SUPER STUFF

Raheel Ramzanali: The 5 most memorable moments from the Super Bowl

Nick Foles was excellent when it counted. Eagles.com

Now that we’ve had some time to reflect on Super Bowl 52, I wanted to recap the five most memorable moments from Super Sunday:

5. Never underestimate how unathletic the greatest quarterback really is in the grand scheme of things. Before you get at me with your “SUCK MY D*CK, A**HOLE! BRADY IS THE GREATEST” nonsense, just know that I’m with you - Brady is indeed the greatest player I’ve ever watched, but that doesn’t mean he’s not that athletic in the grand scheme of things. No number of pliability sessions with the great Alex Guerrero can prepare Brady to catch a pass off a trick play on the biggest stage. This was Brady’s chance to show the world that he’s somewhat capable of making a non-throwing athletic play in the NFL, but he didn’t. If he completes that pass, the TB12 Method is blowing up even  more. We would have evidence that this REALLY works across multiple disciplines like throwing and catching, but instead we’re left with the same ol’ Brady isn’t athletic jokes. Don’t get me wrong, I think throwing for 3 TDs and 505-yards is super impressive, but in my opinion him completing the reception would’ve changed the course of history in how we talk about Brady. Now we’ll always revert back to his Combine picture and the still of him dropping the pass.

4. Kevin Hart is the biggest comedian on the planet. He’s found a niche in Hollywood as The Rock’s comedic relief and literally everyone knows him. With that being said, one of my fondest memories from this Super Bowl was watching Kevin Hart get heat checked after the game when he attempted to get on stage with the Eagles to celebrate their first Super Bowl win ever. I think Kevin Hart’s story is awesome. He’s paid his dues and is now enjoying the fruits of his labor. From being the MVP at the NBA Celebrity All-Star game to making the rounds on Radio Row, Kevin Hart loves being part of big events. So, it was no surprise that after the biggest win in franchise history that Kevin Hart would try to work himself into the mix with the Eagles. Seeing Kevin Hart try to get on stage and then be denied by NFL Security was fantastic. I think at one point he played the “Do you know who I am?!” card, but the NFL does not mess around. They denied him and eventually the camera panned away so we didn’t see how it ended. I could have watched that interaction for an hour to see what other cards Hart would’ve played to get on stage.

3. More and more stories will come out about why Malcolm Butler was benched, but this game will forever be remembered for the sideline shots of Butler just standing there for four hours. Bonus: at first I thought Butler REALLY REALLY REALLY loved the USA or REALLY REALLY REALLY loved Pink’s rendition of the national anthem, but it turns out he REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to play but found he wouldn’t be playing. Bummer.

2. The Eagles really pulled off the upset. Now, it wasn’t a monumental upset in terms of Vegas odds, but still how many of us really thought the Eagles would pull it off? I certainly didn’t and MyBookie.AG can verify it. Nick Foles and Doug Pederson really did it. They were supposed to be the easiest 1 seed to upset going into the NFC side of things, yet they kept winning games and Foles kept on getting better. At no point during the Super Bowl did I think Foles was in over his head. That’s a great lesson for every young player out there on being ready and confident enough when your number is called. We’ll also never forget the “Philly Special” on fourth down and Pederson’s gutsy call. At the party I was at, when the Eagles called the timeout I immediately said Foles was going to run it in, but boy was I wrong when they decided to go all college football on us with trick play. That’s how Super Bowls are supposed to be won. GO TAKE IT!

1. This Super Bowl will forever be known as the game the Eagles finally won it all and the game that inspired an Eagles fan to eat horse turd. That’s right, my number one most memorable thing about Super Sunday was this Eagles fan enjoying himself an entree of horse doodoo during the championship riots.  Once you’re done burning things and flipping cars, you’re really out of things to do in a  riot, so naturally they decided to munch on some horse crap to pass time. I’m not sure what this dude was on, but I feel like the great Rick James quote applies here: Cocaine is a hell of a drug. There is no amount of money you could pay me to eat horse dung, but this dude here did it for free in honor of Nick Foles. Philly, you will forever be known for Rocky, Cheesesteaks, Nick Foles, and people that eat turd cakes from horses.  

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Many of the games have been hard to watch. Photo by Ronald Cortes/Getty Images

They say that breaking up is hard to do, then comes the rebuilding, and that's where the real pain happens. Last week, the 4-9 Rockets lost a tough game, 103-91, to the very average San Antonio Spurs at Toyota Center. That night, Ben McLemore scored 21 points, while P.J. Tucker contributed four points.

Every other point for the Rockets was scored by a player who wasn't on the team last year. That's no way to build a fan base of young people, or older people, or anybody. Because of COVID restrictions, the Rockets can sell only 3,000 tickets to games, and they're still having to offer special deals like four tickets and four drinks (soda, water, wine or beer) for $79.

The night the Rockets fell to the Spurs, DeMarcus Cousins was out with an ankle injury (surprise), John Wall was out with a sore knee (shock), and Eric Gordon sat with a lower leg injury (stunning). They were not sidelined by COVID protocol, it was age creakiness. All three are on the other side of 30. All have a history of missing games because of injuries. Danuel House also missed the game because of a bad back and COVID protocol.

The Rockets took to the floor with able-bodied Mason Jones, David Nwaba, Rodions Kurucs, Kenyon Martin Jr., Jae'Sean Tate and Christian Wood. They're nice players, for sure, they're on an NBA roster. But the NBA is a megastar-driven operation. How many of them would you recognize if they were standing behind you at Costco? The way the Rockets sign, trade and cut players, many or most of the current roster won't be around next year. Becoming a fan of a current Rocket is like falling in love with the Rug Doctor you rented for the weekend at a supermarket. It's going back Monday.

Last year, the head coach was Mike D'Antoni, the general manager was Daryl Morey. Both are established and respected figures in the league. Would you recognize the Rockets new coach Stephen Silas? Can you even name the Rockets new general manager?

And that's how you sink to 14th place in the Western Conference standings, inevitably a lottery team, the end to the Rockets' eight-year run of making the playoffs … the longest current streak in the NBA. The 2021 Rockets aren't just a lousy product, it's worse, they're a boring team. Gordon and Tucker, maybe the two most popular Rockets veterans, are rumored to be traded soon. Fans will have abandonment issues.

Maybe the Rockets should offer something stiffer than beer on "Guys Night Out" next Thursday when the Portland Trail Blazers visit Toyota Center. Good seats available.

That's not what you want to see

Did you see where the New York Mets fired their general manager Jared Porter because he sent explicit, uninvited, unanswered text messages to a female reporter?. Porter absolutely deserved to lose his job. What he did was awful and cruel. More than just losing his job, he should be committed to a home for the terminally stupid. Who does something that moronic? So unconscionable and abusive, on top of being job-killing.

But not all junk shots are meant to be hurtful – here's one that's actually funny, and totally inadvertent and innocent. Several years ago, a local sportscaster not only took a photo of his naked, anatomically correct body, he posted it on Facebook for all of his friends, indeed the world, to see. I won't name the local sportscaster because he was the victim of his own innocent lack of focus. It could have happened to anybody. Not me, thankfully, but anybody else.

Here's how it happened. The sportscaster was taking a shower, and when he emerged, he noticed his kitten curled up in the bathroom sink. Aw, isn't that cute? The sportscaster grabbed his phone and took a photo.

And posted it on Facebook. He didn't notice that, in the background of the photo, in the mirror, was his naked body. You can't say he was butt naked because it was full frontal nudity. You can't say it was a wardrobe malfunction because there was no wardrobe involved. Fortunately his wife noticed the mishap and told the sportscaster to delete the photo.

Here's the real problem, and his solid alibi. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put huge, wide mirrors in the bathroom, especially opposite the bath tub? There's a good look, you're naked, dripping wet, with patches of soap you missed rinsing off. This should be a fleeting disturbing image, not one to be preserved on film or online. Solution: don't bring your phone, or any photographic equipment, into the bathroom. We've all taken accidental photos. Nobody needs to see a photo of your disgusting body. You are not Michelangelo's statue of David. I don't let my dog watch me take a shower or any other business conducted in the bathroom. There is a reason that bathroom doors have locks. Use them.

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