WATSON!!!
Here’s how Texans ownership put their fans in the worst possible position
Jan 29, 2021, 4:54 pm
No wonder Watson reportedly wants to play for the Jets. Composite image by Jack Brame.
Here's the real tragedy of Houston Texans superstar quarterback Deshaun Watson "requesting" (translation: "demanding") a trade, reportedly to the New York Jets. If Watson had done this a year ago, maybe Larry David's golf buddy Carl Sachs would still be alive.
Sure Watson is trying to get the last laugh on Texans owner Cal McNair now, but he already got the first laugh last year on an episode of David's hit comedy Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO.
If you watched the "The Ugly Section" episode of Curb, you know that Carl was an obsessed Jets fan - to the point where he was so upset over the Jets' constant losing that he killed himself. His suicide note said, simply, "I can't take any more disappointment."
*NSFW LANGUAGE
When told that Carl took his own life, Larry said, "That's what he used to say when we watched the Jets games together. I've seen that guy sob after losses. During games I've seen him sob. And they just kept losing and it kept eating at him. The Jets killed Carl … and a little bit the Knicks."
Larry tried to console Carl's widow at the funeral. Well, console and ask her for a date. That's confidence, hitting on a widow at her husband's funeral.
Carl's widow Veronica asked Larry, "I'm so thrown by this. Did he seem different to you? Was he agitated about anything?"
Larry: "Yes, he was very upset about the Jets."
Veronica: "Those f'ing Jets. He loved them so much and all they did was disappoint. The Jets ruined my marriage. One night he just woke up and yelled 'Watson!' What is that? Was it a Sherlock Holmes reference or something?"
Larry: "No, I think that is a reference to Deshaun Watson, who the Jets passed on drafting in 2017."
No wonder Watson reportedly wants to play for the Jets. That's pretty heady stuff, being mentioned on the funniest TV show ever. And think of all the suicidal Jets fans he can save in New York.
Plus, he'll be leaving the most dysfunctional team in professional sports. In one year, the Texans have fired an incompetent coach and general manager, traded their best receiver DeAndre Hopkins for a broken-down running back, infuriated Andre Johnson the only member of the Texans "Ring of Honor," elevated Jack Easterby a despised Svengali figure with no experience running a football team to general manager, exposed its president has an inarticulate hayseed with zero people skills who hired a new head coach who's been in the league for nearly three decades and hasn't even held a coordinator job, and most important, created such a toxic atmosphere that the most celebrated player in Texans history J.J. Watt, and their supremely gifted quarterback Deshaun Watson, want to leave.
More and more, the Watson dilemma boils down to a simple ultimatum to owner Cal McNair: either Jack Easterby goes or Watson goes. One or the other. What's it going to be, him or me? And Jethro apparently is picking "him" - Easterby.
It's such a Shakespearean tragedy that fans are supporting Watt and Watson's desire to get out of town. They know the Texans with McNair/Easterby calling the shots are hopeless. When was the last time you heard of local fans cheering on players who hate playing for the hometown team? Watson, who is obsessed with winning, is so disgusted with the Texans' organization that he reportedly wants to be traded to a team with an even worse won-loss record than the Texans. This is not going to end well for anybody.
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After finishing up with the Guardians the Astros have a rather important series for early May with the Seattle Mariners heading to town for the weekend. While it’s still too early to be an absolute must-win series for the Astros, losing the series to drop seven or nine games off the division lead would make successfully defending their American League West title that much more unlikely.
Since their own stumble out of the gate to a 6-10 record the Mariners have been racking up series wins, including one this week over the Atlanta Braves. The M’s offense is largely Mmm Mmm Bad, but their pitching is sensational. In 18 games after a 4-8 start, the Mariners gave up five runs in a game once. In the other 17 games they only gave up four runs once. Over the 18 games their starting pitchers gave up 18 earned runs total with a 1.44 earned run average. That’s absurd. Coming into the season Seattle’s starting rotation was clearly better on paper than those of the Astros and Texas Rangers, and it has crystal clearly played out as such into the second month of the schedule.
While it’s natural to focus on and fret over one’s own team's woes when they are plentiful as they have been for the Astros, a reminder that not all grass is greener elsewhere. Alex Bregman has been awful so far. So has young Mariners’ superstar Julio Rodriguez (though not Breggy Bad). A meager four extra base hits over his first 30 games were all Julio produced down at the ballyard. That the Mariners are well ahead of the Astros with J-Rod significantly underperforming is good news for Seattle.
Caratini comes through!
So it turns out the Astros are allowed to have a Puerto Rican-born catcher who can hit a little bit. Victor Caratini’s pedigree is not that of a quality offensive player, but he has swung the bat well thus far in his limited playing time and provided the most exciting moment of the Astros’ season with his two-out two-run 10th inning game winning home run Tuesday night. I grant that one could certainly say “Hey! Ronel Blanco finishing off his no-hitter has been the most exciting moment.” I opt for the suddenness of Caratini’s blow turning near defeat into instant victory for a team that has been lousy overall to this point. Frittering away a game the Astros had led 8-3 would have been another blow. Instead, to the Victor belong the spoils.
Pudge Rodriguez is the greatest native Puerto Rican catcher, but he was no longer a good hitter when with the Astros for the majority of the 2009 season. Then there’s Martin Maldonado.
Maldonado’s hitting stats with the Astros look Mike Piazza-ian compared to what Jose Abreu was doing this season. Finally, mercifully for all, Abreu is off the roster as he accepts a stint at rookie-level ball in Florida to see if he can perform baseball-CPR on his swing and career. Until or unless he proves otherwise, Abreu is washed up and at some point the Astros will have to accept it and swallow whatever is left on his contract that runs through next season. For now Abreu makes over $120,000 per game to not be on the roster. At his level of performance, that’s a better deal than paying him that money to be on the roster.
Abreu’s seven hits in 71 at bats for an .099 batting average with a .269 OPS is a humiliating stat line. In 2018 George Springer went to sleep the night of June 13 batting .293 after going hitless in his last four at bats in a 13-5 Astros’ win over Oakland. At the time no one could have ever envisioned that Springer had started a deep, deep funk which would have him endure a nightmarish six for 78 stretch at the plate (.077 batting average). Springer then hit .293 the rest of the season.
Abreu’s exile opened the door for Joey Loperfido to begin his Major League career. Very cool for Loperfido to smack a two-run single in his first game. He also struck out twice. Loperfido will amass whiffs by the bushel, he had 37 strikeouts in 101 at bats at AAA Sugar Land. Still, if he can hit .225 with some walks mixed in (he drew 16 with the Space Cowboys) and deliver some of his obvious power (13 homers in 25 games for the ex-Skeeters) that’s an upgrade over Abreu/Jon Singleton, as well as over Jake Meyers and the awful showing Chas McCormick has posted so far. Frankly, it seems unwise that the Astros only had Loperfido play seven games at first base in the minors this year. If McCormick doesn’t pick it up soon and with Meyers displaying limited offensive upside, the next guy worth a call-up is outfielder Pedro Leon. In January 2021 the Astros gave Leon four million dollars to sign out of Cuba and called him a “rapid mover to the Major Leagues.” Well…
Over his first three minor league seasons Leon flashed tools but definitely underwhelmed. He has been substantially better so far this year. He turns 26 May 28. Just maybe the Astros offense could be the cause of fewer Ls with Loperfido at first and Leon in center field.
Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and I discuss varied Astros topics. The first post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon (second part released Tuesday) via YouTube: stone cold stros - YouTube with the complete audio available via Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.