Every-Thing Sports

Bleep it! Go full heel turn!

Astros World Series
photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

I've listened to all the bull bleep and crap spewed after Jim Crane allowed Rob Manfred to clip his manhood and put them it a glass case with the heavy handed punishment in regards to the Astros sign stealing scandals. He then bowed down even further by forcing his players to publicly apologize at Spring Training. It was despicable. In the first hour of Late Hits, Patrick Creighton and Jayson Braddock laid out how many times throughout history teams were caught stealing signs and how they were doing it. This crucifixion of the Astros as if they're some sort of lone bandit is sickening!

All the people bitching and complaining, the frivolous lawsuits, the blatant ignorance, the spreading of baseless accusations...This should all serve as fuel to the Astros and their fans this season. They got caught. They thumbed their noses at the whole apology thing, especially Alex Bregman (shot out to Justin Verlander for wearing the "Nobody Cares" hat at the golf outing). Bleep it! Let's go full heel mode! The heel turn is complete.

First Things First

A heel turn is a wrestling term used to describe a good guy (a babyface or face) turns into a bad guy or heel. The Astros were the fun-loving bunch of homegrown talent of a franchise that endured tanking in order to restock their minor leagues. That paid off in a major way in 2017 when they won a World Series. It was extra sweet considering Houston was hit by Harvey that August. Most of the world fell in love with them. They were the John Cena of baseball. They were beloved by most, and still hated by a good amount of folks for their antics.

Scandals Tear Away At Their Image

Sign stealing was the straw that broke the camel's back. When they signed Roberto Osuna, there was a ton of backlash and understandbly so. He was suspended amid a domestic violence incident and they traded for him anyway. That lead to another incident in which former GM Brandon Taubman was fired for causing a stir in the locker room for being obnoxious about the Osuna trade towards some female reporters. Top this bleep cake off with thew fact that former GM Jeff Luhnow created a toxic work environment, and you have the making of a heel turn.

Heel Mode: Activated

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Back in 1996, Hulk Hogan turned heel when he joined the nWo. The wrestling world was turned on its ear. Everyone actually thought WWE sent them to take over WCW. Fans were shocked to see their hero of the last 10-plus years turn heel. This is how Astros fans must feel right now. Their beloved team got caught stealing signs. Now what? Bleep it! Go with it. Yeah they got caught. No they weren't the only ones. Sure the punishment is harsh. And yes, the trolls and piece-riders in media and other fan bases are annoying AF, but embrace it!

Relish The Role

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You know what happened to the nWo? They ended up becoming the hottest act in wrestling. Stone Cold Steve Austin did something similar. Both were supposed to be heels, but were so good at it and so cool, people ended up liking them. They were cheered, sold a ton of merch, and drove ratings through the roof. So much so that WCW actually beat WWE in the ratings for over a year. This is what the team and fans need to do. I don't give a flying flip that they cheated! "If you aint cheatin you aint tryin!" and my other favorite line "It's only cheatin if you get caught!" Become the cool heels. Celebrate homeruns and big hits by simulating buzzers and banging trash cans. Have a trash can bobblehead giveaway. Pretend to talk into fake buzzers and devices in the dugout. Fans: wear "Steal It Back" shirts and create other parody paraphenelia to thumb your noses at the crybabies from other teams.

I don't give a damn what people may think. If they stink, do it anyway. Do it more if they're mashing the ball and leading the division. During the All Star festivities, keep it going by pretending to steal signs and bang trash cans. That World Series win isn't going anywhere. It's history, it happened and they can't undo it. Ignore the dumbasses online and in the media. They're going to say all kinds stuff to keep this going, so don't feed them MLB can pretend to investigate other teams all they want, but we all know they want this to go away faster an unwanted rash in their nether regions. So let's go full heel Houston! Screw them! It's us versus all yall mentality from here on out!

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Alex Bregman and the Astros are running out of time. Composite Getty Image.

There’s a sign outside of McDonald’s that keeps track of the millions and millions of hamburgers they’ve sold.

There could be a sign outside Minute Maid Park that keeps track of the millions and millions of dollars Alex Bregman is losing by having the worst season of his career in his contract year.

Maybe instead of appearing in H-E-B commercials he could sign an endorsement deal with Rice Krispies and be part of Snap, Crackle and Pop Out.

Tuesday night, Bregman went 0-4 against the Yankees and his batting average dropped below .200 into Martin Maldonado territory.

Bregman entered this season claiming to be in the best shape of his life and promising big things for 2024.

“My body feels in incredible shape,” Bregman said at the start of spring training. “Swing feels better than ever. And looking forward to a great, healthy season. And I expect to have the best season I’ve ever had.”

And remember when Astros general manager Dana Brown assured fans, don’t worry, we’re going to offer Bregman a contract to stay with the Astros?

“Look, we love Alex, we’d love to have him here. As far as a timeline, we just don’t have it, but we will at some point make him an offer. We know how good he is and how good he’s been for this franchise. It would be tough to look out at third base and not see that elite defense. And so at some point we’ll circle back and have those conversations,” Brown said.

Godot will show up before the Astros put a contract on the table for Bregman. (For those who didn’t read Waiting for Godot in English Lit 101 … Godot never appears in the book.)

With the season nearly a quarter over, Bregman is batting .195. He’s been hitting at the top of the order the entire year, either in the No. 2 spot or cleanup. His power outage would make the Texas grid system look good: 6 runs, 11 RBI and one home run.

Stop saying “Bregman always has a slow start.” Start ended a couple of weeks ago. And stop saying “He will snap out of it.” In his last 10 games, Bregman’s average has dwindled from .216 to .195.

Bregman’s hitting woes actually are part of a five-year trend. In 2019 he had his best season, hitting .296 and smacking 41 home runs.

Since then:

2020: .242 and 6 home runs (Covid season).

2021: .270 and 12 home runs.

2022: .259 and 23 home runs.

2023: .262 and 25 home runs.

If Bregman’s struggles continue, this will be his fifth below-average season in a row. Back in spring training, there was talk of him getting a super long-term deal worth $200 million-plus when he hits free agency at the end of this season.

Chances of that happening: none. As things stand now, Bregman has a better chance of becoming Jerry Seinfeld’s latex salesman.

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