KEEPING IT RAHEEL
Raheel Ramzanali: Some other icons Kendrick Perkins might have missed out on besides Chewbacca
May 22, 2018, 7:02 am
The NBA Playoffs isn’t short of good stories this year, but the strangest story thus far has to be Kendrick Perkins not knowing anything about Chewbacca. Chewy has been in the zeitgeist since 1977, when Star Wars first hit the big screen so Perkins not knowing who he is has to be the most mind-blowing story yet.
Look, I get that Kendrick has dedicated his life to being a professional basketball player so I won’t use this prime real estate to destroy him for not knowing who Chewbacca is ; I’m the same age as Kendrick so I wanted to take the time to catch him up on other really really really popular and “new” things that he should know about as he maneuvers through life. These are things he should recognize right away if they were sitting courtside:
Back to the Future - While not as old as Star Wars, this classic film series has some of the most recognizable pop culture references known to man. From the self-lacing shoes that Nike recently recreated to the jaw-dropping Delorean, Back to the Future references are as important as Chewbacca. Oh, and hoverboard!
Barney - The big purple dinosaur was once the most-known kid programming character ever and if he sat down courtside, it would be a huge deal. I know Barney is now a tantric sex therapist, but that shouldn’t take away from his pop culture recall.
The Avengers - Come on, even Kendrick knows about the Avengers.
Pogs - Man, just unfollow me if you weren’t down with Pogs growing up. Pogs were the Beanie Babies for cool dudes. It was a life changer when Pogs teamed up with Michael Jordan to release the ultimate collaboration for sports fan. You think Supreme x Louis Vuitton was popular? Psh, Pogs x MJ was it!
Michael Jordan - For some reason Kendrick strikes me as a guy that totally ignored the existence of Michael Jordan so he has no idea about His Airness.
Crying Jordan Meme - If he doesn’t know MJ, there’s no way he knows about the MJ Crying Meme.
The MJ vs LeBron Debate - Hey Kendrick, all the cool kids are doing it so you better be up on this pop culture trend where we must take sides and destroy the other side’s legacy.
98 Degrees - You can keep your Backstreet Boys and N*Sync, I’m here for the legacy of 98 Degrees and Nick Lachey. He was the original “damn I feel so bad for him being married to her” reality star. Even though he was with prime Jessica Simpson, he was also the first true reality star where we saw just how miserable one guy could be married to a famous pop icon.
Red Velvet Cupcakes - For a stretch there in 2010, Red Velvet Cupcakes were all we talked about in everyday conversation. This one cupcake generated thousands of cupcake shops and even a television show where we celebrated war, but the only casualty was deliciousness - This is Cupcake Wars.
Smartphones - Kendrick is gonna lose it when he learns about these “new” things that make life so much easier, yet tear us apart as humans.
Lil Tay - Honestly, I don’t even know what a Lil Tay is so I can’t speak on this one, but I know most people know about this trend.
While holding one’s breath that for a change the Astros aren’t publicly grossly underestimating an injury’s severity with Jose Altuve having missed the last game and a half with “right side discomfort…”
The Astros averting a sweep vs. Oakland Thursday was in no way a must-win, but getting the win allowed a mini sigh of relief. The Astros are NOT in the process of choking. Could they collapse? Sure that’s possible. Also possible is that they’ve just been in one more ebb phase in a season of ebb and flow. They certainly have left the door ajar for the Seattle Mariners to swipe the American League West, but with the M's simply not looking good enough to walk through that door the Astros remain in commanding position. The Astros made a spectacular charge from 10 games behind to grab the division lead. But there was a lot of runway left when the Astros awoke June 19th 10 games in arrears. September 3 the Astros arose with a comfy six game lead over the M’s. With Seattle blowing a 4-1 eighth inning lead in a 5-4 loss to the Texas Rangers Thursday night, heading into Friday night the Astros' advantage is back up to four and a half games despite the Astros having lost six of their last nine games and having gone just 10-12 over their last 22 games. Not a good stretch but nothing freefalling about it.
While the Mariners have the remainder of their four-game series vs. the dead in the water Rangers this weekend, the Astros play three at the lousy Los Angeles Angels. The Astros should take advantage of the Halos, with whom they also have a four-game series at Minute Maid Park next weekend. Since the All-Star break, only the White Sox have a worse record than the Angels 19-31 mark (the White Sox are 6-43 post-break!). Two of the three starting pitchers the Angels will throw this weekend will be making their third big league starts. To begin next week the Astros are in San Diego for a three-game-set against a Padres club which is flat better than the Astros right now. That does not mean the Astros can’t take that series. The Mariners meanwhile will be still at home, for three vs. the Yankees.
There are some brutal Astros’ statistics that largely explain why this is merely a pretty good team and not more. As I have noted before, it is a fallacy that the best teams are usually superior in close games. But the Astros have been pathetic in close games. There used to be a joke made about Sammy Sosa that he could blow you out, but he couldn’t beat you. Meaning being that when the score was 6-1, 8-3 or the like Sammy would pad his stats with home runs and runs batted in galore. But in a tight game, don’t count on Sammy to come through very often. In one-run games the Astros are 15-26, in two-run games they are 10-14. In games that were tied after seven innings they are 3-12. In extra innings they are 5-10. The good news is, all those realities mean nothing when the postseason starts. So long as you’re in the postseason. In games decided by three or more runs the Astros have pummeled the opposition to the tune of 53 wins and 28 losses.
General Manager Dana Brown isn’t an Executive of the Year candidate, but overall he’s been fine this season. Without the Yusei Kikuchi trade deadline acquisition the Astros would likely barely lead the AL West. Brown’s biggest offseason get, Victor Caratini, has done very solid work in his part-time role. Though he has tapered off notably the last month and change, relief pitcher Tayler Scott was a fabulous signing. Scrap heap pickups Ben Gamel, Jason Heyward, and Kaleb Ort have all made contributions. However…
Dana. Dana! You made yourself look very silly with comments this week somewhat scoffing at people being concerned with or dismissive of Justin Verlander’s ability to be a meaningful playoff contributor. Brown re-sang a ridiculous past tune, the “check the back of his baseball card” baloney. Dana, did you mean like the back of Jose Abreu’s baseball card? Perhaps Brown has never seen those brokerage ads in which at the end in fine print and/or in rapidly spoken words “past performance is no guarantee of future results” always must be included. Past (overall career) performance as indicative of future results for a 41-year-old pitcher who has frequently looked terrible and has twice missed chunks of this season to two different injuries is absurd. That Verlander could find it in time is plausible. That of course he’ll find it? Absolutely not. His next two starts are slotted to be against the feeble Angels, so even if the results are better, it won’t mean “JV IS BACK!”
Presuming they hold on to win the division, the Astros’ recent sub-middling play means they have only very faint hope of avoiding having to play the best-of-three Wild Card Series. Barring a dramatic turn over the regular season’s final fortnight, Framber Valdez and Hunter Brown are the obvious choices to start games one and two. If there is a game three, it is one game do or die. Only a fool would think Verlander the right man for that assignment. No one should expect Brown to say “Yeah, JV is likely finished as a frontline starter.” But going to the “back of the baseball card” line was laughable. Father Time gets us all eventually. Verlander has an uphill climb extricating himself from Father Time’s grasp.
*Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and I discuss varied Astros topics. The first post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon (second part released Tuesday) via The SportsMap HOU YouTube channel or listen to episodes in their entirety at Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.