![Barry Laminack: 7 things I hate about sports](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xODc2ODYxOC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTc0MzQ1NDY5NX0.2r_gsqmyy7-cxOmQUm-7dOtJazwRHQ-RdmKCUN5O6Ko/img.jpg?width=980&quality=65)
Celebrations should happen when you actually win something big. Ezra Shaw/Getty Images
I'm by no means an old man, but at 44 years old there are some things that bother me - and I don't care if you don't like it.
I'm not old school in that I don't think anybody should be having fun out there on the court or field, definitely not. It’s just that some of it is annoying to me.
These young whippersnappers might like it, sure, but they need to stay the hell off my lawn!
Also my back hurts and I need a nap.
And who took my tools? I can't find my hammer so I’m pretty sure somebody broke into my garage and stole it because there’s no way I just misplaced it.
Anyway, here are 7 things I hate about sports, grouped by league but in no particular order.
NBA
Pregame Handshakes
The pre-game “handshake” is getting out of control. First of all, the players are acting like they haven’t seen each other in months, when in reality they just saw each other in the locker room.
And what used to be a simple “high five” is now a choreographed dance. I swear the next step is to have some guy yelling out steps like they do at a square dance.
“Everyone Box The Gnat!
Prominade!
Now we Do Si Do.”
(yes, I had to google that sh--)
The hoody warm-up
Let's be real Mr. NBA player; it's not cold in the gym so you don't need to wear the hoodie. You're only doing it because you think you look cool, but you actually don't. You look like a scuba diver that just got out of the water.
Free throw celebrations
This has been bothering me for YEARS now. So much so that I’m kind of actually used to it. High fives and dap should be reserved for celebrating a great accomplishment. Making a free throw, aka THE EASIEST SHOT IN BASKETBALL, shouldn't be celebrated.
This is especially true IF YOU MISS THE DAMN THING!
NFL
Uniform Strictness
Hey NFL, lighten up already.
There’s a reason somebody said that NFL stood for “No Fun League.”
Let the teams be free to explore different options for their uniforms. If some teams want to stay traditional so be it, that's their option, but let other teams that want to try different color schemes and different uniform looks do so. Take a page out of the Oregon Ducks book for goodness sake. It's fun and people gravitate to it, and it might just help you sell more merch.
BASEBALL
Regular season walk-off win celebration
Winning 1 of 162 games isn’t that big of a deal, but you wouldn’t know that when you watch most teams celebrating a walk off win. In fact, if you didn't know any better you’d think said team just won the World Series.
Save that for the October, not for game 47 in May.
Exception to the celebration is the bat flip. I love the bat flip. We definitely need more bat flips in baseball. I want bat flips so grand that StatCast starts to track their launch angle.
Home run nicknames
I'm looking at you, “Springer Dinger” fans.
This might be the dumbest thing ever. How about we just call it a home run and enjoy it for what it is. It doesn't have to have a fancy name, does it?
OK I really like “McCannon baaaall” (said by Geoff Blum, when Brian McCann goes yard). That one's really great, otherwise they're all just really stupid.
All right I really just hate Springer dinger.
Also, I'm super pissed that no one ever called it a “Conger Donger” when Hank Conger was here and would go deep, #MissedOpportunity.
The Unwritten Rules of Baseball
Could someone please write all the #&(%@*$! rules down, already? I can't keep up with all this nonsense used by these sensitive ass baseball players. I swear to Zeus, baseball should be the choice of millennial sports fans the way some guys in the game are so sensitive about what amounts to absolutely nothing.
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Sep 5, 2024, 7:27 pm
Each football game of a season carries much more weight than one game in a 162 Major League Baseball schedule. That reality, combined with the National Football League campaign opening and with it the most anticipated season in Texans’ history, the Astros are relegated to second banana this weekend. Just the way it goes despite the Astros’ phenomenal extended run from 10 games out of first place in mid-June to now having control of the American League West race and a likely (though definitely not yet certain) eighth consecutive year of postseason play.
It is reality that getting swept out of Cincinnati cost the Astros two games in the standings to Seattle the last two days and trimmed their division lead to four and a half games going into this weekend. There was nothing shameful about getting swept. It’s not as if they choked. They got outplayed and beaten in all three games. Stuff happens within a 162-game season. The 2019 Astros were vastly better than the 2024 Astros. The 2019 ‘Stros posted the best record in franchise history at 107-55. In Justin Verlander and Gerrit Cole they had the two best pitchers in the AL. The Reds finished 75-87 in ’19. In the lone Astros-Reds series five years ago, Verlander and Cole started two of the three games. The Reds swept the Astros out of Cincy by scores of 3-2, 4-3, and 3-2. Stuff happens. The following week the Astros called up Yordan Alvarez. There is no Yordan coming to fortify the offense now, but wait! Is that Kyle Tucker's music?
The Astros host the NL champs this weekend
It’s highly unlikely but it’s still a possible World Series preview at Minute Maid Park this weekend with the Astros home for three games versus the Arizona Diamondbacks. The reigning National League Champions woke up under .500 July 11, but since then have been sizzling with 33 wins against just 15 losses. Over the same time frame the Astros are 27-21. The Diamondbacks by a large margin have scored the most runs in MLB this season, and that’s while playing the last nearly three weeks without Ketel Marte because of a high ankle sprain. Marte has been far and away the best second baseman in the game this year. He may return this weekend in a designated hitter role. The Arizona offense overall has been sensational, however it has vulnerability against left-handed pitching, in significant part because it typically takes lefty-hitting platoon beast Joc Pederson out of the lineup. The D’Backs are 55-35 in games facing right-handed starters, just 24-27 in games started by opposing southpaws. The Astros have lefties Framber Valdez and Yusei Kikuchi set to go in the first two games this weekend. While the Astros deal with the Diamondbacks the Mariners are in St. Louis for three against the Cardinals.
Eleven Diamondbacks have had at least 200 plate appearances this season. Only one of them has an OPS below .725. The Astros also have 11 guys with at least 200 PAs. Five of them lug around sub-.715 OPSes: Jeremy Pena (.714), Jake Meyers (.664), Mauricio Dubon (.645), Jon Singleton (.697), and Chas McCormick (.566).
Maximizing Tucker's return
Speaking of returns, Tucker fiiiiiiinally should see action for the first time since his June 3 bone bruise. Oh wait, broken leg. Shame on the Astros for their BSing over this and other injuries. Yeah, Alex Bregman slept funny. Whatever. To boost the lineup Tucker doesn’t have to be the .979 OPS MVP candidate he was when felled. Ben Gamel has done some good work, but over time he’s Ben Gamel. Same for Jason Heyward. If Tucker's legs are under him his power is a B-12 shot and only Yordan is in his league in on-base percentage. Joe Espada has decisions to make as to how slot the batting order. Against a right-handed starter Jose Altuve, Tucker, Alvarez, Yainer Diaz, Bregman one through five makes sense with Tucker dropping down below Yainer against a left-handed starter. No question those are the top five in some order. How much of a workload Tucker is ready for bears watching. Presumably he doesn’t initially play the outfield day in day out. When Tucker DHs obviously Bregman (and Yordan) can’t so Alex’s ailing elbow holding up is key. One might say hopefully the bone chips don’t fall where they may. Tuesday the Astros start a stretch playing 16 days in a row.
Keep hope alive!
If you’re an Astros fan holding out hope of chasing down the second seed to avoid having to play the best-of-three Wild Card series, say it with me, whatever nausea it may induce: “Go Dodgers Go!” Hurt as it might, business is business. The Dodgers play host to the Guardians. The Astros trail Cleveland by five games with just 22 to play, but do finish the regular season with three games at Cleveland. It's pretty much over for the Astros to catch both the Orioles and Yankees.
Season-long trends mean nothing once the playoffs start, and that’s a good thing for the Astros provided they are in the playoffs. They continue to flat out stink in close games. Thursday’s 1-0 loss to the Reds has the Astros record in one-run games at 15-24. In two-run games they are 10-14. Correlatively, the Astros also continue to routinely fail late in close games. The Astros have played 14 games that were tied after seven innings. They have lost 11 of the 14. In games tied after eight innings they are 7-13. Every team loses an extremely high percentage of games when trailing after eight innings, but the Astros haven’t pulled out a single game they’ve trailed going to the ninth. 0-50. Oh and fifty. But hey, the White Sox are 0-92!
*Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and I discuss varied Astros topics. The first post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon (second part released Tuesday) via The SportsMap HOU YouTube channel or listen to episodes in their entirety at Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.