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In a clandestine meeting at a Doubletree by Hilton conference room in Grand Rapids, Mich., in late March 1987, Pete Rozelle, Paul Tagliabue and Roger Goodell secretly hatched a plan for worldwide, around-the-clock NFL expansion, according to multiple sources at or near the gathering who are unauthorized to speak publicly about the undertaking because they might not even know what they're talking about.
And, from all indications, this covert NFL manifesto is now in its final stages.
Here is what the NFL is considering for as early as the 2021 season, according to a report from cbssports.com's Jason La Canfora:
-- Add a 17th game to the regular season and a second bye week.
-- Additional game for each team would be played out-of-market.
-- Out-of-market games every week internationally or in U.S. cities without an NFL team.
-- Add a wild-card playoff game in each conference.
-- Move the Super Bowl to end of February.
Impressively, the NFL is considering doing all of this in the face of growing science about neurological damage to its players and growing resistance from parents to allow their kids to play football.
Then again, the NFL still retains a pervasive hold on much of the sporting public. Heck, the NFL could've sold DirecTV Sunday ticket packages to passengers on the Titanic.
Although the NFL has not added a team since the Houston Texans became its 32nd franchise in 2002, the league has continued to expand in other ways, including scheduling games as many as four days a week and playing multiple games annually in England and Mexico.
Frankly, I believe the NFL should stop its tippy-toe crawl toward global domination and rather stomp its feet en route to replicating the early-20th-century British Empire.
My NFL plan is bolder, brasher and more in line with Jerry Jones' wildest, non-Jason Garrett hopes:
-- A 32-game regular-season schedule.
-- Expand to 48 teams.
-- Back legislation to literally change the calendar to better oblige NFL scheduling needs.
Let's start with this 17th game the league is pondering. One more game? What's that? Reminds me of the U.S. Postal Service upping postage two or three cents at a time. JUST GO FOR IT; double the length of the season, for goodness sakes. More replays! More comebacks! More records! More injuries!
I mean, if they had already done this, Matthew Stafford could've made it to 100,000 passing yards by now without ever winning a playoff game.
By growing to 48 franchises, the NFL can put teams in London, Mexico City, Moscow, Hong Kong, Montreal, Pyongyang, San Antonio, Anchorage, San Diego, Kenosha, Wis., Tunica, Miss., Trinidad and Tobago, Paris (France), Paris (Texas) and Monowi, Neb.
I'd also contemplate taking the Jaguars out of Jacksonville, because nobody ever goes to Jacksonville unless they are already in Jacksonville.
To accommodate this bloated enterprise – and allow the NFL to better command the nation's TV programming – the key would be to replace the seven-day, 52-week year with a six-day, 60-week year.*
(* If you give Donald Trump a team while he is still in the White House – Eric can run it – he will back this calendar change with or without congressional approval.)
Just get rid of Tuesdays – Tuesdays are for losers – and then the NFL could broadcast games on Sundays, Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays; this would leave Wednesdays for ESPN to run an all-day NFL studio bonanza blowout in which 24 of its talking heads debate Stephen A. Smith one hour at a time on various league topics.
Sure, some snowflakes likely will whine about player safety concerns over a nearly year-round season. Not a problem. Through a unique fan promotion that will ensure sellouts every week, if the last available player on the home-team roster gets hurt, one eligible season ticket holder's name will be pulled from a hat and play the rest of the game!
And with in-game betting apps on the horizon, this means you'll be able to watch, gamble on and even play in an NFL game all for the price of a ticket. Wow.
Ask The Slouch
Q. Can you explain to a 78-year-old man the rationale of a player celebrating a touchdown by impersonating a dog peeing? (Joseph Dreyer; La Porte, Tex.)
A. What, you'd prefer he impersonate a dog pooping?
Q. Do NFL players really pin their ears back? (Mark Cohen; Gibsonia, Pa.)
A. Not since Odell Beckham Jr. was fined by the NFL for nonstandard pins.
Q. Using your rapier-like wit, could you discuss the Washington R*dsk*ns? (William Case; Sterling, Va.)
A. They stink.
Q. Why is revenge a dish best served cold? (Bob Lipman; Spokane, Wash.)
A. Search me – I microwave everything.
Q. If Russia is banned from the 2020 Summer Olympics, do you think President Trump will pardon them? (John Oetting; Columbia, Md.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
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The Houston Astros kick off a pivotal weekend series against the Boston Red Sox on Friday night at Fenway Park — and they'll do so with a familiar face back in the lineup. Carlos Correa, reacquired in a stunning trade deadline move on Thursday, is set to make his return to the Astros and will hit cleanup in his first game back with the team that drafted him No. 1 overall in 2012.
Correa rejoins a Houston club that sits atop the AL West at 62-47 and is coming off a resounding 9-1 win over Washington on Wednesday, fueled by Jose Altuve’s four-hit performance. The Astros are 27-23 on the road and enter Friday with the fourth-best on-base percentage in the American League (.321).
The Red Sox, meanwhile, have won six of their last 10 games and hold a 34-21 record at home. Boston enters the weekend third in the competitive AL East at 59-51. Outfielder Jarren Duran has been a spark plug, hitting .265 with 29 doubles and 12 triples on the year.
Houston will send right-hander Hunter Brown (9-5) to the mound, while Boston will counter with RHP Cooper Criswell (1-0).
Friday marks the first meeting of the season between these two clubs.
All eyes will be on Correa’s return in a stadium where he’s delivered countless postseason moments. Now, he begins the next chapter of his Astros career, joining a team counting on him to help fuel their playoff push.
Starting lineup
So how will Joe Espada deploy his new toys? Pena is back at shortstop and leading off, with Altuve hitting second and serving as the DH. Jesus Sanchez gets his first Astros, start hitting third, and playing left field. Correa begins his Astros reunion hitting fourth and playing third base.
Big night in Beantown.
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Yainer Diaz (C) will hit fifth, followed by Christian Walker (1B), and Taylor Trammell (CF). It's interesting to see Cam Smith hitting so far down the lineup at eighth. He'll play right field and finally, Mauricio Dubon will hit ninth and play second base.
Betting odds
BETMGM SPORTSBOOK LINE: Astros -134, Red Sox +113; over/under is 8 runs
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*ChatGPT assisted.
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