The Couch Slouch
Reviewing an old problem: NFL replay remains a joke
Jan 13, 2020, 6:55 am
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Al Riveron
Note to Readers: The bad news? This will be my 38th column on replay since 1986. The good news? When I get to my 40th, I will retire to an elder care facility in suburban Monte Carlo that has eight bowling lanes, two air hockey tables and a vending machine that sells Bugles.
To be fair, replay as an officiating tool remains only the fifth-worst global problem, behind climate change, world hunger, the decline of American exceptionalism and the inability to find anything you like when clothes shopping.
It is an endless procession of did-he-or-didn't-he moments to examine:
Did he cross the goal line? Are his feet in or out on the sideline? Did he maintain possession through the process of the catch? Did his knee hit the ground before he fumbled? Did the ball hit the ground after he caught it? Was the quarterback's arm going forward?
My goodness, President Trump won't even release his tax returns – how can we be reviewing THIS RUBBISH?
This remains a rabbit hole from which we can never dig out.
Life is always better when you just let it happen. We shouldn't take photos of our food when it's served, we shouldn't analyze sunsets and waterfalls, we shouldn't review where the official spots the ball on a third-and-six completion that goes for 5¾ yards.
The NFL put in a replay rule change this season to deal with exactly what transpired in New Orleans a weekend ago – the last play of a postseason game, on a decisive touchdown in which an apparent offensive pass interference went uncalled, and they did not even review it.
That's like installing a metal detector at a nightclub and letting "Wild Bill" Hickock walk through the front door without turning it on.
It was such an obvious push-off by Kyle Rudolph, it shoved me off my own sofa.
By the way, if they had overturned it, what a mess. You have this dramatic, overtime-ending touchdown pass. You have half the Minnesota Vikings streaming across the field with helmets off to celebrate with Rudolph, and the other half sprinting into the locker room. And then, several minutes later, you have The Eye in the Sky bellowing:
"Offensive pass interference. No touchdown. Players, please return to the huddle. Fans, please return to your seats."
And who would determine this? NFL officiating czar Al Riveron.
Al Riveron? Who is this guy? He has more power than a Supreme Court justice and is more mysterious than The Man in the Iron Mask. Remember in "The Wizard of Oz," the Wizard was just some small chap behind a curtain? Well, Riveron is just some middle-aged fella on a Park Avenue BarcaLounger watching a bank of screens while guzzling Bud Light with clicker in hand.
He decides the fate of all NFL games?
This is insanity.
Just play the game, make the calls, move on.
You're cooking a three-egg omelette. You drop one of the eggs. You just get another egg out of the fridge and call Daisy in to lick the yolk off the kitchen floor. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
You're bowling. Your buddy may or may not be going over the foul line when releasing the ball. So what? You buy him another Yuengling and a corn dog. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
You have a fender bender on the 405. You yell for a bit, argue briefly with the other motorist, then exchange insurance information and get back into the car. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
You are married. Then you go to family court, and you are no longer married. Do you make a big stink about it? Negative. You go home, you lick your wounds, you get back on the Tinder horse. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
I am constantly told: The genie is out of the bottle, there is no going back. Really? Why not? This genie is unsightly, unworthy and unneeded. Costco lets you return any merchandise for any reason – what, we can't stuff this demonic spirit back into the decanter and send it out to sea?
I'd watch that replay again and again.
Ask the Slouch
Q. The Los Angeles Dodgers signed pitcher Jimmy Nelson to a one-year $1.25 million contract, with as much as $13 million (!) in incentives if he lasts two years. What incentives did you offer Toni for your marriage to last this long? (Jim Tise; Bethesda, Md.)
A. Every time Toni makes it six months, I promised her she would not have to speak to me for the next six months.
Q. I learned that "Bachelor" star Jade Roper Tolbert "won" $1 million on DraftKings' Millionaire Maker daily fantasy contest, and "may" have "colluded" with her husband Tanner on their 300 combined entries. I really don't have a question. (Mitchell Shapiro; Rockville, Md.)
A. I really don't have an answer then. P.S. No question, no 10 bits.
Q. Is it true that Queen Elizabeth plans to use the franchise tag to keep Prince Harry? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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Counting up "should win" and "should lose" results is routinely a fool's errand. That said, the Astros enter a stretch which features a bunch of "should win" games. On one hand, beginning this weekend at Daikin Park, the Astros run a gauntlet of 10 games in 10 days, then after an off day, they play another 13 days in a row. On the other hand, over the first 17 games of the 23 in 24 days, the Astros play 14 of them against losing teams: seven vs. the American League East cellar-dwelling Baltimore Orioles, three vs. the utter joke Colorado Rockies, and four vs. the not awful but below .500 Los Angeles Angels. Additionally, the Astros get 10 of those 14 games at home.
The only good team they face until after Labor Day is Detroit, with three games at the Tigers next week. That series looms large. If the Astros are successful in fending off Seattle and yet again winning the American League West, they have a real shot of finishing even with or ahead of Toronto and Detroit. Finishing with the best record in the AL is the ideal, but having the second -best record among the division winners means a bye past the high peril best-of-three first round series. The Astros' 2024 postseason was over in an eyeblink because they had the third-best record of the AL division champs, and then had the Tigers dismiss them in two games.
If the Astros can take two of three in Motown next week, they not only gain ground on the Tigers, but clinch the season series (Astros beat the Tigers two of three in Houston back in April) and with it the tiebreaker should that come into play for playoff seeding. The Astros swept the Blue Jays three straight earlier this year, so winning just one of three games in Canada next month would secure that tiebreaker.
Growing pains
Big picture, it's been a fine rookie season for Cam Smith. Nothing special, but plenty acceptable for a guy with just 32 games of minor league experience before earning/being handed the primary right field job coming out of spring training. Smith's tools and athleticism are clear, so are a couple of holes in his game that need patching if he is to develop into a star. The standards are different for a rookie making the minimum MLB salary of 760-thousand dollars versus a big ticket free agent signing making 20 million dollars, but a higher percentage of Smith's official at bats have ended with strikeouts this season than have Christian Walker's.
Along with improving his rate of contact, Smith needs to tweak his swing path to hit the ball in the air more. With his strength Cam can hit it hard. But hard grounders aren't the objective. Cam has a pair of two-home run games this season. In late June he homered in back-to-back games. In the other 100 games Smith has played, he has just one other homer. One in 100 games. His last dinger was June 28. 138 at bats later he's still sitting on seven for the season. Mauricio Dubon and Taylor Trammell have higher slugging percentages, as did Zack Short in his limited time with the team.
Smith has been feeble since just before the All-Star break, posting a paltry 13 hits in his last 90 at bats for a .144 batting average. He figures to play less down the stretch, a lot less should Yordan Alvarez actually return to the lineup. If ever back, Alvarez figures to slot only as the designated hitter, reducing Jose Altuve's DH opportunities. When Altuve plays left field, Jesus Sanchez is the clear better option to play right against righthanded pitching.
Jose Altuve at his best
Credit to manager Joe Espada for realizing that Altuve at 35 years old needed his load lightened. Should have happened last year, but live and learn. Altuve has been the DH 35 times this season (just five times last year). It is highly likely not a coincidence that after a hot start last year, Altuve was mediocre the last three-quarters of 2024 with a .740 OPS over his final 119 games. This season Altuve started atrociously. He was a straight up lousy player into late-May, waking May 22 with his batting average .238 and his OPS a woeful .629 over 47 games played. In 70 games since: .316/.947. In his 2017 AL Most Valuable Player season Altuve finished with a .957 OPS.
Astros HOF weekend
The Astros retire Hall of Famer Billy Wagner's number 13 Saturday. 12 players wore 13 after Wagner's time in Houston ended. They do not exactly comprise a Who's Who of Astros lore. Tyler White may have been the best of the dozen. Hey, I said the pickings were slim! Cooper Hummel goes down as the last to wear 13 as an Astro in an official game. Hummel wore 13 last season, before being assigned number 16 when he rejoined the team this season.
For Astro-centric conversation, join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and me for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday. Click here to catch!
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