BARRY BAD DAY

Barry Laminack: Archie Bradley is not afraid to do the dirty work, apparently

Baseball can be a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. Mark Brown/Getty Images

Archie Bradley is as nasty as they come, but in one particular game this year it wasn’t just his stuff that was filthy.

The Diamondbacks closer joined Tim Brown on the June 26 Yahoo Sports MLB Podcast and told a tale of tragedy, perseverance, and triumph.  

The closer told Brown about a game earlier this year were he had to take the field with boo-boo in his pants.

“I was warming up to go in a game. I knew I had the next hitter. I knew he was on deck. The at-bat was kinda taking a little bit. As a bullpen guy in these big situations, I call ’em nervous pees, where like I don’t have to pee a lot, but I know I have to pee before I go in the game. I can’t believe I’m telling you this,” Bradley said to Yahoo Sports.

“So it’s a 2-2 count, and I’m like, ‘Man, I have to pee. I have to go pee.’ So I run in our bathroom real quick, I’m ready to go. I’m trying to pee and I actually sh-- my pants. Like right before I’m about to go in the game, I pooped my pants. I’m like ‘Oh my gosh.’ I know I’m a pitch away from going in the game, so I’m scrambling to clean myself up. I get it cleaned up the best I can, button my pants up, and our bullpen coach Mike Fetters says, ‘Hey, you’re in the game.’ So I’m jogging into the game to pitch with poop in my pants essentially.

“It was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been on the mound. And I actually had a good inning. I had a clean inning…”

I see what you did there Archie…

“...and I walked in the dugout and I was like, ‘Guys, I just sh-- myself.’ They didn’t believe me, then the bullpen came in and they’re like ‘Oh my God, you had to see this.'”

(source)

We've all been there. Of course, not all of us happend to do it at work, but at some point in our adult lives everyone has pooped their pants (yes, sharts count).

I feel bad for the guy. I mean, some of us have jobs that afford us the opportunity to delay work while we clear our bowels. While I’m doing radio, I can use the 3-4 minutes between segments to drop the kids off at the pool if I have to. Heck, most of you reading this probably have an office job where you spend upwards of 30 minutes in the bathroom, sometimes several times a day. Many of you might actually be reading this on the toilet right now (thanks for that, by the way).

I do feel bad for the folks that don't have the opportunity to poop at work like construction workers, lawn care folks, and hookers.

I've been there too.

As a stand-up comedian you don't get a break during your set. You’re on stage for sometimes up to 45 minutes to an hour, and if you have to poop in that hour you can't just walk off stage and then come back later and finish the show.

One time earlier this year I was working a club in San Antonio and I had to warn the club manager before I hit the stage that I had the bubble guts and “dooty” might call me at any moment.

I warned that if 5 minutes in to my 30 minutes set he heard me say “well that’s my time goodnight” and saw me run off the stage, to please send the MC back up to continue the show because I’ll do just about anything for a laugh on stage, but sh--ting my pants is on the “won't do” list.

So cut Bradley some slack. Besides, who cares if he pitched one inning with some boo-boo in his pants, Dallas Keuchel has been sh--ting the bed all year.

Alvarez is the third in franchise history to get the award

Astros' Yordan Alvarez wins AL Rookie of the Year

Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images

As expected, the MLB announced on Monday that the winner of the 2019 American League Rookie of the Year Award is Yordan Alvarez of the Houston Astros. It comes as no surprise, considering Alvarez's performance since being called up on June 9th of this season was powerful, to say the least. He beats out the two other finalists: John Means of the Baltimore Orioles and Brandon Lowe of the Tampa Bay Rays.

After dominating at the AAA level for the Round Rock Express where he led the minors in home runs (23) and RBIs (71) while hitting for a .343 average and 1.184 OPS over his 56 games before being promoted to the major leagues, he brought the same power to Houston's lineup. He wasted no time showing what he was capable of, notching his first career home run in his second at-bat at Minute Maid Park in his debut game.

He followed that by hitting home runs in four of his first five games and going on to slash .317 / .406 / .733 for a 1.139 OPS from his debut through the end of June, tenth best in all of the majors over that span. Though he finished the month with seven homers in just 60 at-bats, he also maintained his ability to drive in runs, notching 21 RBIs in his first sixteen games. He slowed down slightly in July, banging just five homers in 75 ABs to go along with 15 RBIs, though increasing his average to .333.

He picked the power back up in August and September, though, finishing the final two months of the regular season with a combined 15 home runs and 42 RBIs over 178 at-bats. That ended his regular season with 27 homers, 78 RBIs, a 1.067 OPS, and .313 average, a line that would have been decent for a full season, much less one that started in early June. One of the shining moments of his debut year came in the matchup with the Orioles on August 10th, a night when the Astros put up a franchise-record 23 runs, seven of which came off the bat of Alvarez on a three-homer night including a grand slam.

Although not factored into the voting, Alvarez did contribute in the postseason for Houston, though not at the same level as his regular-season numbers. He had just one home run in the playoffs, a two-run blast in World Series Game 5 against the Nationals in D.C. to help Houston take that game 7-1. He had just one other RBI in October, in ALDS Game 1 against the Rays, giving him just three total along with the one homer to leave his postseason stat line as something to improve on.

Nonetheless, Alvarez's power is something that Houston will gladly put in their DH spot as long as he can continue to drive in runs and be a difference-maker in a game with one swing of his hefty bat. Yordan is the third player in franchise history to win the Rookie of the Year award, joining Jeff Bagwell, who took home the honor for the National League in 1991 and Carlos Correa, who also won in the American League in 2015. The future is bright for this left-handed slugger and the Houston Astros as a result.

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