With this season’s Super Bowl in Minneapolis, and everyone dealing with sub-zero temperatures, I have had some discussion about Minneapolis’ viability as a Super Bowl host city. This discussions led me to make a list of the NFL cities I am most likely and least likely to enjoy my Super Bowl week. To be honest, my rankings are pretty biased to my tastes in the region as far as food, beer, weather and overall ability to host everything it takes to properly host a Super Bowl. Without further ado...

THE “ABSOLUTELY NOT” TIER

 30. Green Bay: Yeah, I know. It’s home to a historic franchise, and this is in no way a knock to the state of  Wisconsin, but outside of Milwaukee (very underrated city) I have no interest in spending multiple days in the backwoods hoping I don’t end up on the next season of Making A Murderer.

29. Buffalo: I love chicken wings as much as the next guy (actually probably way more), but a week in early February in the middle of nowhere with nothing but snow and Niagara Falls to look at sounds pretty miserable. 

28. Baltimore: I’ve seen The Wire plenty of times. Hard pass.

27. Detroit: I know, I know. “It’s better than it used to be.” Detroit had no business hosting the Super Bowl before, and gave no reason why it should get it again. 

26. Charlotte: Please don’t try to tell me how great the BBQ is. I’m from Texas. Y’all ain’t fooling anyone with that stuff. 

25. Jacksonville- Northern Florida is basically an extension of Mississippi and Alabama. Not much more needs to be said.

THE “I’M SURE IT’S NICE, BUT I WILL PASS” TIER

24. Cleveland: The Hall of Fame is nearby, and the Rock and Roll Hall is in town, but let’s be honest, this city barely deserves the NFL, much less a Super Bowl. 

23. Philadelphia: Great city with plenty to do, but having stuff thrown at me or having my rental car set on fire seems extremely unappealing. 

22. Washington, D.C.:  Security would be even more of a nightmare than usual, and I can’t think of any reason why I would want to spend a week in D.C.

21. Boston: Beantown is one of the best sports town in the world. They win at everything, including football, and is home to arguably the best dynasty the NFL has ever seen. That said, it is frigid, and everyone I have met from Boston is an a**hole. 

20. Pittsburgh: This actually seems like a decent road trip. I have heard nothing but good things about the food and beverage scene, but I am too sensitive to cold to have it any higher on the list. 

19. Indianapolis: The trip there was fine, and while everything was conveniently centralized, the weather there is lame and there isn’t a whole lot to do. 

THE “TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT” TIER

18. Cincinnati: Really underrated town, but something tells me this wouldn’t be much different from Indianapolis. Also, God forbid the media hotel is in Kentucky. 

17. Minneapolis: I have never been, and skipping the Super Bowl this year may mean I never go, but I am perfectly fine not dying of frostbite and spending my entire week inside a giant shopping mall. 

16, Atlanta: The game is in Atlanta next year, and I am extremely lukewarm on the prospect. I do think it will score well in the nightlife category, but it is one of my least favorite southern cities. 

15. Dallas: They had their big chance. Massive, shiny, new stadium, and they are in Texas, which gives them a built in advantage. They blew it though, and had the biggest winter storm in history during Super Bowl week. Plus, it’s still Dallas. 

14. Kansas City: Not exactly a booming metropolis, but I feel like the strong food game and an awesome fanbase in an original AFL town might be kind of cool. 

13. Chicago: Chicago has everything going for it, except for the weather. Great food, great beer, friendly people. I have spent a week in Chicago, and you won’t run out of things to do, but it won’t be warm. 

THE “I COULD DEAL WITH THIS EVERY NOW AND AGAIN” TIER

12. Miami: The South Beach thing is fun for a little bit, but not sure I could deal with it for an entire week. It would be nice to spend the week in shorts and flip flops though. 

11. Tampa Bay: Yep, Tampa is ahead of Miami. Great beer town, and they have the good Florida weather without all the Miami pretentiousness (and the $ markup)

10. Houston: I love Houston. I live here. I think it is vastly underrated nationally as a great city. That said, I like seeing new places and trying new things. I can’t do that in Houston. 

9. Denver:  This is another incredible city to visit. It is one of the prettiest cities in the country, the people are friendly and there are PLENTY of pleasures to partake in (cough, cough). As much as I love the Mile High City, I don’t really want to pack a coat. 

8. New York: I love New York, but I don’t like going in the winter. The trip was far from miserable though. Everything was in walking distance, and you will never run out of things to do in New York. The biggest stars show up on radio row, and that helps the cause.

7. Nashville: Nashville isn’t a big city, but as a tourist town they know how to host a party. I think Nashville would do a fine job hosting the Super Bowl, though it seems unlikely unless they build a state of the art stadium. 

THE “THEY COULD HAVE IT HERE EVERY YEAR” TIER

6. Seattle: Maybe my favorite city outside of the great state of Texas, Seattle is one of the coolest places to spend a week. It can be cold, but not the biting cold of the northeast. There is great food, great beverage, and other…. Whatever, there is legal weed there, too. 

5.  San Francisco: I may have enjoyed Northern California more than most, but I found it to be a really nice setup. Everything with the exception of the stadium was centralized in the downtown area. Public transportation was available to take you all over the area, and the weather was beautiful. I would love to go back here again. 

4. Phoenix: One thing you know when the Super Bowl is in Arizona, you won’t need a coat, and it isn’t going to rain. It may be the most ideal climate to spend a week in February, and the food is amazing. Beer could be a little better, but the parties in Phoenix are always strong. 

3. Las Vegas: This is pure speculation, but I think Vegas will be an amazing spot to host Super Bowls. The infrastructure is built in, and if you can’t have fun in Vegas on a work trip, there is probably something wrong with you. 

2. New Orleans: New Orleans has long been the gold standard. No one throws a party like New Orleans, and they are (rightfully) a regular in the Super Bowl rotation. I can go to New Orleans any time of year and have a grand time, and it is hard to beat the food and libations. 

1. Los Angeles: L.A. is going to be a natural fit for the big game. They will soon have a state of the art stadium. It will be a destination city for celebrities and I imagine the parties there during Super Bowl week will be top notch. More food and drink than you can shake a stick at, and the weather will always be strong. I expect Los Angeles to be heavy in the rotation from now on.