Every-Thing Sports

Comparing Houston sports teams and players to everyday items

Yes, there is a Texans crock pot. Jermaine Every/SportsMap

I got off work Monday and Mad Dog texted me to pick up some eggs because she wants to make cornbread since the wife was making loaded baked potato soup for dinner. She’s pretty good at making cornbread for a 12 year old. As I walked into the grocery store, I saw the picture you see above. Yes. Someone actually thought about putting a Texans logo on a crock pot. If I remember correctly, it was priced at about $49.99.

We often see players, teams, and leagues peddle different items with their faces and/or logos on them. But this one got me to thinking: what everyday items do some of the local players and teams compare to? When my mind wanders, it can go in some pretty strange places. Let’s take a look where it wandered pondering this question:

James Harden is…an electric car

The electric car, and its close relative the hybrid, are the new wave in the auto industry. Sure they have been around for years, but they have recently become cool thanks to better looking designs (such as Teslas), as well as their environmentally friendliness. However, electric cars can only go about 200 miles or so before you have to stop for an hour or more to recharge them. Sound familiar? See every Rocket playoff run since 2012.

The Astros are…Netflix

Netflix has been around since 1997 and launched on April 14, 1998 as the world’s first online DVD rental company. It moved to a subscription-based operation the following year and has constantly evolved. Over the last few years, its popularity has grown immensely as it has offered new, fresh, exclusive content. The Astros have enjoyed a similar arch. They took their time to build a machine that appears to be built for the long haul.

The Dynamo are…after-market phone charger cords

I’m not talking about the cool ones that you get online. I’m talking about the ones you see at the gas station or drug store counters. They are reliable, sturdy, offer a new twist, but are underappreciated. The Dynamo won the MLS Cup in their first two seasons and have been a steady competitor ever since. The atmosphere at a Dynamo game can be felt all over EaDo. Why this comparison? My gas station charge cord is longer and more durable than the one that came with the phone, yet the factory version costs three times as much to replace. Go figure.

The Texans are…knock off purses

At first glance, one might not know the difference. They have the same logo, same size, they may even weigh the same. However, upon further review, the stitching is a different color, the leather is actually “pleather”, and the metal emblem is spray-painted stainless steel. It only takes a keen eye to be able to tell the difference between the real deal and a knock off. Most Texans fans don’t realize this team was bought online from China because they get fooled every year into thinking this team has a legit shot. Here’s how you spot the difference.

The Rockets are…cubic zirconia

Once again, another fake luxury item most people can commonly get confused. There have been a high number of people fooled by thinking they have high quality jewelry, when in fact they don’t. The Rockets year after year make it to the playoffs, but can never close the deal. It’s almost as if a guy proposes to a girl with a cheap ring prompting her to say yes, only for the relationship to soon crumble when she realizes she’s been had by phony jewelry.

JJ Watt is…pumpkin spice (fill in the blank)

The whole pumpkin spice flavor craze hit its peak a few years ago. When it first hit, people went crazy for it! It was a new twist on something we’ve had before. Next thing you know, it was infiltrating everything. Now, it’s just about run its course and is starting to get annoying. Hopefully it takes a break and comes back strong.

Jose Altuve is…the old school metal can opener

It’s small, reliable, and often taken for granted. Then comes that special time of year when you’re cooking all sorts of food and your fancy electric can opener can’t quite get the job done. You can always rely on the old school metal can opener. Altuve is a throwback hitter that hits for average and makes contact on everything, just like that can opener that can open any can.

I know some of you won’t agree with what I’ve written, and I don’t care because you clicked on the link and have read this far. Those of you that do agree I love y’all. And for everyone in between, pick a damn side, but by all means keep reading my stuff either way you feel.

 

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Boston's two grand slams in the first two innings were too much for Houston to overcome in ALCS Game 2. Photo by Elsa/Getty Images

After a win in ALCS Game 1 that had the prototypical fingerprints of this Astros team all over it, Houston returned to Minute Maid Park on Saturday, hoping to take a dominant 2-0 series lead if they could grab another victory. The Red Sox dashed those hopes very early, though, scoring eight runs across the first two innings to build the lead they would hold on to even the series.

Final Score: Boston 9, Astros 5

ALCS Series (Best of Seven): tied 1-1

Winning Pitcher: Nathan Eovaldi

Losing Pitcher: Luis Garcia

Houston met with disaster to start Game 2

You couldn't have drawn up a much better start for the Red Sox or a worse one for the Astros in Saturday's ALCS Game 2. Luis Garcia met early disaster in the top of the first inning, allowing a leadoff double, then got two outs while issuing two walks to load the bases. That brought up Boston's designated hitter, J.D. Martinez, to the plate, and he delivered a crushing blow to Houston, launching a grand slam to put the Red Sox up 4-0 before Houston could even get to the plate.

After a scoreless bottom of the inning by his offense, things got worse for Garcia in the top of the second, as after issuing a four-pitch walk to start the frame, he would become the center of a meeting at the mound with trainers, ultimately leaving the game with an injury. Houston opted to bring in Jake Odorizzi for the emergency call to the bullpen, but things did not start well for him either. He would put two of his own batters on base with two singles, then gave up the second grand slam in as many innings, this one to Rafael Devers to double Boston's lead to 8-0, doubling down on Houston's disastrous start to the game.

Odorizzi rebounded with a 1-2-3 third, but with one out in the top of the fourth allowed a solo homer to Kiké Hernández, his third homer of the series so far. He would still get the job done of eating up a few innings, finishing the fourth, and retiring Boston in order in the fifth, giving Houston just four more innings to cover with the rest of their relievers.

Astros get a few runs back

Over that span, Houston did trim the lead by three runs, getting an RBI double by Kyle Tucker and a two-RBI single by Yuli Gurriel in the bottom of the fourth, making it a six-run game at 9-3. Their next reliever was Blake Taylor in the top of the sixth, and he would keep the score where it stood by sitting down the three batters he faced that frame.

The Astros threatened again in the bottom of the sixth, getting two singles to put two aboard, but would come out empty, sending the game on to the seventh, where Taylor would remain on the mound. He faced three more batters, getting two out while allowing a single before Yimi Garcia would come in to get the third out.

Red Sox even the series as it shifts to Boston

Garcia returned in the top of the eighth, getting through that inning despite a walk and hit by pitch, stranding both runners. Boston's bullpen kept Houston from getting any closer in the bottom of the eighth, then Ryne Stanek came in for the Astros in the top of the ninth. Stanek allowed a leadoff double, but with a groundout and double play, held the score at 9-3. Yuli Gurriel and Jason Castro did their part to keep the Astros alive in the bottom of the ninth, each hitting solo homers to make it 9-5, but that's as close as they'd come, dropping Game 2 to tie the series at one game apiece.

Up Next: The ALCS now moves to Boston for the next three games after a day off on Sunday, with Game 3 on Monday at 7:08 PM Central. While the Astros have named Jose Urquidy as their starter, the Red Sox have not yet determined theirs.

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