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A while ago – the exact year escapes me – I determined that someway somewhere in some manner or some fashion most of us in America had somehow lost our minds.
Of late, the nation is on tilt because we must stay home for a long, long time due to the coronavirus pandemic, also known to Alabamians and Georgians as the Don't Even Think Of Messing With The SEC Football Schedule pandemic.
Anyway, apparently everyone – and when I say "everyone," I mean anyone within shouting distance of Skip Bayless or Stephen. A Smith – wants sports back ASAP.*
*Incidentally, speaking of shouting distance, does Shannon Sharpe ever whisper?
Last week the ESPN Coronavirus Lockdown Fan Study – that is its actual title, I swear on Chris Berman's bible of nicknames – surveyed 1,004 adult sports fans, and 76 percent were in favor of sports returning even if spectators cannot be in the stands.
My buddy, Houston sports media bon vivant Fred Faour, wrote that the 24 percent against sports without fans "are what we respectfully call 'dumbs.'" Faour wants any action back, like, yesterday and said, "I truly miss being in the stands for Roughneck games." **
**He is referring to the Houston Roughnecks, an almost professional football team that played a total of five games in the late, unlamented second iteration of the XFL.
Meanwhile, former president Barack Obama, during a recent chat with former aides, said that the lack of sports is "driving me nuts."
Now, Faour and Obama are two sharp guys – well, at least Obama is – but I am disappointed by their simplistic and shortsighted apocalyptic vision of a sports-free Sports Nation.
Believe it or not – and saying this might get me fired by the end of this sentence – we don't need more sports in our lives, we need less.
Granted, I speak as someone less affected by the safer-at-home order than most; I went from self-isolation to self-isolation, so it's no big deal.
(Column Intermission: The late comedian George Carlin was born on May 12, 1937; how is his birthday not a national holiday? Who spoke truth to power longer and funnier? His sports riffs were delightful. "Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning…Sailing is not a sport. Sailing is a way to get somewhere. Riding the bus isn't a sport, why the [expletive] should sailing be a sport?" George Carlin Day, my friends. Otherwise, I'll settle for Don Rickles Day.)
Actually, eating at home with family or friends is an uncomplicated, forgotten pleasure. In most of Europe for hundreds of years, entire evenings centered on the meal; food and conversation were entertainment enough. This worked quite well, spoiled only by World War I, World War II and Piers Morgan.
Here in America, we have drifted. I saw a photo the other day of a fella in Raleigh, N.C., walking into Subway strapped with a M136 AT4 launcher. ***
*** What were the chances he ordered a veggie wrap?
What have we become?
Naturally, we have become ESPN. But, honestly, though I try to blame ESPN for everything excessive and execrable, the boys in Bristol don't shape our culture as much as they reflect it.
Alas, during this sports-dry pandemic, ESPN ranked the top 74 basketball sneakers ever worn by NBA players. I repeat – they ranked the top 74 sneakers ever. FYI: The Nike Foamposite Max, worn by Tim Duncan, was No. 47.
Coming in June: The top 50 NFL pylons in history.
Elsewhere in ESPNdom, "The Last Dance" Michael Jordan documentary has been a smash. Great TV, but it's been treated as a cross between "Hoop Dreams" and "The Last Waltz," with various clips parsed endlessly like the Zapruder film.
Which brings us to binge-watching. I constantly get texts touting Netflix or Hulu shows. So I took in "Ozark." "You like it?" a friend asked. "Looks pretty good," I responded. "How many seasons did you watch?" he inquired. When I told him I had only watched the first episode, I half-expected him to schedule an intervention because I had not binge-watched an entire season in just a night or two.
Here's an interesting thought: How 'bout binge-READING?
Ask The Slouch
Q. Ink-stained wretches don't usually make the best-seller list but I like the title of your book, "Hold On Honey, I'll Take You to the Hospital at Halftime." I'll wear a mask when I start checking yard sales for your tome. (Ray Starman; Albany, N.Y.)
A. Trust me, it will be easy to social distance in this situation; no one will be hovering anywhere near that book.
Q. You know those ubiquitous magazine questions about selecting any person, living or dead, with whom to have a meal? I would pick you over Tom Brady every time, and I'm not kidding. (Diane Cohen; Albany, N.Y.)
A. Give me a moment…Uh, Toni, can I talk to you for a second?
Q. Have you tried comparing your wife's income to that of Tom Brady's wife? Maybe you'll have an edge there! (Paul Whittemore; Spotsylvania, Va.)
A. I don't think so.
Q. Just checked out "Hold On, Honey…" on Amazon. Someone thinks it's worth $87.78 – maybe it was signed by Tom Brady. (Bob Doyle, Manchester-by-the-Sea, Mass.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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The 2025 season hasn't gone according to script for the Houston Astros. Injuries, slumps, and a retooled roster have left fans asking whether this version of the Astros is underwhelming—or if, given all the turmoil, they might actually be overachieving.
When Houston dealt Kyle Tucker, a franchise cornerstone, the move raised eyebrows. Tucker was a consistent producer and an anchor in right field. In return, the Astros received infielder Isaac Paredes, pitcher Hayden Wesneski, and third baseman now outfielder Cam Smith—players who didn’t bring the same star power but offered versatility and upside.
Paredes has delivered as advertised. He’s brought steady production at the plate and the ability to play a solid third base. While he may not be with the team beyond 2027 if the front office sticks to its recent pattern of letting players walk in free agency, his presence right now is stabilizing an otherwise inconsistent lineup.
Then there’s Cam Smith, who might be the real key to this deal. After a slow start and questions about whether he or Zach Dezenzo was the better option in right field, Smith has surged. Over the past 30 days, he’s hit north of .300 and shown signs of becoming a long-term fixture. The biggest question now is positional: Is he Houston’s future in right field, or could he eventually slide over to third base if/when Paredes departs? That decision will ripple through future roster planning and could define how this trade is remembered.
In the meantime, however, he’s shown flashes of being a quality everyday player. But it’s not uncommon for young hitters to take a step back after an initial surge. The Astros need him to keep proving it, but the potential is unmistakable.
Underwhelming or overachieving?
Elsewhere on the roster, the results are mixed. Players like Jake Meyers and Victor Caratini, who came into the season with modest expectations, have performed admirably. Meanwhile, stars like José Altuve, Christian Walker, and Yainer Díaz have underperformed, leaving the offensive output uneven. Add in the extended absence of Yordan Álvarez and the loss of three-fifths of the starting rotation, and it's fair to say Houston has had more than its share of adversity.
King of the hill
One area where the Astros have arguably found a diamond in the rough is Bryan King. With a 1.52 ERA in 2025, King has passed the eye test as a potential long-term solution in high-leverage relief situations. He’s been more than capable, building on a solid 2.39 ERA in 2024. His performance has solidified his place in the bullpen, and he’s taken on ownership of his role. However, it’s important for the Astros to temper expectations, especially after the lessons learned from the Rafael Montero signing. King looks like the real deal, but he still has a ways to go before being considered a true elite option out of the 'pen.
What should we make of the Alex Bregman quad injury?
Bregman’s injury doesn’t really change the conversation around whether the Astros should have extended him. If anything, it highlights the complexity of roster decisions. Houston could’ve kept Bregman, shifted Paredes to first base, and potentially avoided spending big on Christian Walker. But injuries are part of the game—Yordan Álvarez has missed nearly half the season, and no one’s suggesting the Astros should regret signing him. Kyle Tucker missed significant time last year, too, and he’s about to land a massive contract. Players get hurt. That’s baseball.
Moving forward
While the Astros have struggled with injuries and inconsistent performances, they have managed to remain competitive—perhaps even overachieving given the circumstances. The team's depth, the surprising performances from certain players, and the emergence of promising new talent have allowed them to hold their ground, currently possessing a Wild Card spot in the AL if the season were to end today.
There's so much more to discuss! Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!
The MLB season is finally upon us! Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday!
*ChatGPT assisted.
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