HOLLY SEYMOUR

A fun look at the opening weekend NFL action

The champs are 1-0. Is your team? Eagles.com

Week 1 is in the books guys (well, not Monday night, but that's on them). To everyone who is now 1-0, CONGRATS! Welcome to the winner's circle. There's this thing I like to call Victory Monday. Some of us make it, others barely experience the glorious feeling of calling in to work just because you're a freaking WINNER. (Not that myself or any fellow Eagles fans that I know do this). How did I grade your team this week? Check out these select games:

EAGLES vs FALCONS

How does it feel to be 0-1? I wouldn't know because the Eagles officially own the Falcons of Atlanta. I think it's time Atlanta changes their team slogan... It's a bit cliche these days since they can't seem to "rise up" when needed.

VIKINGS vs 49ERS

How does $74 mil look? Looks like interceptions and incomplete passes. 1 TD doesn't look good when it sits next to 3 interceptions. What did we learn today guys? Porn stars and fake boobs lie, they don't guarantee wins.

JAGS vs GIANTS

Let's take a moment to appreciate Blake Bortles and the accuracy between him and his favorite target, the ground. Bortles completed 7 of 9 passes to only god knows who. Thankfully defenses win games and Jacksonville has some damn good D.

STEELERS vs BROWNS

This is the game that never ends... The worst part about it all? Besides Conner's hair? Neither team could finish. How do you end Week 1 in a tie?! This game was a dragged out, sloppy mess.

TEXANS vs PATRIOTS

Lets all give it up for OBrien going back to his basic b- play calling. How many seasons in a row now is it that the Texans actually almost had a shot at beating Brady but fell short because of awful play calling and time management? I'd hate to be a Houston fan.

BILLS vs RAVENS

Did anyone really watch this? @ me if you did.

DOLPHINS vs TITANS

Let's just agree that the lightning storm was more exciting than this game.

SAINTS vs BUCS

Want to see a magic show? The Saints defense disappeared again. Congrats New Orleans, you managed to make Fitzpatrick an automatic MVP candidate earning YOU my garbage team of the week. Take it back to the film room boys.

For more of my NFL recaps, gambling or just fun smack talk you can check out my website at holly.football and follow my on Twitter @xoholly.

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Framber Valdez injured his ring finger on Tuesday. Composite image by Jack Brame.

That sure escalated quickly. The news on Framber Valdez went from bad to vastly worse for the Astros with the fractured ring finger on his pitching hand concerning enough that season ending surgery is on the radar. Valdez is/was no sure thing to have been a first time quality full season starting pitcher, but seemed a decent bet after his maturity-driven albeit short season breakout 2020.

37-year-old Zack Greinke is the only member of the Astros' starting rotation to have thrown even 130 innings in a big league season. Greinke showed notable slippage in 2020. A by-product of the funky short season, or Father Time making a move? If Greinke further erodes, uh oh. It's all question marks behind him.

Lance McCullers got to the big leagues in 2015. Six years later McCullers has zero seasons under his belt in which he both pitched well and stayed healthy. If he hits that exacta in 2021 it's great for the Astros of course, greater for McCullers with free agency arriving at season's end. Particularly confounding with McCullers is that over his career he's been outstanding at Minute Maid Park, and basically sucked on the road. Career earned run average at MMP: 2.51. Career ERA everywhere else: 4.99. That's absurd. It's certainly not as if MMP is some great pitchers' park.

"Crafty" is typically applied to left-handed pitchers. Jose Urquidy seems a crafty right-hander. But since missing the 2017 season recovering from Tommy John surgery Urquidy has topped 100 innings worked once. Cristian Javier has some electric stuff and showed very well as a rookie. Javier has never thrown 115 innings in a professional season.

The odds are long against McCullers, Urquidy, and Javier all pitching well and staying healthy all season. Valdez didn't come close to making it to Opening Day. The best internal candidates to replace Framber (or anyone else) are Luis Garcia and the extremely-hyped thus far dud but still just 23 years old Forrest Whitley.

Woeful Rockets

It certainly isn't paying homage to James Harden that has the Rockets on a 13 game losing streak as they mercifully take their All-Star break. They're just that bad. Watching them is like watching a helpless fly tossed into a spider web game after game. Out of the break the Rockets play at Sacramento Thursday. The Kings are no good, but the Rockets are worse. A loss there all but guarantees matching the Houston Rockets' longest ever losing streak of 15 since the following night they play at Utah. If you care about them the Rockets are painful to watch. Hapless, helpless, hopeless. Their best shot at accelerating what might be a years long path back to relevance is to keep on stinking. The Rockets have the third worst record in the NBA. The three worst teams have equal chances at getting picks one through four in the draft. It's a 14 percent shot at number one, a 52 percent shot of being in the top four. The fourth worst team has a 48 percent chance of picking in the top four. If the Rockets are not in the top four, they lose their pick to Oklahoma City as a payoff of the awful Chris Paul-Russell Westbrook trade.

Watt signs with Cardinals

J.J. Watt could have least acknowledged "Of course the money the Cardinals offered had plenty to do with me picking them!" Off an 8-8 season in which they faded down the stretch the Cards have an interesting squad with some serious upside, especially if Kyler Murray makes a leap in his third season at quarterback. But no way are the Cardinals presently a first tier Super Bowl contender. We don't know for certain who Watt's other "finalists" were and what they offered. Seems a lock that none of them offered 23 million dollars guaranteed or two years 31 million total. Money is another scoreboard and J.J. is a huge winner on it. No one should ever blame a player for going for every dollar he can get. But Watt can't honestly say the best shot at a Super Bowl was his top priority then sign with a team which last had a winning season in 2015 and in Kliff Kingsbury has a guy who has accomplished nothing meaningful as a Head Coach at either Texas Tech or Arizona. Doesn't mean it can't happen in the desert, but there had to be better teams interested if a ring shot was of paramount importance.

Buzzer Beaters:

1. Les Miles, what a slimeball. LSU, what a slimy institution in its handling of serial sexual misconduct in its football program

2. NBA All-Star Game Sunday. In 1993 more than 22 million people watched. Last year, 6.8 million. Not sure 5 mil watch Sunday.

3. Greatest ever NFL free agent signings: Bronze-Packers, Reggie White Silver-Buccaneers, Tom Brady Gold-Saints, Drew Brees

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