FUZZY GEOGRAPHY

Clueless media once again shows their ass about Texas sports

Mar 22, 2021, 3:17 pm

Photo by Ken Hoffman

CBS, the "Tiffany Network," spent hundreds of millions of dollars to broadcast this year's March Madness games.

And then they hired Timmy in the third grade to draw their graphics for the big event. And it looks like Timmy is getting an "F" in geography.

Recently, I was watching one of the first-round games — I forget which one, I was all day in front of the TV — when the announcers started talking about Texas having seven teams in the tournament. Seven teams ties the all-time record for most teams from one state with California in 2002, and Texas in 2010 and 2018.

The Texas qualifiers this year are: University of Texas, in Austin; University of Houston and Texas Southern University, in Houston; Baylor University, in Waco; Texas Tech University, in Lubbock; Abilene Christian University, in Abilene; and North Texas University, in Denton.

Under the banner of "Lone Star State Success – NCAA Tournament Teams from Texas This Season," CBS showed a map where all the colleges are located in Texas.

Whoa? Even in my basketball bleary state, that map ain't close.

Literally ain't close. CBS had Austin practically on the Texas-Oklahoma border, Baylor south of UT, and UH and Texas Southern some distance apart (they're practically next-door neighbors.)

Politicians are always proposing school redistricting, but this is crazy.

If there's one college, you don't want to misplace, it's the University of Texas. Fun fact: every year UT tops the Forbes list for selling the most "merch," and no other school comes close. Let Notre Dame, Alabama, Tennessee, and others fight it out for No. 2. Don't mess with Texas, as in UT, indeed.

I contacted CBS to ask what gives with that map — you guys have UT hundreds of miles north of Austin – but they didn't respond. (Maybe CBS was busy finding a geography tutor for Timmy.)

Twitter is like the goalie who wins the Vezina Trophy in the National Hockey League: nothing gets past Twitter. I freeze-framed CBS' map of Texas' seven colleges in March Madness and posted it.

Thousands of Twitter users responded. Many simply posted one word: Yikes! Doh! Sheesh! Embarrassing! Lazy!

But, being how this is Texas, where everybody's a comedian, Twitter let fly:

"The University of Texas at Plano."
"Never knew the Longhorns are now located in Arlington!"
"UT-McKinney."
"The best thing about the new map, the drive from Dallas to Austin is now only 23 minutes."
"I guess UT's weekend MBA extension site really kicked their athletic program into high gear this year."
"How did Houston wind up near Beaumont and Baylor is now located in Waxahachie?"
"As both a map guy and a Texas guy, this here really burns my bacon."
"Yep, that online learning is paying off. #Geographymatters."
"They threw some darts and hoped they weren't too far off."
"I've seen better attempts at pin the tail on the donkey."
"How do you get semi-close with Abilene Christian and North Texas, but miss the Texas state capital city?"
"Who did this map? Five to 10 minutes of research is all it would have taken."

Maybe the smartest comment, opening up old wounds that need to be opened: "I think they mean seven men's teams. Once again the women's teams are erased."

Jimmy and J.J.: a perfect concert match
Usually Jimmy Buffett is hitting the road this time of year, but if COVID is keeping him grounded, he'll bring some of his greatest hits concerts to fans online. Buffett is calling this his "Nothin' But Time Virtual Tour 2021," rewinding concerts from yesteryear on Saturday nights at 7pm. You can watch on Margaritaville.tv or listen on Radio Margaritaville on Sirius/XM.

To learn more about Jimmy's concert schedule and how JJ Watt ties into this, continue on CultureMap.

Listen Live

THE PALLILOG

How Texans most important deadline could make or break GM

Dameon Pierce bought Nick Caserio some time. Composite image by Brandon Strange.

As the Astros get ready to make a run at back-to-back World Series championships and the Houston Cougars strive to play their way to a Final Four in Houston, the Houston Texans near term ambitions are much lower. The Texans merely hope to end their status as a three years running dumpster fire of nearly relentless ineptitude. As a follow-up to the energy jolt of the hire of DeMeco Ryans as head coach, the first days of the new NFL year resulted in a word rarely useable since Nick Caserio became general manager: progress!

Specifically, acquiring solid guard Shaq Mason from the cap-strapped Buccaneers for basically nothing was excellent, the addition of defensive tackle Sheldon Rankins should be a legitimate upgrade for the Texans’ d-line that was regularly trampled last season, and a deal with defensive back Jimmie Ward should add veteran savvy to the secondary provided he isn’t poised to tumble over the hill at 32 years old. Ed Reed anyone? Reed was 35. Big difference. Or better be.

The Texans organizationally weren’t really trying to win the last two years but, Caserio didn’t do much to impress in pouring some foundation for the next era of winning Texans football. Year one he was hamstrung by not having a first or second round pick, but his first selection (third round pick) was the failed flyer on quarterback Davis Mills. That leaves wide receiver Nico Collins as the biggest hope of the Texans’ Class of ’21. Collins shows promise of number two wideout upside, but has had health issues each of his first two seasons. It is fine to judge a rookie class on its rookie production, it is foolish to pass final judgment on that class for at least another year or two.

Caserio’s most important 2022 draftees collectively underwhelmed. Third overall pick Cornerback Derek Stingley Jr. played okay, before having injury problems as he did in his final two seasons at LSU. The Jets grabbed corner Sauce Gardner with the selection immediately after the Texans took Stingley. Gardner played every game and was spectacular in becoming the first rookie CB named first team All-Pro since Ronnie Lott 41 years earlier. Caserio’s second first round pick, guard Kenyon Green out of A&M, struggled frequently. A whole bunch of rookies taken after Green were better in their first seasons, including guard Zion Johnson who went to the Chargers two spots after Caserio picked Green. Again, no final verdicts, but anyone wanting to gush over Caserio tabbing running Dameon Pierce in the fourth round needs to acknowledge his top two picks weren’t all that.

Fortunately, one of the many rookies better than Green was Texans’ first second round pick Jalen Pitre. On both the human level and football level hopefully their second second rounder last year, wide receiver John Metchie, shows well after having his rookie season delayed so he could conquer leukemia.

Big picture

Ultimately, nothing the Texans do with their roster amounts to much until they next have quality quarterback play. Hence, the defining move of Caserio’s tenure is the QB the Texans take number two overall in the upcoming draft. It’s basically 50-50 that the Texans will be full of crap when they say “we got our guy” at number two. Moronically winning the season finale against the Colts cost the Texans the first pick, which the Panthers now have via trade with the Bears. Whichever QB left for the Texans between C.J. Stroud and Bryce Young could turn out to be the better player. Maybe they’re both great, maybe they’re both busts. There is no disputing that the only way to definitely get your preferred dart at the board was by picking first instead of second, and the Texans blew that control.

The Texans are in the obviously weakest division in the AFC. Right now the Jaguars look to be the team of the present and future, but far from a juggernaut. The Titans are coming off a collapse and like the Colts are very unsettled at quarterback. Well, unless the Colts pull off a huge signing of Lamar Jackson. Last place to first place year-to-year division flips are not extreme rarities in the NFL. The Jaguars did it last year, the Bengals the year before. There is no reason to expect that from the Texans in 2023 but in their division it wouldn’t be a complete miracle if they nail the QB selection. If the Texans’ Caserio-Ryans one-two punch isn’t at minimum legitimately competing to win the division in 2024, then four seasons into his tenure, Caserio will be failing at roster building.

Astros baseball is right around the corner!

Stone Cold ‘Stros is the weekly Astro-centric podcast I am part of alongside Brandon Strange and Josh Jordan. On our regular schedule it airs live at 3PM Monday on the SportsMapHouston YouTube channel, is available there for playback at any point, and also becomes available in podcast form at outlets galore. Such as:

houston texans nfl texans