Keeping it Raheel

Raheel Ramzanali: Texans training camp bingo

Raheel Ramzanali: Texans training camp bingo
Bill O'Brien and unity will be a big topic. Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images

As we inch closer to players reporting for Texans training camp in West Virginia, we will be hit upside the head with tons of training camp stories from various outlets. Sure every training camp is different, but they really aren’t. That’s why I wanted to throw some bingo spaces out there for storylines that ALWAYS get covered or become a story. So grab your markers and mark off the imaginary board of Texans Training Camp stories:

  • A sports radio host complains about J.J. Watt’s social media activity: Few things rile up sports radio hosts like J.J. Watt’s posting pictures on JJ Watt. It usually starts with the host saying something like, “I don’t even follow the guys, but gosh I saw this picture he posted” and it turns into. “J.J. needs to focus on returning and playing more than just two games this year”. Sure it only takes a minute to take a picture and post it on social, but J.J. HAS TO FOCUS AND STOP SPENDING SO MUCH TIME ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Ugh, we sports radio hosts can be the worst.

  • The Inevitable defense vs. offense fight: Nobody likes a fight, but gosh these training camps are so long and guys get tired of hitting each other! These fights usually happen just days before the first preseason game or in a joint practice. Soon as one happens, mark it off your board!

  • Way too early cuts: Every day we will be hit with the “Here’s my way too early cuts” for training camp, but in reality those stories will be really off right up until the actual cuts are made.

  • Keke Coutee and Drake: Riding the popularity of In My Feelings by Drake, get ready to hear that song everytime Keke Coutee does something good on the field. Bonus: the Keke Coutee hype train. He has a chance to be a playmaker in this offense so you know the hype train is going to be on full speed with every single thing he does in training camp.

  • The offensive line caused Deshaun to get hurt: Maybe they did or maybe it was a missed assignment from a running back, but anytime the injury is brought up or the lack of talent on the O-line, get ready to hear about the injury.

  • Bill O’Brien Unity: The word unity will be thrown around  A LOT.

  • Houston weather vs West Virginia weather: We get it, it isn’t as hot in West Virginia as it is here in Houston.

  • Kiara Mia references: The Texans have a joint practice and preseason game against the 49ers so that means Jimmy Garoppolo will be the topic of conversation for a few days. Get ready to hear about his date with adult entertainer Kiara Mia.

  • “I think this a Super Bowl caliber team:” If everyone stays healthy, this team can win it all.

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The Astros need to turn things around in a hurry. Composite Getty Image.

The Astros have already been swept in four series this season. They were swept in four series all of last season. As Mexico City says bienvenidos to the Astros this weekend, there are certainly more than a few folks fretting that the Astros are already close to saying adios to playoff hopes. The Astros are not at the point of no return, though one can see it out there on the horizon. It wouldn’t take another month of their garbage level 7-19 performance for the season to be essentially down the drain.

If the Astros were in the American League East, they’d already be ten games out of second place. But they’re not! If in the AL Central they’d be eleven and a half games back of Cleveland. But they’re not! Dozens of teams have rebounded to win divisions from larger deficits much later in the season than the Astros face presently. The Seattle Mariners lead the thus far weak AL West at 13-12. The Astros being six and a half games in arrears of the M’s and six back of the Texas Rangers in late April is far from optimal but nowhere near devastating.

Multiple media outlets have noted how few teams historically have started a season in as stumblebum a fashion as the 2024 Astros and wound up making the playoffs. What every outlet I have seen noting that failed to include: this is just the third season since Major League Baseball added a third Wild Card to each league’s postseason field. So, while 7-19 out of the gate is indisputably awful, it is not the death knell to the extent it has been over generations of MLB.

The issue isn’t where the Astros sit in the standings, it’s that they have played atrocious baseball and aren’t providing reason for optimism that a stark turnaround is imminent. The starting rotation is the best hope. Justin Verlander has made two starts. Framber Valdez rejoins the rotation Sunday. Cristian Javier should be a week or so away. Obviously, Ronel Blanco isn’t going to continue pitching as well as he has through his first four starts. But if he is a good number four starter, that’s fine if the top three coming into the season pitch to reasonably hoped for form.

Hunter Brown simply is not a good big league pitcher. Maybe he someday fulfills his potential, but the data at this point are clear. What can Brown do for you? Not much. Spencer Arrighetti needs better command to be a good big league starter. J.P. France was a revelation over his first 17 starts last season, but since has looked like the guy who posted underwhelming numbers when in the minor leagues. If the Astros wind up with 50-plus starts from Brown/Arrighetti/France their goose will probably be cooked.

The only MLB teams with worse staff earned run averages than the Astros’ horrific 5.07 are the Chicago White Sox (Wait! They have Martin Maldonado!) and Colorado Rockies. At 3-22 the White Sox are on an early pace to post the worst record in the history of Major League Baseball. The Rockies never have a chance to post good pitching stats because of the mile high offensive freak show environment in Denver.

Way to go, Joe

Props to Joe Espada for his conviction in making what he believed to be the right call in pulling Verlander after four and a third innings Thursday at Wrigley Field. Verlander allowed no runs but had reached 95 pitches in just the second outing of the injury-delayed start to his season. Not easy for a rookie manager skippering what has been a Titanic journey thus far to pull a surefire Hall of Famer who was two outs away from qualifying for a win. Many were no doubt poised to destroy Espada had Rafael Montero given up the lead in the fifth. Verlander was angry at being pulled from any chance at his 259th career win. Understood, but the manager’s job is to make the decisions he thinks are in the ballclub’s overall best interest. That Montero and Bryan Abreu combined to blow the lead in the sixth is immaterial.

Then there's the offense…

Six runs total the last four games. Scored more than four runs in just one of the last nine games. Timely hitting largely non-existent.

At last check Alex Bregman still hawks that “Breggy Bomb” salsa. At the plate, he’s been mostly stuck in “Breggy Bum” mode, including zero bombs (home runs). 23 games played without a homer is Bregman’s longest drought since 2017 when he had separate 35 and 27 game stretches between dingers. Bregman has a history of slow first months of the season, but never anything as inept as he’s posted thus far. A litany of lazy fly balls, infield pops, and routine grounders add up to a .216 batting average and feeble .566 OPS. Reference point: Martin Maldonado’s worst OPS season with the Astros was .573. If Bregman was a young guy handed a starting job coming out of spring training, if a viable alternative were available, there’s a chance he’d be a Sugar Land Space Cowboy right now. Bregman’s track record makes it a decent bet that he winds up with decent numbers, but nothing special. Certainly nothing remotely worth the 10 years 300 million dollars or whatever Bregman and agent Scott Boras intend(ed) to seek on the free agent market this coming offseason. Two hits Thursday did get Bregman to the 1000 hit plateau for his career.

Despite arriving south of the border with his batting average at .346, even Jose Altuve has his warts. With runners in scoring position, Altuve has one hit this season. One. In 16 at bats. Small sample size, but it counts. That’s .063. Yordan Alvarez has been no great shakes either, five for 24 (.208) with RISP.

One wonders what would happen if the Astros got a hold of and “lost” Jose Abreu’s passport/visa this weekend in Mexico City and Abreu couldn’t get back into the U.S. after the two-game set with the Rockies.

Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and I discuss varied Astros topics. The first post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon (second part released Tuesday) via YouTube: stone cold stros - YouTube with the complete audio available via Apple Podcast, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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