The Couch Slouch

Olympics, MLB try to get creative in rescheduling

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Have you ever tried to reschedule an Olympic Games? Sure, many of us have postponed weddings – and there are at least two I should've canceled altogether – but those are much smaller affairs to manage. The Olympics? That's got to be the biggest event in the world, even larger than a "Duck Dynasty" Easter egg hunt.

Meanwhile…

Have you ever tried to push a Major League Baseball season back into autumn and winter? It's a scheduling and logistical nightmare – too many games to fit into too tight of a calendar – pitchers and fans won't like the weather and, of course, Houston Astros video equipment might freeze over.

So IOC and MLB officials, used to waking up around noon before strolling to the bank with those oversized checks usually reserved for Publishers Clearing House winners, now are scrambling to get their money trains back on track.

I guess the IOC had the less difficult task: It simply plopped the 2020 Summer Games in Tokyo into the exact same time frame in 2021.

Ah, if it were only that easy.

So many factors – housing, venues, food services, security, vendors, et al. Do you know how many sporks have to be reordered for the Olympic Village commissary? Those babies just disappear; sporks are always the first item to walk out of the supply closet.

Heck, rebooking flights – airline change fees alone will kill you – is a financial strain.

It's a massive jigsaw puzzle, and every piece must fit. There are 25 or 30 sports, plus golf; you can't just say, "We're all good schedule-wise except for swimming – swimming doesn't work that week, so, okeydokey, we'll drop swimming."

NBC, naturally, will still be there to televise the 2021 version of the 2020 Summer Olympics, but that still leaves a 7,777-hour gaping crater in its schedule this July 24 to Aug. 9.

Sadly, NBC only has three viewable properties: The Olympics, "The Voice" and "America's Got Talent." And, sure, America's got talent, but I don't know if my beloved, beleaguered homeland has enough talent to fill all the network's needs.

(Column Intermission: With everyone corona safer-at-home at the moment, my immediate family is rather tired of hearing my dulcet tones ranting day and night; our pit mix Daisy is the only one who never leaves the room when I'm talking. So I have started the Couch Slouch podcast – for real, folks – available on your favorite podcasting app. Seeking two-legged listeners.)

As for MLB, it is contemplating a lot of less-than-optimal options.

There is still a glimmer of hope for a June 1 or July 1 start, with the possibility of playing initially at empty stadiums – so, for the Miami Marlins, it would be your typical Opening Day.

MLB might use spring training parks in Florida and Arizona, quarantining the teams in those areas and operating with no crowds until the pandemic allows otherwise.

In any compacted scenario, every day is precious, which means…doubleheaders are back, baby! I assume they will still be separate admission because, even though baseball fans will have no money, the 1 percent still needs to make up for lost yachting-and-penthouse revenue.

Speaking of which, super agent Scott Boras – FYI: "super agent" here is a euphemism for "uber-wealthy" – floated a proposal, and since he negotiated ONE BILLION DOLLARS worth of player contracts this offseason, he has considerable financial interest in this.

Boras wants a summer start, and when the temperatures drop in the fall, he points to 11 stadiums that are either domes or warm-weather sites in which postseason games could be played. He envisions a neutral-site World Series, with Game 6 being played on Christmas.

Christmas? The NBA's holiest day? Wow. Maybe they should play Game 7 in Bethlehem.

Various models have 162-game, 144-game or 100-game seasons. Or – here's a thought – they could just skip to the postseason directly; have Joe Lunardi seed the teams 1 to 30, then engage in autumnal March Madness. Call it September Insanity!

My solution? Play the entire season on Strat-O-Matic Baseball: No weather worries and the Astros can't steal signs.

Ask The Slouch

Q. President Trump spoke Saturday with executives from the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, WNBA, PGA, LPGA, WWE, NASCAR and others, but the PBA was not included. What gives? (Larry Snider; Seattle)

A. Underground bowling is flourishing. The White House has its own alley – POTUS should try it some time.

Q. Are you going to follow the government's policy and award all the people who write you the $1.25, or just me? (Bruce Kanter; Laurel, Md.)

A. The government's check should cover you.

Q.The Santa Anita Derby has been postponed due to the coronavirus pandemic. If the horse wears a mask, why should this be a problem? (Mitchell Shapiro; Rockville, Md.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q.Under the new NFLPA agreement, does gambling revenue include all receipts at what will surely be the Oakland-L.A.-Oakland-Las Vegas Raiders Wedding Chapel? (Victoria Dailey; Alexandria, Va.)

A. Pay the lady, Shirley.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!


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It's time for DeMeco and the Texans to draft and develop a quarterback. Composite image by Brandon Strange.

The Texans are poised to turn the franchise around. They have cap room and draft capital. This year and next year's drafts are two of the most important drafts in team history. No, you read that correctly. The only draft more important was the very first. These next two will fight over positions two and three on that list.

Quarterback is the most critical position on the field. When your team has a franchise guy at that position, things tend to fall into place much quicker. Winning is easier. Coaches and general managers keep their jobs when they win. When said QB is on a rookie deal for four to five years (depending on the fifth year option) and is good, the team has more cap flexibility to build around him.

All that being said, the rumors of the Texans doing anything other than selecting a QB in this draft and building around him are crazy. People are talking about all kinds of scenarios now that the combine is done and free agency is upon us. Having a social media account and an opinion seemingly makes people “experts” these days.

First off, the Jimmy Garoppolo rumors are not what's up. If they want to run a bridge QB out there that'll help guide the rookie, they can find a cheaper one. Jimmy G most likely wants a longer term deal with more security. The Texans would offer him some familiarity with the staff, but his time as the guy under center would be limited because of the rookie. Let's say he's interested in coming here on a one year prove-it deal. Let's say he's willing to help groom the rookie. What happens if the rookie is ready to go and Jimmy G has to take a seat? QB controversy is not what you want for a team rebuilding and trying to establish a new culture.

Secondly, taking a QB that requires more grooming, coaching, and time to grow will set this team back further. It'll also raise the questions of whether they took the wrong guy and if they should take a QB when next year's draft rolls around. Bryce Young and C.J. Stroud are deemed as the most ready. Will Levis and Anthony Richardson are seen as guys who are intriguing, but may need some work. Young has size/durability concerns. Stroud is seen as a pocket guy who can't make off schedule plays. Levis has a cannon, but turns the ball over and gets sacked too much. Richardson is a big freaky athlete with a booming arm, but it's more musket than sniper rifle. They all have flaws, but Young and Stroud are clearly the top two in my opinion. A team like this wants to win sooner rather than later. DeMeco Ryans doesn't strike me as a guy who'd come here to tank or even delay the winning process. Draft the guy who's most ready.

Last but not least, don't try to fix the defense at the expense of the offense. Especially at the expense of the main offensive piece you need moving forward. There are some defensive studs near the top of this draft. DeMeco is a defensive coach. Giving him weapons on his side of the ball would immediately correct some deficiencies and make this team more competitive. However, Davis Mills is NOT Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson, hell, he's not even Rex Grossman at this point. All those guys rode great defenses to Super Bowls. A couple of them won it all. This team doesn't have a game manager type to get them where they need to be. The Jimmy G option might be intriguing if you believe this is the way to go. But this team has too many holes to fill in order to make a move like that. It isn't one this or that away from competing for a title. One of the reasons DeMeco was hired was his ability to get the most out of guys on defense and develop them. He's helped turn mid to low round picks into great players. Use the highest picks to retool the offense and allow DeMeco and his staff to work their magic on defense.

This is a tough decision to make, and it isn't. Two things can be true. The hardest part is not knowing what the Bears will do at number one. Once the Texans are on the clock, hopefully the toughest decision they have left is which QB to take. Get Young or Stroud at number two and roll on. If you want to trade back for more picks, use number 12 for that. Don't overthink this, Nick Caserio. Remember, your job is on the line, so draft/act accordingly.

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