Every-Thing Sports

Comparing Houston sports teams and players to everyday items

Comparing Houston sports teams and players to everyday items
Yes, there is a Texans crock pot. Jermaine Every/SportsMap

I got off work Monday and Mad Dog texted me to pick up some eggs because she wants to make cornbread since the wife was making loaded baked potato soup for dinner. She’s pretty good at making cornbread for a 12 year old. As I walked into the grocery store, I saw the picture you see above. Yes. Someone actually thought about putting a Texans logo on a crock pot. If I remember correctly, it was priced at about $49.99.

We often see players, teams, and leagues peddle different items with their faces and/or logos on them. But this one got me to thinking: what everyday items do some of the local players and teams compare to? When my mind wanders, it can go in some pretty strange places. Let’s take a look where it wandered pondering this question:

James Harden is…an electric car

The electric car, and its close relative the hybrid, are the new wave in the auto industry. Sure they have been around for years, but they have recently become cool thanks to better looking designs (such as Teslas), as well as their environmentally friendliness. However, electric cars can only go about 200 miles or so before you have to stop for an hour or more to recharge them. Sound familiar? See every Rocket playoff run since 2012.

The Astros are…Netflix

Netflix has been around since 1997 and launched on April 14, 1998 as the world’s first online DVD rental company. It moved to a subscription-based operation the following year and has constantly evolved. Over the last few years, its popularity has grown immensely as it has offered new, fresh, exclusive content. The Astros have enjoyed a similar arch. They took their time to build a machine that appears to be built for the long haul.

The Dynamo are…after-market phone charger cords

I’m not talking about the cool ones that you get online. I’m talking about the ones you see at the gas station or drug store counters. They are reliable, sturdy, offer a new twist, but are underappreciated. The Dynamo won the MLS Cup in their first two seasons and have been a steady competitor ever since. The atmosphere at a Dynamo game can be felt all over EaDo. Why this comparison? My gas station charge cord is longer and more durable than the one that came with the phone, yet the factory version costs three times as much to replace. Go figure.

The Texans are…knock off purses

At first glance, one might not know the difference. They have the same logo, same size, they may even weigh the same. However, upon further review, the stitching is a different color, the leather is actually “pleather”, and the metal emblem is spray-painted stainless steel. It only takes a keen eye to be able to tell the difference between the real deal and a knock off. Most Texans fans don’t realize this team was bought online from China because they get fooled every year into thinking this team has a legit shot. Here’s how you spot the difference.

The Rockets are…cubic zirconia

Once again, another fake luxury item most people can commonly get confused. There have been a high number of people fooled by thinking they have high quality jewelry, when in fact they don’t. The Rockets year after year make it to the playoffs, but can never close the deal. It’s almost as if a guy proposes to a girl with a cheap ring prompting her to say yes, only for the relationship to soon crumble when she realizes she’s been had by phony jewelry.

JJ Watt is…pumpkin spice (fill in the blank)

The whole pumpkin spice flavor craze hit its peak a few years ago. When it first hit, people went crazy for it! It was a new twist on something we’ve had before. Next thing you know, it was infiltrating everything. Now, it’s just about run its course and is starting to get annoying. Hopefully it takes a break and comes back strong.

Jose Altuve is…the old school metal can opener

It’s small, reliable, and often taken for granted. Then comes that special time of year when you’re cooking all sorts of food and your fancy electric can opener can’t quite get the job done. You can always rely on the old school metal can opener. Altuve is a throwback hitter that hits for average and makes contact on everything, just like that can opener that can open any can.

I know some of you won’t agree with what I’ve written, and I don’t care because you clicked on the link and have read this far. Those of you that do agree I love y’all. And for everyone in between, pick a damn side, but by all means keep reading my stuff either way you feel.

 

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Welcome back, Justin! Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images.

Houston Astros ace Justin Verlander will make his season debut Friday night at the Washington Nationals.

Houston manager Joe Espada made the announcement Wednesday.

“Getting him back is huge because it brings a level of confidence to our team, a boost of confidence that we’re going to get someone who’s been an MVP, a Cy Young (winner) on the mound,” Espada said. “It's (good) for the morale and to get stuff started and moving in the right direction.”

The three-time Cy Young Award winner opened the season on the injured list with inflammation in his right shoulder. He made two rehabilitation starts, the first for Triple-A Sugar Land on April 7 before Saturday’s start for Double-A Corpus Christi.

Espada wouldn't say how many pitches the 41-year-old would be limited to but said they'll keep an eye on his workload.

“We've got to be careful how hard we push him early,” Espada said. “I know he’s going to want to go and stay out there and give us an opportunity to win, but we've got to be cautious of how hard we push him early in the season.”

Verlander wasn’t thrilled with the results in his rehabilitation starts, but he said Monday that those games were valuable in getting him prepared to come off the IL.

He allowed seven hits and six runs — five earned — in four innings against Frisco on Saturday. He struck out three, walked one and threw 51 of 77 pitches for strikes.

Verlander allowed six earned runs and struck out six while pitching into the fourth inning for Sugar Land on April 7.

The Astros have gotten off to a tough start with Verlander and fellow starters Framber Valdez and José Urquidy on the injured list. They enter Wednesday's games last in the AL West with a 6-13 record.

Espada hopes Verlander can be the boost the team needs to get on track.

“It’s good to get him back in the rotation,” Espada said. “With what he means to this club just to get him back on track, getting some innings from him (to) build our rotation with the pieces that we need to move forward is exciting.”

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