WHEEL SCARY

Ken Hoffman's near-death horror stories reveal the dangers of cycling in Houston

Ken Hoffman's near-death horror stories reveal the dangers of cycling in Houston
It's a dangerous road for Houston bikers. Photo courtesy of Houston Heights Association

This article originally appeared on CultureMap.

As CultureMap reported, Houston is the sixth-most-dangerous city for bicycle riding, according to a ranking of 790 cities by Your Local Security, a blog that covers safety issues operated by the ADT home security company. Frankly, I'm shocked by Houston finishing so high on the danger list.

I thought we'd be higher.

The survey was based on factors such as bicycle laws, infrastructure, percentage of people who commute to work on bicycles, and fatal crashes. I know that Houston has ambitious plans to improve things for bicycle riders. In 2017, City Council passed an imaginative Houston Bike Plan, a call for a "highly accessible, citywide network of comfortable bike facilities," and strategies to convince Houstonians to get on their bicycles more often. I get all that.

But until then ... it's war between car drivers and bicycle riders. And guess who wins that? As Sgt. Esterhaus used to warn cops on Hill Street Blues, "Hey, let's be careful out there." I'm talking to bike riders.

Before we build new bikes lanes, how about filling 10,000 potholes along Bissonnet, and sweeping the bikes lanes we have now? I'm sort of a bicyclist, but not a Spandex-wearing rider who pedals 75 miles on Saturday mornings for fun. (Fun?) Once a year, I ride the weekend BP MS 150 to Austin, but that has me limping to Massage Envy on Monday asking, "How much to do just my butt?"

Mostly, I ride to the supermarket, once in a while to "work," to my neighborhood tennis courts, around my spring/summer home in West U, places like that. I like to consider that exercise, but it's really not.

Bike lane horrors
Problem is, the bike lanes along Westpark and West Alabama are garbage dumps — broken beer bottle depositories and gravel quarries. They're dangerous. One skid on the gravel and you're tumbling into oncoming cars. Better to take your chances riding on the sidewalk, which doesn't endear you to pedestrians.

The cities that beat Houston for danger are: Los Angeles and New York City — of course, slam dunk. Next was a part of Brooklyn, followed by Webster, Iowa, and two cities in North Dakota. The North Dakota cities shouldn't even count because how can you ride a bike in snow 11 months a year?

Dear drivers: Why the bike hate?
I don't understand the hatred that some drivers have for bicyclists. I've been honked at, yelled at, thrown things at. For what? There's room for both drivers and pedalers on Houston streets. Once time, true story, while getting a medical checkup, my doctor went off on bike riders who run red lights. I know, he had a point, but let's get back to my heart rate, okay, Dr. DeFelice?

A brush with death
Want to hear about the two times I almost killed myself on a bicycle? (Well, one time; the other time wasn't my fault.)

Friday night in October 2013: After I participated in the Critical Mass bike ride around downtown for a column about the controversial, often wild 'n' wooly gathering, I hit a pothole, or something, on Weslayan Street, between Westheimer and Richmond.

Continue reading on CultureMap.

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The Astros will look to get back on track against the Orioles. Composite Getty Image.

When you hit rock bottom the only direction to go is up. Actually that's not true, you can continue to be a bottom feeder. Things are not nearly so dire for the Astros, despite them enduring one of the more pathetic weeks in franchise history. The Astros nearly had a perfect game pitched against them by a guy who had zero big league wins and a 6.70 earned run average. After managing to eke out a win the following game, they were shutout three games in a row. In the game after that Framber Valdez gave up six runs in the first inning, essentially ending the game right then and there. But hey, the Astros scored two runs in Wednesday's 7-2 loss, snapping an embarrassing run of 31 consecutive scoreless times at bat. Yet somehow over that stretch of gross, the Astros increased their American League West lead! The somehow being the Seattle Mariners saying "hold my beer" and losing five days in a row.

Reminder to those wanting to have the fat lady start warming in the bullpen thinking the Astros are done: the 162-game regular season lends itself to sometimes extreme peaks and valleys. The Astros limped out of Detroit with a record of 14-23 in their last 37 games. Over that time span only the Tampa Bay Rays and San Francisco Giants have worse records. Immediately before this lengthy garbage stretch of performance, the Astros went a blistering 29-10. Bi-polarity is part of the baseball season. The Tigers flat destroyed the Astros three days in a row to run the Motowners' recent spurt to 16 wins in 23 games. Immediately before going 16-7, the Tigers lost 12 out of 13! The longest winning streak in the American League this season is the 13-gamer put up by the Minnesota Twins. The rest of their season was so bad the Twins dealt away nearly half their roster before the trade deadline. The Red Sox had a 10-game losing streak earlier this season. The Yankees endured a miserable stretch of 6-16. Of most direct import to the Astros, the Mariners big dumped seven out of eight games directly after their eight-game winning streak had wiped out what remained of the Astros' one-time seven game American League West division lead. It's the full 162 games that tell the tale. The Astros absolutely could collapse out of the playoffs entirely. But that such is inevitable is ridiculous. In part because….

Yordan Alvarez should actually play in a game that counts this coming Tuesday. Why wait that long? He had two hits and a walk (and a stolen base...why Yordan, why!) in his first game in the minors Tuesday. If the long-injured and recovering hand is okay, having him play in the minors through the weekend is a waste of time. If Alvarez's timing isn't up to speed, so what? The mere threat Yordan represents is better than the dreck populating much of Joe Espada's batting order these days. The back-to-back games he's playing in the minors Thursday and Friday should have been in Baltimore in an Astros' uniform.

Any game Alvarez is the designated hitter removes deployment in the DH role of José Altuve. That's okay, Altuve is needed in left field because the ludicrously lousy offense from the other Astros' outfielders might not be good enough to win this week's Little League World Series. Hyperbole, but you get the point. Cam Smith has been brutally inept at the plate for almost a month and a half, arriving in Baltimore with a .137 batting average over his last 102 at bats and not a single homer in his last 149 ABs. While Smith's future can still be very bright, his present is pitch dark. Jacob Melton has been almost completely overmatched at the plate, batting .170 with an absurd 23 strikeouts in his first 54 at bats. Jesus Sanchez has stunk since coming in trade from the Marlins. Chas McCormick is a better comic reliever than he has been a hitter for more than a year and a half. Taylor Trammell's career big league batting average is .177. No one confuses Mauricio Dubon or Ramon Urias with Craig Biggio, but either guy in the lineup at second base with Altuve in left is better than Altuve at second and any of those outfielders playing.

While the Astros strive to garner at least a split of their four-game set with the Orioles this weekend, the Mariners are home for three vs. the Athletics. Since the All-Star break, the A's have the best record among the five AL West clubs. The Astros have the worst. As this column has covered, wild swings of results can happen at any time, but the Tigers crushing the Astros basically ends plausible Astros' hopes of winding up with the best record in the AL. The Tigers shoved the Astros six games behind them, and clinched the season series tiebreaker. The Astros still could run down Toronto for the second-best AL mark and bye past the best-of-three Wild Card round that comes with it. Along with playing vastly better ball period, the Astros quite likely would have to win their series over the Blue Jays in Canada next month.

For Astro-centric conversation, join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and me for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday. Click here to catch!

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