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ESPN without sports is like NASA without space. But ESPN is smarter than NASA – it can still thrive even if its world explodes into the atmosphere. Here is a look at the new ESPN 24-hour coronavirus programming schedule:
8 a.m. ET: "Don't Get Up!"
10:00: "Stephen A. Smith: Unfettered." The real Stephen A. lets loose – unvarnished, unbridled and uninhibited – at a Brooklyn barbershop.
11:00: "Greatest NFL Coaches' Challenges (Season 1)."
11:30: Stephen A. Smith talks smack to first responders on their coffee break.
12 p.m.: Chris Berman runs down his all-time 250 favorite nicknames, alphabetically.
1:30: 1998 French Open women's bracket draw.
2:00: "Burning Bridges with Keith Olbermann." The once-popular "SportsCenter" anchor documents his seven tours of duty with the worldwide leader in sports.
3:15: "Best NASCAR Pit Stops, Volume 3 (2010)."
3:30: "Kiper and Lunardi: The Art of Coaxing." The two iconic ESPN savants discuss how they persuaded the network to turn one-day events into year-round pursuits.
4:30: Stephen A. Smith yells at gate agents at O'Hare Airport.
5:00: "Around the Shoehorn." Nike, Adidas, Puma and Under Armor reps examine best self-quarantine footwear.
5:30: "Pardon the Interruption, Undercover." A hidden camera documents Tony Kornheiser complaining about Michael Wilbon and every single guest cohost with whom he's ever worked.
6:00: 2001 Mid-American Conference men's basketball tournament third-place game.
6:30: "Backstory with Don Van Natta Jr." An investigative look at Adam Schefter's cellphone log.
7:00: "Outside the Lines: The Sunset." The award-winning OTL team chronicles the sun setting in Bristol, Conn. ITAL Live. END ITAL
7:30: World Series of Poker 2003.
8:30: World Series of Poker 2004.
9:30: "Outside the Lines: The Sunset (Pacific Time Zone)." The award-winning OTL team chronicles the sun setting in Pahrump, Nev. Live.
10:00: Stephen A. Smith moonlights as a tollbooth worker who will not give out change.
10:30: "Cricket Tonight." Adnan Virk returns as host.
11:00: World Series of Poker 2005.
12 a.m.: World Series of Poker 2006.
1:00: "Stephen A. Smith: After Dark." The very eligible sweet talker tries his best hot takes in several New York City singles bars.
2:00: World Series of Poker 2007.
3:00: World Series of Poker 2008.
4:00: "The Sports Reporters 2.0." Veteran correspondents from Bleacher Report, The Big Lead, Deadspin and Barstool Sports debate the hot issues of the day.
4:30: "The Making of 'Cold Pizza' (2003-2004)."
5:00: Jeremy Schaap reads select passages from Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged."
5:30: Shuttle run highlights from 2012 NFL Scouting Combine.
5:45: Charley Steiner ITAL is END ITAL "Macbeth."
6:00: 2014 Pub Darts Challenge (Ireland vs. Wales).
6:30: "BodyShaping" (any year).
7:00: "Kraft Mac & Cheese Presents The Craig Kilborn Show." With sidekick Downtown Julie Brown. Why not?
Meanwhile, Fox Sports 1 has a simpler, adjusted schedule:
9:30 a.m. to 1 a.m. ET: "Skip and Shannon: Undisputed."
1 a.m. to 9:15 a.m.: "Skip All Night." Skip Bayless at home!
9:15 a.m. to 9:30 a.m.: Off air for routine maintenance.
Ask The Slouch
Q. After several days of all major sports sidelined, I watched the PBA and saw statistics of MPHs and RPMs on the screen. As a bowler, can you tell me if I am withdrawing from baseball and NASCAR, or is it real and I need some help? (Steve Hintyesz; Spokane, Wash.)
A. It is real – we all need help. I have begged the powers-that-be to wipe the screen clean; alas, they will not listen to a 140 bowler.
Q. Being the wise man you are, can your readers assume that you anticipated this pandemic-related sports hiatus and have a mitigating stockpile of columns to get us through these rough times? (Kim Hemphill; South Riding, Va.)
A. I am currently watching dozens of old Dick Vitale broadcasts that will provide me column content through Labor Day.
Q. Is it true the only reason your marriage to Toni has lasted 12½ years is ever since your wedding night, she has strictly enforced the six-foot social distancing rule? (J.B. Koch; Macomb, Mich.)
A. Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt on our wedding night.
Q. After you've written, edited and submitted your column, do you then "take no responsibility" for it? (JC Hodgson; Spokane, Wash.)
A. Many of my columns write themselves; thus, indeed I take no responsibility.
Q. I see Sean Payton has the coronavirus – can't he challenge that? (Kirk Long; Spokane Valley, Wash.)
A. Not reviewable – NFL competition committee will take a look at this during 18-month offseason.
Q. Is it true that Robert Kraft is suing the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for entrapment? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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Oswald Peraza hit a two-run single in the ninth inning to help the Los Angeles Angels snap a three-game losing skid by beating the Houston Astros 4-1 on Saturday night.
Peraza entered the game as a defensive replacement in the seventh inning and hit a bases-loaded fly ball to deep right field that eluded the outstretched glove of Cam Smith. It was the fourth straight hit off Astros closer Bryan Abreu (3-4), who had not allowed a run in his previous 12 appearances.
The Angels third run of the ninth inning scored when Mike Trout walked with the bases loaded.
Kyle Hendricks allowed one run while scattering seven hits over six innings. He held the Astros to 1 for 8 with runners in scoring position, the one hit coming on Jesús Sánchez’s third-inning infield single that scored Jeremy Peña.
Reid Detmers worked around a leadoff walk to keep the Astros scoreless in the seventh, and José Fermin (3-2) retired the side in order in the eighth before Kenley Jansen worked a scoreless ninth to earn his 24th save.
Houston’s Spencer Arrighetti struck out a season-high eight batters over 6 1/3 innings. The only hit he allowed was Zach Neto’s third-inning solo home run.
Yordan Alvarez had two hits for the Astros, who remained three games ahead of Seattle for first place in the AL West.
Key moment
Peraza’s two-run single to deep right field that broke a 1-1 tie in the ninth.
Key Stat
Opponents were 5 for 44 against Abreu in August before he allowed four straight hits in the ninth.
Up next
Astros RHP Hunter Brown (10-6, 2.37 ERA) faces RHP José Soriano (9-9, 3.85) when the series continues Sunday.