Doomsday is not quite the end of the world
Doomsday hits Houston: The best wrasslin’ show in Texas
Jovan Abernathy is an international marathoner and owner of Houston Tourism Gym. To claim your free tour, contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org
Being owner of Houston Tourism Gym, I make it my business to know all I can about our wonderful city of Houston, Texas. All the fun stuff. Stuff that teaches. Stuff that makes you feel creative. And quirky stuff. Speaking of quirky stuff, let me tell you about Doomsday Wrestling.
One day, I walked into the new brewery in town, Sigma in Eado (It was 2016). After walking about 16 miles that day, I was in serious need of 08/29/97, their signature IPA (they named it for the date of Doomsday in Terminator 2). As I was enjoying my refreshing brew, I noticed a ruckus in the brew room.
Owners Nick and David look at each other with sly grins and tell me to take a look. I open the double doors to the back of the brewery. I'm taken aback at the sight of two grown men and one woman body slamming each other in a full sized ring. All of a sudden, I'm approached by Tex Lonestar. He is a tall, overly friendly man who speaks with a southern accent. If you are old enough to remember on Three's Company, when Jack Tripper's cousin, Tex, would visit from Texas (It was really John Ritter doing this hilarious Texan accent)…that's Tex Lonestar.
"What is this?" I ask.
"It's the best wrasslin' show in all of Texas. I'm Tex Lonestar, the announcer. This is my daughter Charlene Lonestar. The lady in the ring is Hot Flash because she over 50, and the gentleman is Bojaffo, the genie. Are you coming to our show?
This was my introduction into quirky Houston. It was a few months before I was finally able to see them in show. I was impressed. One night, I was out walking (go figure). I ended up at the Moon Tower Inn on Canal St. As I walked up, I saw the full sized ring. Tex Lonestar steps into the ring. He is now dressed in an old country suit that you would see Meryl Haggard or Kenny Rogers wear in the late 70's.
The title match that night was supposed to be between the Top Banana (known for his humility, not!) and the Lunchador. However, the Lunchador ate himself into a food coma. Tex Lonestar beckons him in the ring. The Luchador wobbles in and immediately collapses at Tex's feet. Unable to resuscitate him, they roll him off the stage.
Russian Cub shows Cream Street who's boss.
They are also known for their wacky duos like Milk and Cookies, the Russian Bear and Cub, and of course, Cream Street.So Cream Street is comprised of two brothers Cody and Cory Cream. It is unknown whether they are actually porn stars, but it is highly suggested. They will be the ones dressed in tight spandex, fuchsia daisy dukes with turquoise midriff tops. Every time they enter the ring, without fail, they are accompanied by Ginuwine singing his sexy lyrics: "If your'e horny, jump on it….." You know the words.
Cream Street kicking some ass!
Also noteworthy is the unique talents of the wrestlers. Bojoffo can turn Lunchador's Snickers into carrot sticks. Animalia acts like an animal. La Dee Da, a millennial armed with an Instagram account and an iPhone, has the ability to be blaze blaze about everything. Twerkules will twerk you to death or at least hump the ring as he enters it. And I suggest you be very afraid of Cody and Cory Cream when they pin you down. They tend to rub their balls on your hand, your face, whatever is closest. They don't care.
Whether you think it is hilarious, stupid, or the grossest thing ever, your Doomsday experience will definitely be memorable. You can have a chance to see for yourself. The next show: Spring Break Your Face takes place on March 30. The title fight is between the Top Banana and Monkey Boy.
I'll even make it easy. You can join me on a 6-mile adventure to the Doomsday Wrestling Show. You'll be wondering what the hell, why the hell, how the hell did I get here. To reserve your spot, email email@example.com with the phrase: I'm going to Doomsday.