Every-Thing Sports

My appeal to replace Bill O'Brien

Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

Texans' head coach and general manager Bill O'Brien's time in Houston has been mediocre at best. He's 52-44 (.542) in the regular season and 2-4 (.333) in the postseason. The fourth postseason loss came in the debacle in Kansas City this past postseason. I t was then when the national media finally became fully aware of his ineptitude as a coach. The past two offseasons, including this one, have seen O'Brien the GM make some of the worst trades. He overpaid for acquiring Laremy Tunsil and Kenny Stills, while also getting back minimal value for Jadeveon Clowney and DeAndre Hopkins.

Bottom line: O'Brien has to go. It seems as if the McNairs are pleased with his performance given that they extended him and gave him so much power despite him not producing tangible results deserving of the extension, raise, and added power. Fans have had enough and seem prepared to hit the team where it hurts most: their wallet. Who would want this job? Who's qualified to take over such a mess and make it into something good? Well, I'd like to throw my name into the hat. Here's why I think I'm qualified to right the ship on Kirby:

I'm a football nerd

I understand I've never played the game on any organized level. However, there are people in charge of major corporations who have inherited their positions. There's also a history of coaches and front office officials who have had similar paths. I've studied the game more intimately than those who get paid for their knowledge on the game. I've been told by former players that I know more than some who've actually played it. My favorite compliment came recently when a person told me I hooked them with the way I described gap responsibilities and made it plain enough to understand while also being passionate.

I'm not an arrogant jerk

In this line of work, we offer our opinions. Sometimes we're right. Sometimes we're wrong. There's never been a time in which I was wrong and refused to admit it and eat my words. Often times, I'll preface a statement saying "I hope I'm wrong about this, but..." because I'd rather be wrong about it for the sake of the fans that read or listen to me. I won't disparage my players in public or private without good reason. I won't alienate the media and will be sure to give them proper answers to their questions. I also won't create a toxic environment around the organization in which players tell other players not to come here, media members get their credentials threatened, and other organizations routinely take advantage of us when it comes to trades due to my personal feelings and general stupidity.

My Madden game is pretty good

I know what you're thinking, but hear me out. O'Brien's situational football knowledge is terrible. I've been known to play Madden in a manner in which keeps me in games because I make the right decisions and call the right plays in just about every and any situation. I'm good enough at Madden to have won trophies playing it. I've beaten some of thew highest ranked users in online play before. Using my football nerd-level knowledge of the game, I've been able to figure out how to win more often than I lose. With the way the game is being played nowadays, some infusion of video game knowledge could help take advantage of the current rules. Deshaun Watson has a unique set of skills that I don't feel Bill O'Brien is fully capable of taking advantage of. I believe I can and Madden would help with some of that. It would also help with situational football.

I know what I don't know

The greatest leaders are very smart. They have a level of knowledge and expertise in their field that allows them to attain power. The best of them know what they don't know and surround themselves with some of the best people who do. For example: I know I'm more knowledgable about the defensive side of the ball, so I'd hire some of the best/most creative offensive minds to run that side of the ball. I'd also hire some of the same type of minds on the defensive side to assist me where my knowledge may lack. This way I'm not overly arrogant and relying on my own abilities. It also ensures I'm doing the best I can to make my team as successful as can be. Hiring a general manager whom I respect is a part of this as well. As evidenced by the bumbling trades made on his watch, O'Brien the GM is awful. I know I've said in the past that his role as GM was growing on me, but that growth has turned into a flesh-eating bacteria. Hiring the right people, giving them control to do their jobs, and having faith in them is essential. Having a situational decision-making sheet along with a play-calling sheet is another essential I'd introduce.

To the fans out there: I promise to make you proud. You won't feel the need to sell your tickets, burn your gear, and become fans of other teams. To the media: I vow to answer your questions with respect and to the best of my ability knowing you have a job to do. To ownership: I know this is a business and you're about the bottom line, but winning makes you more money and that's what I'm here for. To the rest of the league: you're on notice because this team will no longer be a joke. So if the McNair family is listening, I'd like my shot. At least give me the chance to earn your trust enough to be a special adviser so I can advise you to get rid of old booty chin because he's taken this franchise down a blck hole of despair. It's time for a change and I'm the agent of change you need!

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