN DO BOTH. Geez. You bowl during business hours and you watch DVR'd bowling after business hours. How hard is that?
Q. Maryland football this season has won, 79-0, and lost, 59-0. Does a Maryland education prepare its student-athletes for such emotional swings? (Lisa Epstein; Lansing, Mich.)
A. A Maryland education generally prepares its student-athletes for the night shift at Jiffy Lube.
Q. Is it true that the NFL is suing SeaWorld for exclusive use of the term "Dolphin Tank"? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
What looked like a minor blip after an emotional series win in Los Angeles has turned into something more concerning for the Houston Astros.
Swept at home by a Guardians team that came in riding a 10-game losing streak, the Astros were left looking exposed. Not exhausted, as injuries, underperformance, and questionable decision-making converged to hand Houston one of its most frustrating series losses of the year.
Depth finally runs dry
It would be easy to point to a “Dodger hangover” as the culprit, the emotional peak of an 18-1 win at Chavez Ravine followed by a mental lull. But that’s not the story here.
Houston’s energy was still evident, especially in the first two games of the series, where the offense scored five or more runs each time. Including those, the Astros had reached that mark in eight of their last 10 games heading into Wednesday’s finale.
But scoring isn’t everything, not when a lineup held together by duct tape and desperation is missing Christian Walker and Jake Meyers and getting critical at-bats from Cooper Hummel, Zack Short, and other journeymen.
The lack of depth finally showed. The Astros, for three days, looked more like a Triple-A squad with Jose Altuve and a couple big-league regulars sprinkled in.
Cracks in the pitching core
And the thing that had been keeping this team afloat, elite pitching, finally buckled.
Hunter Brown and Josh Hader, both dominant all season, finally cracked. Brown gave up six runs in six innings, raising his pristine 1.82 ERA to 2.21. Hader wasn’t spared either, coughing up a game-losing grand slam in extra innings that inflated his ERA from 1.80 to 2.38 in one night.
But the struggles weren’t isolated. Bennett Sousa, Kaleb Ort, and Steven Okert each gave up runs at critical moments. The bullpen’s collective fade could not have come at a worse time for a team already walking a tightrope.
Injury handling under fire
Houston’s injury management is also drawing heat, and rightfully so. Jake Meyers, who had been nursing a calf strain, started Wednesday’s finale. He didn’t even make it through one pitch before aggravating the injury and needing to be helped off the field.
No imaging before playing him. No cautionary rest despite the All-Star break looming. Just a rushed return in a banged-up lineup, and it backfired immediately.
Second-guessing has turned to outright criticism of the Astros’ medical staff, as fans and analysts alike wonder whether these mounting injuries are being made worse by how the club is handling them.
Pressure mounts on Dana Brown
All eyes now turn to Astros GM Dana Brown. The Astros are limping into the break with no clear reinforcements on the immediate horizon. Only Chas McCormick is currently rehabbing in Sugar Land. Everyone else? Still sidelined.
Brown will need to act — and soon.
At a minimum, calling up top prospect Brice Matthews makes sense. He’s been mashing in Triple-A (.283/.400/.476, 10 HR, .876 OPS) and could play second base while Jose Altuve shifts to left field more regularly. With Mauricio Dubón stretched thin between shortstop and center, injecting Matthews’ upside into the infield is a logical step.
*Editor's note: The Astros must be listening, Matthews was called up Thursday afternoon!
The Astros are calling up Brice Matthews, their top prospect on @MLBPipeline
via @brianmctaggart pic.twitter.com/K91cGKkcx6
— FOX Sports: MLB (@MLBONFOX) July 10, 2025
There’s also trade chatter, most notably about Orioles outfielder Cedric Mullins, but excitement has been tepid. His numbers don’t jump off the page, but compared to who the Astros are fielding now, Mullins would be a clear upgrade and a much-needed big-league presence.
A final test before the break
Before the All-Star reset, Houston gets one last chance to stabilize the ship, and it comes in the form of a rivalry series against the Texas Rangers. The Astros will send their top trio — Lance McCullers Jr., Framber Valdez, and Hunter Brown — to the mound for a three-game set that will test their resolve, their health, and perhaps their postseason aspirations.
The Silver Boot is up for grabs. So is momentum. And maybe, clarity on just how far this version of the Astros can go.
There's so much more to discuss! Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!
The MLB season is finally upon us! Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday.
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*ChatGPT assisted.
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