BARRY BAD DAY

Barry Laminack: Archie Bradley is not afraid to do the dirty work, apparently

Baseball can be a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. Mark Brown/Getty Images

Archie Bradley is as nasty as they come, but in one particular game this year it wasn’t just his stuff that was filthy.

The Diamondbacks closer joined Tim Brown on the June 26 Yahoo Sports MLB Podcast and told a tale of tragedy, perseverance, and triumph.  

The closer told Brown about a game earlier this year were he had to take the field with boo-boo in his pants.

“I was warming up to go in a game. I knew I had the next hitter. I knew he was on deck. The at-bat was kinda taking a little bit. As a bullpen guy in these big situations, I call ’em nervous pees, where like I don’t have to pee a lot, but I know I have to pee before I go in the game. I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Bradley said to Yahoo Sports.

“So it’s a 2-2 count, and I’m like, ‘Man, I have to pee. I have to go pee.’ So I run in our bathroom real quick, I’m ready to go. I’m trying to pee and I actually sh-- my pants. Like right before I’m about to go in the game, I pooped my pants. I’m like ‘Oh my gosh.’ I know I’m a pitch away from going in the game, so I’m scrambling to clean myself up. I get it cleaned up the best I can, button my pants up, and our bullpen coach Mike Fetters says, ‘Hey, you’re in the game.’ So I’m jogging into the game to pitch with poop in my pants essentially.

“It was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been on the mound. And I actually had a good inning. I had a clean inning…”

I see what you did there Archie…

“...and I walked in the dugout and I was like, ‘Guys, I just sh-- myself.’ They didn’t believe me, then the bullpen came in and they’re like ‘Oh my God, you had to see this.'”

(source)

We've all been there. Of course, not all of us happend to do it at work, but at some point in our adult lives everyone has pooped their pants (yes, sharts count).

I feel bad for the guy. I mean, some of us have jobs that afford us the opportunity to delay work while we clear our bowels. While I’m doing radio, I can use the 3-4 minutes between segments to drop the kids off at the pool if I have to. Heck, most of you reading this probably have an office job where you spend upwards of 30 minutes in the bathroom, sometimes several times a day. Many of you might actually be reading this on the toilet right now (thanks for that, by the way).

I do feel bad for the folks that don't have the opportunity to poop at work like construction workers, lawn care folks, and hookers.

I've been there too.

As a stand-up comedian you don't get a break during your set. You’re on stage for sometimes up to 45 minutes to an hour, and if you have to poop in that hour you can't just walk off stage and then come back later and finish the show.

One time earlier this year I was working a club in San Antonio and I had to warn the club manager before I hit the stage that I had the bubble guts and “dooty” might call me at any moment.

I warned that if 5 minutes in to my 30 minutes set he heard me say “well that’s my time goodnight” and saw me run off the stage, to please send the MC back up to continue the show because I’ll do just about anything for a laugh on stage, but sh--ting my pants is on the “won't do” list.

So cut Bradley some slack. Besides, who cares if he pitched one inning with some boo-boo in his pants, Dallas Keuchel has been sh--ting the bed all year.

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Correa knows it's time for his payday. Composite image by Jack Brame.

The Rangers made a big splash over the weekend when they agreed to terms on a 7-year $175 million contract with infielder Marcus Semien. Apparently, that was just the tip of the iceberg. According to multiple reports, the Rangers have also added arguably the most coveted player in free agency, Corey Seager. Seager and the Rangers have agreed to a massive 10-year $325 million contract.

Before the Seager news broke, many were starting to wonder if teams would be willing to hand out 10-year deals for over 300 million dollars with the lockout just around the corner. Now we have our answer, and Carlos Correa has to be a very happy man to see how the market is shifting. The Rangers not only added two incredible players, but they also made it pretty much a certainty that Correa will either leave Houston, or the Astros will have to sign him to a long-term $300 million deal, which is not likely based on their stance on multi-year big money contracts.

The Rangers aren't the only team in the AL West making blockbuster moves. The Mariners agreed to terms with 2021 AL Cy Young Award winner Robbie Ray on Monday. Ray and Seattle agreed to a 5-year, $115 million contract.

The Angels joined in on the action a couple of weeks ago when they signed Noah Syndergard to a 1-year 21 million dollar deal.

Clearly, the AL West is on notice that they're going to have to make big changes if they want to compete with the Houston Astros who have dominated the AL recently with 5 straight ALCS appearances and 3 trips to the World Series. With Correa likely out the door in Houston, these teams might believe this is a perfect time to make a run at the division and finally knock off the Astros. Only time will tell if these deals will work, and the Astros look to have a terrific team this season whether Correa returns or not.

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