HOFFMAN SOUNDS OFF

Ken Hoffman rips Tiger Woods and the latest food trend

Ken Hoffman
Nov 12, 2018, 11:23 am
Mickelson and Woods are all smiles after landing this showdown's payout. Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images

This article originally appeared on CultureMap.

To my golf buddies: Are you going to pay $20-$30 to watch Tiger Woods go one-on-one against Phil Mickelson the day after Thanksgiving on pay-per-view TV?

Let me rephrase that. Do you have any interest in watching the world’s No. 13 golfer (Woods), who hasn’t won a major tournament in more than a decade, play the No. 26 golfer (Mickelson), who hasn’t won in five years and whose golf career is clearly in decline?

The winner-take-all prize is $9 million, not counting side challenges like longest drive, closest to the pin and other bets. So stupid. I wonder how Justin Rose and Brooks Koepka, the actual No. 1 and No. 2 golfers in the world, feel about Tiger and Phil pushing them aside for the big money?

Let’s contrast this with tennis, where the No. 1, No. 2, and No. 3 stars — Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, and Roger Federer — are playing at peak performance and each won a Grand Slam event in 2018. If the No. 13 tennis player went against the No. 26 player on pay-per-view TV, it would pit Fabio Fognini of Italy vs. Richard Gasquet of France. How many people would pay to watch? In the words of a celibate George Costanza: absolute zero!

I understand it makes sense to have American golfers on the pay TV special. But there are six Americans ahead of Woods in the world rankings, and 13 players ahead of Mickelson. That’s not a good sign for golf, when its two most (only) marketable stars are past their prime and don’t win the biggest tournaments.

Dog-gone election result 
Here’s an out-of-state election result that surprised me. Florida, where craziness lives, voted 69-31 percent to approve Amendment 13, banning greyhound racing by 2020. The Sunshine State currently has 11 dog tracks. Florida becomes the 41st state to abolish the so-called “Queen of Sports.” Stop guessing, horse racing is the “King of Sports.”

One by-product of the ban, between 5,000 and 7,000 racing dogs will have to find new dog tracks or go up for adoption. Since only six tracks will be in business in the U.S. after 2020, most of Florida’s greyhounds will be available for adoption. That’s not counting all the greyhound pups who haven’t qualified for racing yet.

Texas hasn’t banned dog racing at the voting booth, but the industry is in such free fall that it’s going away all by itself. Live racing is rarely held anymore at our three dog tracks, in La Marque, Harlingen and Corpus Christi. Gulf Greyhound Park on I-45 in La Marque effectively closed as fulltime facility in 2016. Now it offers live simulcast betting on dog and horse racing from around the country seven days a week, doors open at 11 a.m.

Most blame (or credit) the decline in Texas dog racing to cruelty concerns and more popular casino gambling in surrounding states. Of course we can’t have casino gambling in Texas because our courageous, righteous leaders in Austin are more concerned about who goes potty in which public restrooms. Funny, they sure don’t mind accepting donations from casino operations in other states, though. Okay, not so funny. Put casino gambling on the ballot, I dare you.

A serious Hoffman warning
You know me, always adventurous, always health-minded when it comes to food. I’ve been hearing a lot about new ways that cauliflower is being used to create healthier options. For example, you can get a pizza on crust made from cauliflower. That sounds criminal.

The most popular cauliflower product seems to be mashed cauliflower — as a substitute for mashed potatoes. Okay, I’ll give it a shot. I bought a package of frozen Green Giant Mashed Cauliflower (with "no potato") for $4.99.

The deal is, mashed cauliflower is supposed to taste just like mashed potatoes (one of my favorite foods) and nobody can tell the difference. Really?

Mashed cauliflower is horrible. You know why? Because it tastes like cauliflower, one of nature’s most hideous creations. Not only does it taste awful, it filled my house with a foul odor that had me opening windows and spraying Glade. I thought the smoke detector would go off in protest.

True, mashed cauliflower has fewer calories and carbs than mashed potatoes. But it’s the ultimate pyrrhic victory: not worth it. You can control mashed potatoes’ health hazard by going easy on the butter and milk and sour cream. I use I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter and 2-percent milk and everybody loves my mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving.

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WWE makes a move on AEW

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Born with a comic book in one hand and a remote control in the other, Cory DLG is the talent of Conroe's very own Nerd Thug Radio, Sports. Check out the podcast replay of the FM radio shows www.nerdthugradio.com!

So there's a ton that happened this week and not all of it on just Raw and Smackdown. Let's get to the big announcement first, NXT will be leaving the WWE Network and coming to USA Network and directly competing against AEW on Wednesday nights. Also, NXT will begin touring the country like the Red and Blue brands to give more exposure to these lesser wrestlers and help grow the brand overall. I've always said one of the hurdles an NXT call up has to deal with when they come up is that they aren't nationally known, so sure they pop in Florida where NXT films every month, but how do they play when they're seen for the first time in the Midwest? That's not going to be a problem anymore which will make some of these guys journeys much easier. The choice to compete with AEW I think is their mistake. I think if people have to choose between two things they don't know, they are more likely to give the complete unknown the try rather than the third WWE show, I might be wrong but that's just how I feel.

The other thing I wanted to mention was WWE did a house show here in Houston on Saturday and this is the perfect opportunity to talk about how crazy the WWE schedule is. This is an untelevised show, with guys like Randy Orton, Kevin Owens and Charlotte Flair among other big name stars doing matches, they were flying in from Orlando, doing this show and going right back on the road for Raw on Monday night. This is where the road takes its toll on WWE superstars. When it was reported that Dean Ambrose did 200 matches in one year and you start adding it up, even if he was on every Raw and Smackdown that's only 104 shows. The number of house shows these guys do is insane and it's part of how they make their business work but still, the travel and the wear and tear is incredible.

This week on the shows they began the King of the Ring contest, this is something they never should have gotten away from. King of the Ring is just one of those iconic WWE things that should always be an active part of the brand and I'm glad they brought it back. From both shows the things that stick out the most to me is the Kofi getting tough with Randy Orton, Bayley getting a little rough with Charlotte and I'm so damn tired of the Roman Reigns storyline. I do like Seth and Brawn winning the tag titles, and I hope they let this have a nice long simmer before these two match up for Seth's title eventually.

Feel free to check out my brand new comic book Another Day at the Office email me for details or buy a shirt from Side Hustle Ts where some proceeds help people struggling with cancer or listen to Nerd Thug Radio. Thoughts, complaints, events and comments can be sent to corydlg@gmail.com.

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