With such a young roster, here's what the Rockets need most
The Rockets have entered a phase of rebuilding they haven't seen since the post Hakeem Olajuwon days. Even then, they were never this far out of contention. They finished last season with a 17-55 record securing the league's worst record and a high lottery pick. Thankfully for them, the pick was number two overall and wasn't number five or worse because it would've gone to the Thunder as part of the Chris Paul/Russell Westbrook trade. They turned that number two overall into Jalen Green: a 19-year-old prospect who was widely considered as the most explosive scorer/athlete in the draft this year. He was one of FOUR 19-year-olds they drafted with their four first round picks in the draft!
To say there's a youth movement in this rebuild would be an understatement. The four kids they drafted, along with Christian Wood (25), Jae'Sean Tate (25), Kenyon Martin Jr. (20), and Kevin Porter Jr. (21) are expected to be a part of their future moving forward. Considering the twenty guys currently on the roster, the average age is 23.75 years old. If you take the four guys they drafted and the four guys already on the roster expected to be a part of the team moving forward, the average age drops to 20.875 years old. This team is in desperate need of a chaperone because most of these guys don't have the NBA experience, much less life experience, in order to survive at this level.
Here's where I come in handy! Most of these guys are between my son's age (18) and my youngest sister's age (28). Seeing as I've managed to help guide them towards success, I feel as though I'm qualified to be the Rockets' chaperone. My ex-wife would be my assistant because she's been a huge help over the years. She's been the yin to my yang. More often than not, she's been the good cop to my bad cop. She's the nice one, while I'm often seen as the jerk. She'll be the one to help them adjust, meanwhile, I'll be the one to make sure they stay grounded.
I also come with experience in how not to mess up your money, considering how I've managed to be cheap (I say frugal), even when there's money to spend. Nowadays, it's all about showing how much drip you have. I, on the other hand, will ensure these guys stay focused on what affords you the ability to drip: basketball. Work hard and play harder is the motto some live by. While she and our kids would make sure their drip is as on point as can possibly be, I'd be reminding them how much they need to save and/or invest for their future.
When you have a team full of guys who were born during Clinton's second term or Dubya's first term, you have a REALLY young core! Half of them can't legally buy a drink, while the other half still get carded! These guys will need guidance and that's where a chaperone comes in handy. I've been there and done that when it comes to this thing called life. As bad as I want these guys to succeed, I also want them to have long term success. The only way to achieve that is to ensure they prioritize things. Any good chaperone would do whatever it takes to make sure these guys have success on and off the court. May the odds forever be in my favor.