Every-Thing Sports

Let's discuss 4 outside the box trade scenarios for the Texans

Texans JJ Watt, Will Fuller
You never know what could happen. Composite image by Jack Brame

Sometimes you look at things and see what you want to see in them. Sometimes, you see things for what they really are and it's disappointing. Then there's the Texans' situation. You hate to see it. This team is bad enough to get a top five to ten pick, but can't reap the benefits of it due to what Butt Chin O'Brien has done. The Dolphins have gone from laughingstock to contender at the expense of the Texans' incompetence. Well, mainly Bill O'Brien's incompetence. But there's also Jack Easterby AKA Petyr Baelish AKA Littlefinger. He's had something to do with what's gone wrong with this franchise lately. Actually, he's had a lot to do with what's gone wrong with this franchise over the past few years.

When I look at this team and how far it's come under head coach/general manager Bill O'Brien (despite his obvious shortcomings), there's still room for improvement. O'Brien is now gone, and the only person remaining that has any stroke is seemingly Jack Easterby. He weaseled for power, but managed to get the head coach/GM fired that brought him into the fold. So now what?

We're at the NFL's trade deadline and there are moves to be made. Cal McNair came out and said this team can still compete for one of the final playoff spots and won't be trading anyone. I don't know if he was on drugs or not, so I'll assume he wasn't and made a crazy statement. Being that this is a rudderless ship, what would the trade deadline look like for the Texans?

J.J. Watt trade

They would most likely trade Watt to the Saints for a bowl of gumbo, a hurricane from Pat O'Brien's, and some beignets from Cafe Du Monde. No way Cal or Littlefinger gets this right. Those guys aren't used to dealing with other NFL front office guys and would get fleeced!

Wide Receiver trades

Next up, they'd end up trading Kenny Stills, Brandin Cooks, Randall Cobb, and Will Fuller. Refusing to acknowledge Deshaun Watson needs anyone to throw to, they'd trade every wide receiver in an effort to acquire more draft picks, except they'd end up with a couple 4th round picks, only to waste them on backup tight ends that suck, or offensive lineman that will eventually be cut and go on to a WWE career.

Deshaun Watson deal?

In a total shocker, they'd end up trading their hottest player by accident. Another general manager would call and offer them a first rounder and some change for Watson. In an instant, Cal and Littlefinger would think they're getting over and accept the deal, only to realize they've traded their most prized possession for an underwhelming pick after it's too late.

Laremy Tunsil gets traded too

Figuring they can't do any worse, the bumbling idiots trade prized left tackle Laremy Tunsil for some toilet paper and Kleenex since they can't stop pooping themselves and crying after trading Watson. Things have gotten quite ugly on Kirby. Cal ends up transitioning Littlefinger to the sales department, steps down as the head man, and promotes his teenage son to CEO because he's pretty good at Madden.


This is the kind of thing you'd expect when your franchise is run by a guy who doesn't know what he's doing, and an owner who thinks the people he's hired are "good people." The Texans are a mess and will be for at least another season or so. They need to hit a factory reset on this franchise in order to not waste another great player's prime years. It's sad when your team is known more for wasting it's great players' prime instead of maximizing them. Unfortunately, this is their fate until Cal decides it isn't.

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The Astros beat the Orioles, 10-7. Photo by Carmen Mandato/Getty Images.

Jeremy Peña and Christian Walker each hit a three-run homer, and the Houston Astros outslugged the Baltimore Orioles 10-7 on Friday night.

Colton Cowser went deep for Baltimore, but the Orioles couldn’t pull this game out despite twice cutting a four-run deficit to one.

Steven Okert (2-2) got the win in relief for Houston, and the Astros — who are without injured closer Josh Hader and lefty reliever Bennett Sousa — held on. Houston signed veteran reliever Craig Kimbrel and he was with the team, but the AL West-leading Astros didn’t use him. Bryan Abreu struck out four to end the game and get his second save.

Rookie catcher Samuel Basallo, who agreed to an eight-year, $67 million contract before the game, did not start for the Orioles, but entered as a pinch hitter in the seventh and tagged out a runner at the plate the following inning.

Peña’s drive to left capped a four-run third that included two Baltimore errors. Jeremiah Jackson’s two-run double made it 4-3 in the fourth, but after Orioles starter Cade Povich (2-7) was pulled with two outs in the fifth, Yennier Cano came on and immediately gave up Walker’s homer.

The Orioles trailed 7-6 after Cowser’s solo shot in the seventh, but pinch-hitter Victor Caratini’s two-run double in the eighth made it a three-run game, and Peña’s comebacker bounced off reliever Corbin Martin and into shallow right-center field for an RBI double.

Orioles infielder Vimael Machín hit a solo homer in the eighth in his first big league plate appearance since 2022.

Houston starter Lance McCullers Jr. allowed three runs in four innings after coming off the injured list (right finger blister).

Key moment

Jackson nearly made a diving catch on Caratini’s hit with two outs in the eighth, but once the ball got past him in right, two runs scored to make it 9-6.

Key stat

The Astros improved to 15-8 in games in which their opponent starts a left-handed pitcher.

Up next

Cristian Javier (1-1) starts for Houston on Saturday night against Dean Kremer (9-9) of the Orioles.

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