4th and a Mile with Paul Muth
Divisional Round headaches, and World Power Rankings of the Week
Jan 9, 2020, 6:43 am
Houston's luck has routinely sputtered in the divisional round.
So the Houston Texans made it to the second round of the playoffs again. Pretty exciting stuff, as long as you don't factor any history into it.
If you're like me, you can't help but peer ahead to the weekend ahead without at least one eyebrow raised in anxiety.
Vegas be damned, I'm not even talking about the odds. A team with a QB like Deshaun Watson always has a chance, even when they don't. My concern lies beyond the football field.
The week before New Years I found myself thinking back to where I had spent every New Years Eve for the past decade. It started out fascinating, with locations all over the country and world, but has since been reduced to house parties and ball drops at bars. It's not where but with whom though, right?
So when Deshaun Watson did his best Nightcrawler impression in overtime to set up a first round-advancing field goal, I found myself repeating the same exercise.
Where was I during the Texans' previous divisional games?
JANUARY 14TH, 2017, Texans versus Patriots. WEST ALABAMA ICEHOUSE
I remember filling about three picnic tables up with friends, and my belly full of some of the best tacos in Houston as we all watched Tom Brady dismantle the great Brock Osweiler in a 34-16 slaughter at one of the most iconic watering holes in Houston. As the Patriots rubbed the Texans' face in the dirt, that one friend we all have that runs about a 50/50 shot of ruining the night when they show up...showed up. He arrived in a suit to the ICE HOUSE, asked why there was no liquor at the ICE HOUSE, and threw a tantrum when his sister decided not to go out on the town with him later that night. So I got to watch that unfold, and my distraction was Osweiler throwing a football. Neat.
JANUARY 13TH, 2013, Texans versus Patriots. CABO JOE'S, EL PASO
Memories of my dark days in El Paso have been mostly repressed, and luckily this 41-28 atrocity of a game was one of those same moments. I don't remember too much from New England's first playoff opportunity they had to remind us that we didn't belong at the adult table, but I did some digging and found some Facebook commentary from a much more invested, youthful Paul that I suppose summed it up:
Before the game: "Texans vs. Patriots today. Translation: if a meteor were scheduled to hit El Paso today, I wouldn't use the fallout shelter if it wasn't showing the game." How committed!
After the game: "Love my Texans. Always will. But [EXPLETIVE] you for quitting today. That last drive showed zero heart." How passionate!
January 15, 2012. Texans versus Ravens. ANGELFIRE SKI RESORT
Now this...this was the one that got this entire thought project rolling.
It was 2012 and even younger Paul was in love. Or something. In a genius move, the young soldier left Fort Bliss without a mileage pass authorization to go skiing during the four-day weekend with the supposed lady of his dreams. So they drove to Ruidoso, New Mexico to ski. And then they grew bold, and drove to Santa Fe to ski. And then they thought, "We're basically at Taos, let's go to Angelfire!"
So for no sane or logical reason whatsoever, we traveled to Angelfire Ski Resort--roughly 200 miles beyond the 250 mile limit soldiers were allowed to travel on a four-day weekend without command approval--and skied most of the day. About midway through the day I thoroughly abandoned lady of my dreams on the slopes while she continued skiing in my Mario Williams jersey. The Texans were about to kick off their first divisional round playoff game, and I was going to be there to watch it...even if it was from a bar in a lodge in northern New Mexico.
Baby J.J. Watt did his best that game, racking up 12 tackles and 2.5 sacks, but backup QB T.J. Yates was unable to hold up his end of the bargain. The Texans would lose, and I would go back to coming up with even more dumb ideas:
"What if we went all the way to Colorado?!"
We did, and then we got snowed in. We showed up a day late as a result and the United States Military offered little in the way of mercy. Have you ever swept sand off of sidewalks in the desert for 45-days straight? Asking for a friend.
World Power Rankings of the Week
#5 Dudes writing Tom Brady G.O.A.T. Posts
I'm talking about the ones where they directly address TB12 in posts as if they're directly texting him a pep talk after the loss. He needed that pick-me-up bros, way to go.
#4 Doomsday Preppers
Everyone thought you were crazy, but with what I'm sure you and Reddit both believe is the impending World War 3, the "Told ya so!" deck is truly stacked in your favor this week. So go double check the expiration date on the Vienna Sausages in your panic room, and when you get back, come get one of these crisp high fives I have waiting for you.
#3 The 2018 Boston Red Sox
Reports are coming out that apparently they allegedly cheated, and that gets you on the board since it takes at least some of the heat off of the Astros for a moment.
#2 A full week of Ed Orgeron Sound Bites
This man is a national treasure and needs to be protected accordingly.
#1 Exhibitionism for a cause
Australia is currently experiencing a once-in-a-generation bushfire that has devastated nearly 15 million acres. The tragedy has sparked a worldwide response in the form of volunteering and donations. Now while many celebrities have used their influence to garner awareness for the cause, a young woman in California named Kaylen Ward took a different route.
Ward's deal is simple: ""Every $10 you donate = one nude picture from me to your DM. You must send me confirmation that you donated"
The tweet has been shared over 88,000 times and according to Rolling Stone has raised nearly $500,000 in two days.
Genius.
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Through 20 games, the Houston Astros have managed just six wins and are in last place in the AL West.
Their pitching staff trails only Colorado with a 5.24 ERA and big-money new closer Josh Hader has given up the same number of earned runs in 10 games as he did in 61 last year.
Despite this, these veteran Astros, who have reached the AL Championship Series seven consecutive times, have no doubt they’ll turn things around.
“If there’s a team that can do it, it’s this team,” shortstop Jeremy Peña said.
First-year manager Joe Espada, who was hired in January to replace the retired Dusty Baker, discussed his team’s early struggles.
“It’s not ideal,” he said. “It’s not what we expected, to come out of the shoot playing this type of baseball. But you know what, this is where we’re at and we’ve got to pick it up and play better. That’s just the bottom line.”
Many of Houston’s problems have stemmed from a poor performance by a rotation that has been decimated by injuries. Ace Justin Verlander and fellow starter José Urquidy haven’t pitched this season because of injuries and lefty Framber Valdez made just two starts before landing on the injured list with a sore elbow.
Ronel Blanco, who threw a no-hitter in his season debut April 1, has pitched well and is 2-0 with a 0.86 ERA in three starts this season. Cristian Javier is also off to a good start, going 2-0 with a 1.54 ERA in four starts, but the team has won just two games not started by those two pitchers.
However, Espada wouldn’t blame the rotation for Houston’s current position.
“It’s been a little bit of a roller coaster how we've played overall,” he said. “One day we get good starting pitching, some days we don’t. The middle relief has been better and sometimes it hasn’t been. So, we’ve just got to put it all together and then play more as a team. And once we start doing that, we’ll be in good shape.”
The good news for the Astros is that Verlander will make his season debut Friday night when they open a series at Washington and Valdez should return soon after him.
“Framber and Justin have been a great part of our success in the last few years,” second baseman Jose Altuve said. “So, it’s always good to have those two guys back helping the team. We trust them and I think it’s going to be good.”
Hader signed a five-year, $95 million contract this offseason to give the Astros a shutdown 7-8-9 combination at the back end of their bullpen with Bryan Abreu and Ryan Pressly. But the five-time All-Star is off to a bumpy start.
He allowed four runs in the ninth inning of a 6-1 loss to the Braves on Monday night and has yielded eight earned runs this season after giving up the same number in 56 1/3 innings for San Diego last year.
He was much better Wednesday when he struck out the side in the ninth before the Astros fell to Atlanta in 10 innings for their third straight loss.
Houston’s offense, led by Altuve, Yordan Alvarez and Kyle Tucker, ranks third in the majors with a .268 batting average and is tied for third with 24 homers this season. But the Astros have struggled with runners in scoring position and often failed to get a big hit in close games.
While many of Houston’s hitters have thrived this season, one notable exception is first baseman José Abreu. The 37-year-old, who is in the second year of a three-year, $58.5 million contract, is hitting 0.78 with just one extra-base hit in 16 games, raising questions about why he remains in the lineup every day.
To make matters worse, his error on a routine ground ball in the eighth inning Wednesday helped the Braves tie the game before they won in extra innings.
Espada brushed off criticism of Abreu and said he knows the 2020 AL MVP can break out of his early slump.
“Because (of) history,” Espada said. “The back of his baseball card. He can do it.”
Though things haven’t gone well for the Astros so far, everyone insists there’s no panic in this team which won its second World Series in 2022.
Altuve added that he doesn’t have to say anything to his teammates during this tough time.
“I think they’ve played enough baseball to know how to control themselves and how to come back to the plan we have, which is winning games,” he said.
The clubhouse was quiet and somber Wednesday after the Astros suffered their third series sweep of the season and second at home. While not panicking about the slow start, this team, which has won at least 90 games in each of the last three seasons, is certainly not happy with its record.
“We need to do everything better,” third baseman Alex Bregman said. “I feel like we’re in a lot of games, but we just haven’t found a way to win them. And good teams find a way to win games. So we need to find a way to win games.”