FAILURE AT THE TOP

Here's the latest instance of the Houston Texans operating in Bizarro World

Here's the latest instance of the Houston Texans operating in Bizarro World
Brandin Cooks clearly wants out of Houston. So why let him play? Composite image by Jack Brame.
It sure looks like Brandin Cooks is making a statement to the Houston Texans

Pyrrhus of Epirus had nothing on Lovie Smith.

In 279 B.C., Pyrrhus led the Epirus army against the Romans in the Battle of Asculum. Pyrrhus won the battle but lost so many soldiers that his army could not continue to fight the war.

Thus was born the expression “Pyrrhic victory.” It’s when you win something but at such a cost that you lose in the long run.

Fast-forward 2,302 years. Coach Lovie Smith and the Houston Texans had one thing to do last Sunday – lose a football game – a skill they had been quite proficient at all season. But true to form, they couldn’t even do that right.

They entered Sunday’s game on the road against Indianapolis with the worst record in the league. If they lost, they’d clinch the No. 1 pick in the upcoming NFL draft. They’d have a clear shot at landing talented quarterback Bryce Young of Alabama and start their path back to respectability.

Lose one for the Gipper.

It looked like they had the loss wrapped up, too, trailing 31-24 with 3:29 left. And that’s when the Texans decided, “Let’s win this game!” Seriously? They drove downfield and scored a touchdown on a last-minute desperation pass. That made the score 31-30 still in favor of the Colts, the Texans still in firm grasp of losing. What to do now? Shank the extra point on purpose? Go for two and take a knee?

Suddenly Lovie Smith, criticized all season for playing uninspired, predictable football, became a riverboat gambler, went for two, made it, and won the game.

What were you thinking?

Smith, his job on the line, did the one thing that doomed him to the ranks of the unemployed. The Texans didn’t even wait for NFL Black Monday to dismiss him. He was dismissed Sunday night before the 10 o’clock news.

We don’t know if losing would have saved Smith’s job, but it’s for sure that winning didn’t help. The Texans operate in the Bizarro World, where “us do opposite of all Earthly things. Us hate beauty. Us love ugliness. Is big crime to make anything perfect.”

Us would rather pick No. 2 in the NFL draft and not No. 1.

With the Texans’ luck, another team that needs help at quarterback, say the Colts, will trade up with the Bears, grab the No. 1 pick and steal Young, who has a long, successful pro career and wins multiple Super Bowls.

He coulda been a Texan, and the Texans coulda been a contender. All they had to do was lose a simple football game. Losing is easy. You just need a game plan. You’ve seen the movie Major League. The team owner needs the Indians to lose so fans stay away and the owner can break the lease on their stadium and move the team to Florida. So the team signs a bunch of misfits and lousy players.

Fans already stay away from Texans games. The roster already is pretty underwhelming. They just needed to finish the job and lose on Sunday.

At the post-game press conference, Smith was asked about his future with the Texans and he expressed confidence that he’d be back next year. The Texans fired him a couple of hours later. Way to humiliate the poor guy one last time. They could have told him he was toast before the press conference.

Nice touch, Brandin Cooks, the Texans’ best offensive player, who makes $19 million a year, trashing the Texans after the game. Cooks said, “I want to be part of a vision where everyone is on the same page and has a stable vision.” He wasn’t talking about the Texans.

The Texans still may get a quality player with the No. 2 pick. Most draft experts point to defensive stars like Will Anderson of Alabama or Jalen Carter of Georgia. Both could be impact players, but no position can turn a team around like quarterback. And the Texans need to do a complete 180.

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The Astros beat the Phillies, 2-1. Photo by Logan Riely/Getty Images.

Cam Smith hit an RBI single in the eighth inning to give the Houston Astros a 2-1 win over the Philadelphia Phillies on Thursday.

The rookie's second hit of the game came off Orion Kerkering (5-3) and gave the Astros their fourth straight win.

Brandon Marsh tied the game on a sacrifice fly in the top of the inning to end the Phillies' 26-inning scoreless streak.

The Astros took a 1-0 lead on Yainer Diaz’s RBI single in the second inning. They only managed three more hits off Phillies starter Christopher Sanchez, who struck out 11 with zero walks over six innings. Sanchez has not issued a walk in three straight starts.

Hunter Brown lowered his league best ERA to 1.74 by scattering three singles over seven shutout innings, with nine strikeouts. He did not allow a runner to reach second base.

Bryan Abreu (3-3) struck out Trea Turner to end the eighth, and then struck out Kyle Schwarber, Alec Bohm, and Nick Castellanos in the ninth.

Abreu joined Julia Morales after the game and talked about his impressive performance!

Rafael Marchán had two of the Phillies' four hits. Bryson Stott reached base twice and scored the Phillies' lone run.

Key moment

Smith’s RBI.

Key stat

Brown’s 1.74 ERA is the fourth best in Astros history through 16 starts and the best since Justin Verlander posted a 1.60 ERA through 16 starts in 2018.

Up next

The Astros open a three-game series against the Cubs on Friday with LHP Brandon Walter (0-1 3.80 ERA) on the mound.

The Phillies open a three-game series at the Braves on Friday with RHP Mick Abel (2-1 3.47 ERA) against Atlanta RHP Bryce Elder (2-4 4.77).

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