Every-Thing Sports

Bleep it! Go full heel turn!

Astros World Series
photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

I've listened to all the bull bleep and crap spewed after Jim Crane allowed Rob Manfred to clip his manhood and put them it a glass case with the heavy handed punishment in regards to the Astros sign stealing scandals. He then bowed down even further by forcing his players to publicly apologize at Spring Training. It was despicable. In the first hour of Late Hits, Patrick Creighton and Jayson Braddock laid out how many times throughout history teams were caught stealing signs and how they were doing it. This crucifixion of the Astros as if they're some sort of lone bandit is sickening!

All the people bitching and complaining, the frivolous lawsuits, the blatant ignorance, the spreading of baseless accusations...This should all serve as fuel to the Astros and their fans this season. They got caught. They thumbed their noses at the whole apology thing, especially Alex Bregman (shot out to Justin Verlander for wearing the "Nobody Cares" hat at the golf outing). Bleep it! Let's go full heel mode! The heel turn is complete.

First Things First

A heel turn is a wrestling term used to describe a good guy (a babyface or face) turns into a bad guy or heel. The Astros were the fun-loving bunch of homegrown talent of a franchise that endured tanking in order to restock their minor leagues. That paid off in a major way in 2017 when they won a World Series. It was extra sweet considering Houston was hit by Harvey that August. Most of the world fell in love with them. They were the John Cena of baseball. They were beloved by most, and still hated by a good amount of folks for their antics.

Scandals Tear Away At Their Image

Sign stealing was the straw that broke the camel's back. When they signed Roberto Osuna, there was a ton of backlash and understandbly so. He was suspended amid a domestic violence incident and they traded for him anyway. That lead to another incident in which former GM Brandon Taubman was fired for causing a stir in the locker room for being obnoxious about the Osuna trade towards some female reporters. Top this bleep cake off with thew fact that former GM Jeff Luhnow created a toxic work environment, and you have the making of a heel turn.

Heel Mode: Activated

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Back in 1996, Hulk Hogan turned heel when he joined the nWo. The wrestling world was turned on its ear. Everyone actually thought WWE sent them to take over WCW. Fans were shocked to see their hero of the last 10-plus years turn heel. This is how Astros fans must feel right now. Their beloved team got caught stealing signs. Now what? Bleep it! Go with it. Yeah they got caught. No they weren't the only ones. Sure the punishment is harsh. And yes, the trolls and piece-riders in media and other fan bases are annoying AF, but embrace it!

Relish The Role

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You know what happened to the nWo? They ended up becoming the hottest act in wrestling. Stone Cold Steve Austin did something similar. Both were supposed to be heels, but were so good at it and so cool, people ended up liking them. They were cheered, sold a ton of merch, and drove ratings through the roof. So much so that WCW actually beat WWE in the ratings for over a year. This is what the team and fans need to do. I don't give a flying flip that they cheated! "If you aint cheatin you aint tryin!" and my other favorite line "It's only cheatin if you get caught!" Become the cool heels. Celebrate homeruns and big hits by simulating buzzers and banging trash cans. Have a trash can bobblehead giveaway. Pretend to talk into fake buzzers and devices in the dugout. Fans: wear "Steal It Back" shirts and create other parody paraphenelia to thumb your noses at the crybabies from other teams.

I don't give a damn what people may think. If they stink, do it anyway. Do it more if they're mashing the ball and leading the division. During the All Star festivities, keep it going by pretending to steal signs and bang trash cans. That World Series win isn't going anywhere. It's history, it happened and they can't undo it. Ignore the dumbasses online and in the media. They're going to say all kinds stuff to keep this going, so don't feed them MLB can pretend to investigate other teams all they want, but we all know they want this to go away faster an unwanted rash in their nether regions. So let's go full heel Houston! Screw them! It's us versus all yall mentality from here on out!

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Can the Texans overcome the loss of Azeez Al-Shaair? Composite Getty Image.

No Texans game this weekend. No Texans game for Azeez Al-Shaair for a month. Let’s state it simply up front. Al-Shaair's knockout shot of Jacksonville quarterback Trevor Lawrence was flagrantly illegal and obviously worthy of suspension, even more so with Al-Shaair's other personal fouls this season taken into account. He doesn’t get a three-game suspension without a track record. Well, he has one. As the saying goes, if you can’t do the time don’t do the crime. Silver lining, Al-Shaair should be fresh for the playoffs. He can return for the regular season finale.

Attacks on Al-Shaair's off-field character have ranged from unwarranted to offensive, but his on-field character can fairly be called out. Many players in such a violent sport have different personalities on and off the gridiron, but cheap shots are cheap shots and Al-Shaair is a recidivist taker of them. The hit on Lawrence was in one way the least egregious of Al-Shaair's three clear offenses this season in that, wrong as it was, at least it came in making a football play. He should have been kicked out of the Bears game in week two for throwing a punch on the sideline. Two Sundays ago he drilled Titans’ running back Tony Pollard in a blatant late hit out of bounds.

The argument that Lawrence slid late and hence Al-Shaair couldn’t stop himself is a weak lesson learned in an Excuse Making 101 class. Lawrence was a full four yards from Al-Shaair when he started to slide. Of course the action happens fast but that was enough time for Al-Shaair to react differently than by launching himself and leading with a forearm shiver. The claim that he was committed before Lawrence slid does not hold water. He’s not going that low against a runner (and making no effort to wrap and tackle) unless the idea was to go for the knees, also illegal. Any Texans’ player, coach, or executive alibi-ing for Al-Shaair would probably have gone ballistic if, say, Josh Hines-Allen had made the exact same hit with the exact same result against C.J. Stroud.

Fandom: where passion knows no bounds

I think doctors still take the Hippocratic Oath of integrity and pledging to always do what is best for the patient. For many sports fans there is a de facto Hypocritic Oath taken, by which a fan can gloss over wrongdoing when done by one’s preferred team, but want the book thrown at an opponent guilty of the same wrongdoing. The Astros’ cheating scandal was the classic exhibit of that here. Had the 2017 Dodgers been the team caught with hands in the same cookie jar instead of the Astros, many Dodgers fans would have scoffed that it was no big deal and “everybody was doing it.” Meanwhile many Astros fans would have been beyond apoplectic at the nefarious deed and wanted the Dodgers punished to the max. The way of the world.

If one wants to argue that quarterbacks are over-protected, so be it, but everyone knows they are heavily protected as the most valuable and expensive group of commodities in the game. If a defender can’t play accordingly, the defender is the problem, not the rules. There are those who romanticize what used to be allowed in the NFL, and lament what they consider the “wussification” of the game today. It’s a rather Neanderthal-ish perspective given the reality of CTE and the numerous sad stories of dementia and suicide.

Examining the ripple effect

While not a star, Al-Shaair will be missed. He’s been solid overall pretty much at the level of the guy he replaced (Blake Cashman). In the 10 regular season games he’s played Al-Shaair has been on the field for 85 percent of the Texans’ defensive snaps. His suspension does happen to coincide with the Texans’ toughest three game stretch of the season. He’ll sit out matchups with the Dolphins, Chiefs, and Ravens. The Dolphins will be here in desperation mode trying to keep playoff hopes alive, but when Tua Tagavailoa is healthy at quarterback, Miami is a better team than its 5-7 record indicates. The Chiefs are the Chiefs. The Ravens will have Lamar Jackson and Derrick Henry ready to roll at NRG Stadium Christmas day.

Fortunately for the Texans they can lose all three of those games and still win the AFC South, but it could get dicey. To borrow from baseball, the Texans’ magic number is two. Any combination of Texan wins and Colt losses that reaches two wraps it up. The Colts also have their open week this week. Next week they play at Denver in a probable loss. Couple that with a Texans win over the Dolphins, and division title clinched. However, should the Texans go 0-3 in Al-Shaair's absence to fall to 8-8...

After Denver, the Colts’ final three games are versus the worse, worser, and worsest Titans, Giants, and Jaguars. If Indy upsets the Broncos, winning out becomes quite viable. That would mean a 10-7 final record, forcing the Texans to win two of their remaining four games. A loss at Denver and three wins closing the Colts at 9-8 would mean the Texans need one victory. The Texans’ regular season finale is at...Tennessee.

Food for thought

Two-time former Texan Kareem Jackson last season got separate two and four-game suspensions for his repeated illegal and/or dirty hits. The 36-years-old Jackson is still hanging on to his career. He's been on the Buffalo Bills’ practice squad this season.

For Texans’ conversation, catch Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and me on our Texans On Tap podcasts. Thursdays feature a preview of the upcoming game, and then we go live (then available on demand) after the final gun of the game: Texans on Tap - YouTube

The Astros are always in season for discussion. Our Stone Cold ‘Stros podcasts drop Mondays: Click here to watch!

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