THE COUCH SLOUCH
A playful look at sports media and dealing with Twitter mobs
May 18, 2020, 8:23 am
THE COUCH SLOUCH
I made a typographical error in my column last week: I meant to say that we need more sports, not less. In my defense, I'd been washing and folding my American flag and wasn't focused on my Samsung Galaxy Book S keyboard.
Ugh. So I woke up midday to find 37 texts telling me I was trending No. 1 on Twitter. How could this be? I briefly thought I must've slept-walk and robbed a string of minimarts up and down the West Coast.
No.
I was just a victim of Fox Sports' buffoonish enfant terrible, Clay Travis.
Perhaps you are unfamiliar with Travis, the white-hot attention seeker, a failed-lawyer failed-thinker babbler of contrarian nonsense who now rides down the middle of the street on a unicycle shouting, "Look, Ma, no hands!"
Travis tweeted out The Washington Post headline on my column, "The pandemic has reminded us: we don't need more sports – we need less," to his 670,000 Twitter followers, while addressing how stupid I am and how much sportswriters like me disdain sports.
This triggered his ready-to-rumble base, igniting the usual Twitter online mob. Thankfully, I slept through most of it, dreaming of athenaeums and student-nonathletes.
In the column – as I have done countless times in the last 20 years – I satirically questioned the oversized role of sports in our culture. Ooh…revolutionary stuff!
Travis's premise is that I am rooting against the return of sports and hate them. Hmm. How much could I possibly hate sports if I have NBA League Pass? Heck, if you're watching a New York Knicks-Sacramento Kings game at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday night, you might hate yourself more than you hate sports.
Anyway, after awakening, I decided to engage my attacker on Twitter; this seldom ends well.
Following an opening tweet in which I mentioned that Travis was "the smartest man in the room" because I had heard him say that on his radio show, this was our exchange:
Travis: Norman, thanks for listening. But listen better. I didn't say I was the smartest guy in the room. I said compared to people like you, I'm a genius. Which I am.
Me: My bad, Clay, I misheard this on your March 25 show: "I'm a pretty smart dude…pretty much every test I've ever measured, I'm in the 99.9 percentile….If I had wanted to be, I would've been a doctor." Uh, 99.9% sounds pretty high.
Travis: Thanks for the additional podcast listen, bud, but just step away from the keyboard. You're making yourself look even (more) ridiculous.
Travis was pulling a page straight out of the POTUS 45 playbook: Say something preposterous, get asked about it, say you didn't say it, then after somebody reads back the exact thing you said that you claim you never said, deride or ignore them and change the subject.
One of Travis's favorite longtime targets is ESPN, supposedly a liberal hotbed with an on-air political agenda.
Gosh, I hate when people make me defend ESPN.
Sure, Clay, it's an ACLU incubator over there – Chris Berman canvassed for Eugene McCarthy in 1968, and I know for a fact that Linda Cohn has a Friedrich Engels bobble head on her desk.
During the pandemic, Travis has railed on Fox Sports Radio about the coronavirus hoax with his "data-centric rational thinking." He constantly misleads his audience, and after being proven incorrect, simply gives a new set of unimpeachable, flawed data. He loves moving the goalposts, and he's darn good at it – as an SEC diehard, he knows how to cheat.
Travis operates similarly to the forward-thinking neo-Neanderthals at Barstool Sports, a.k.a. Barstool Sample. My column riled them, too; you don't mess with the stoolies' sandbox. Over time, I have been variously attacked there by monstrously talented PFT Commenter, monstrously untalented Barstool Nate and the monster himself, Barstool Sample president and lead predator Dave Portnoy.
You can't fight these guys – never sling mud against people who roll in it. Their M.O.: When you go high, we'll go low; when you go low, we'll go lower. Battling these feral bedlamites, and their mindless minions, is like bringing a butter knife to a shotgun fight.
Besides, I don't have time for this, even in our sports-less here and now. I'm midway binge-reading the Bible – I'm up to the part about the guy with the tablets. Good stuff.
Ask The Slouch
Q. If only essential employees are toiling under these pandemic conditions, why would MLB players be working? And if college campuses are closed to students, why would some students be there to play football? (David Allen; Chicago)
A. Are these rhetorical questions?
Q. What does it say about the current coronavirus-state of sports journalism when I actually look forward to reading your column every week? (Philip R. Hochberg; Chevy Chase, Md.)
A. Good to know my work only thrives during once-in-a-century pandemic conditions.
Q. Did NFL cornerbacks DeAndre Baker and Quinton Dunbar at least keep their masks on and practice social distancing while allegedly robbing guests at that Florida cookout? (Dan Cantwell; Albany, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!The 2025 season hasn't gone according to script for the Houston Astros. Injuries, slumps, and a retooled roster have left fans asking whether this version of the Astros is underwhelming—or if, given all the turmoil, they might actually be overachieving.
When Houston dealt Kyle Tucker, a franchise cornerstone, the move raised eyebrows. Tucker was a consistent producer and an anchor in right field. In return, the Astros received infielder Isaac Paredes, pitcher Hayden Wesneski, and third baseman now outfielder Cam Smith—players who didn’t bring the same star power but offered versatility and upside.
Paredes has delivered as advertised. He’s brought steady production at the plate and the ability to play a solid third base. While he may not be with the team beyond 2027 if the front office sticks to its recent pattern of letting players walk in free agency, his presence right now is stabilizing an otherwise inconsistent lineup.
Then there’s Cam Smith, who might be the real key to this deal. After a slow start and questions about whether he or Zach Dezenzo was the better option in right field, Smith has surged. Over the past 30 days, he’s hit north of .300 and shown signs of becoming a long-term fixture. The biggest question now is positional: Is he Houston’s future in right field, or could he eventually slide over to third base if/when Paredes departs? That decision will ripple through future roster planning and could define how this trade is remembered.
In the meantime, however, he’s shown flashes of being a quality everyday player. But it’s not uncommon for young hitters to take a step back after an initial surge. The Astros need him to keep proving it, but the potential is unmistakable.
Underwhelming or overachieving?
Elsewhere on the roster, the results are mixed. Players like Jake Meyers and Victor Caratini, who came into the season with modest expectations, have performed admirably. Meanwhile, stars like José Altuve, Christian Walker, and Yainer Díaz have underperformed, leaving the offensive output uneven. Add in the extended absence of Yordan Álvarez and the loss of three-fifths of the starting rotation, and it's fair to say Houston has had more than its share of adversity.
King of the hill
One area where the Astros have arguably found a diamond in the rough is Bryan King. With a 1.52 ERA in 2025, King has passed the eye test as a potential long-term solution in high-leverage relief situations. He’s been more than capable, building on a solid 2.39 ERA in 2024. His performance has solidified his place in the bullpen, and he’s taken on ownership of his role. However, it’s important for the Astros to temper expectations, especially after the lessons learned from the Rafael Montero signing. King looks like the real deal, but he still has a ways to go before being considered a true elite option out of the 'pen.
What should we make of the Alex Bregman quad injury?
Bregman’s injury doesn’t really change the conversation around whether the Astros should have extended him. If anything, it highlights the complexity of roster decisions. Houston could’ve kept Bregman, shifted Paredes to first base, and potentially avoided spending big on Christian Walker. But injuries are part of the game—Yordan Álvarez has missed nearly half the season, and no one’s suggesting the Astros should regret signing him. Kyle Tucker missed significant time last year, too, and he’s about to land a massive contract. Players get hurt. That’s baseball.
Moving forward
While the Astros have struggled with injuries and inconsistent performances, they have managed to remain competitive—perhaps even overachieving given the circumstances. The team's depth, the surprising performances from certain players, and the emergence of promising new talent have allowed them to hold their ground, currently possessing a Wild Card spot in the AL if the season were to end today.
There's so much more to discuss! Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!
The MLB season is finally upon us! Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday!
*ChatGPT assisted.
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