A SHOUT-OUT TO JOHN AND KEN

Ken Hoffman relives his painful showdown with tennis legend John McEnroe

Ken Hoffman relives his painful showdown with tennis legend John McEnroe
McEnroe's upcoming Houston appearance should be a real scream. Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images for The Laver Cup

This article originally appeared on CultureMap.

Tennis legends John McEnroe, Jim Courier, Andy Roddick, and James Blake are coming to Houston for a one-night tournament, October 4, at Rice University's Tudor Fieldhouse. The Champions Cup will feature semifinal matches starting at 7 pm. with the winners facing off for the title. Tickets are $35 for adults and $10 for kids under 10.

Fans also can buy VIP packages that include backstage passes, the players' party, and opportunities to "play with the pros" earlier that day. 

Here's some advice. If you pay to play a doubles match with the legends, ask for John McEnroe as your partner. For two reasons:

No. 1: McEnroe may be the greatest doubles player of all time. They used to say, the greatest doubles team is John McEnroe and anyone else. He was part of 79 champion doubles teams, including nine grand slams.

No. 2: More important, you definitely don't want to play against him.

I learned No. 2 the hard way. True story:

Several years ago, River Oaks Country Club hosted an exhibition tennis match. Originally it was going to John McEnroe vs. Xavier Malisse of Belgium.

The tournament director and I cooked up an idea. I would be a linesman and call a "foot fault" on McEnroe's first serve. He would pretend to go ballistic on me, scream his trademark, "You cannot be serious," call me the "pits of the world," and demand that I be removed. Security would escort me to the parking lot and off I'd go. Then McEnroe and Malisse would play a real match.

It didn't happen that way. Malisse didn't show up at River Oaks and the tournament flew in U.S. pro Mardy Fish as a replacement. Also, I heard that somebody in McEnroe's camp killed the foot fault routine.

Instead ... the tournament director told me, "Look, McEnroe and Fish are going to play a match, then we're going to have a fun doubles match, you and Fish against McEnroe and the club champion."

Huh? Sure, I'll do it.

I love John McEnroe. He's one of my favorite players ever, seven-time Grand Slam singles champion, Davis Cup warrior, and the voice and face of U.S. tennis.  I think he's the best TV analyst of any sport. I respect him as a person for the way he's conducted his life. Plus, he was hilarious as a guest on Larry David's show, Curb Your Enthusiasm.

A few days before the match, I did a phone interview with McEnroe to drum up ticket sales. McEnroe couldn't have been more gracious and accommodating. He said he was driving one of his children to school (or something, I forget) and "take your time."

I told him, "I have your autobiography (You Cannot Be Serious). I hope I get to meet you and have you autograph it."

Things turned weird the night of the match. First, Fish beat McEnroe in a pretty tense match. McEnroe, true to his reputation, took the match dead seriously and played his guts out. He's not exactly what you'd call a "good loser," at least not during the losing. 

Now we're going to play doubles. As I was waiting in the players' lounge, an official with the event told me, "We're going to have you wear a microphone. We want you to go after McEnroe, rile him up, make him angry — the crowd will love it."

I told him, there is absolute zero chance I will do that. I should have said, "You cannot be serious!" John McEnroe is one of the reasons I stay up all night watching tennis tournaments from around the world.

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The Rangers beat the Astros, 5-1. Composite Getty Image.

Marcus Semien hit his 250th career home run and Adolis García also went deep to back up a strong start by Nathan Eovaldi and give the Texas Rangers a 5-1, series clinching victory over the Houston Astros on Sunday.

Eovaldi (7-3) limited Houston to five hits and a run with eight strikeouts in 7 2/3 innings for his third straight win.

Houston starter Hunter Brown (9-4) allowed five hits and four runs while striking out eight in five innings as the AL West leaders lost for the fifth time in six games. It was the second straight tough outing for the All-Star, who gave up a season-high six runs in his last start against Cleveland.

Wyatt Langford walked to open the second and the Rangers made it 1-0 when he scored on a triple by Evan Carter. There were two outs in the inning when Carter scored on a ground-rule double by Ezequiel Duran to push the lead to 2-0.García’s third homer in the last four games put Texas ahead 3-0 with two outs in the third inning.

Carter doubled to start the fourth and Kyle Higashioka singled before Carter scored on a sacrifice fly by Alejandro Osuna to make it 4-0.

The Astros cut it to 4-1 on a home run by Zack Short with no outs in the sixth inning.

Semien’s shot with one out in the eighth inning was his second of the series and gave him 250 in his 13-year career.

Key moment

Texas jumping on Brown for two runs in the second inning to take the lead for good.

Key stat

García’s 20 home runs against the Astros since 2021 are the most of any player in that span.

Up next

The Astros open the second half of the season Friday night at Seattle, and the Rangers host Detroit on the same night.

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