(It's Hipster Power Rankings)
Gallant's "Do You Matter" NFL Rankings
Sep 9, 2019, 5:45 am
The phrase "Power Rankings" annoys me. "WOW". "PIZAZZ". "FIRE".
As such, I am giving my rip off of NFL Power Rankings the name: "Do You Matter?" Rankings. So much edgier. Can it sell T-shirts? Maybe.
Could Go Undefeated
1. New England Patriots (1-0)
Let's be honest. After their dismantling of the Steelers last Sunday, the Patriots looked unbeatable.
It's week 1, and every team has some sort thermal exhaust port just waiting for an X-Wing to blow it all up (Antonio Brown drama could very well be it). But I'm at a loss for what it is with New England. Their defense looks like it has the potential to be something that I haven't seen from them since the 2000s. They have TOO MANY weapons - (they even traded Demaryius Thomas to free up roster space) for Tom Brady. And an offensive line with questions certainly impressed against a pretty good Pittsburgh pass rush.
The only question you can attempt after a 33-3 blowout: were some strange looking Brady throws early a sign of rust? Or slippage?
The Cool Kids Table
2. Dallas Cowboys (1-0)
3. Kansas City Chiefs (1-0)
4. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0)
5. Los Angeles Rams (1-0)
Dak Prescott had a strong finish to last season. But he played INCREDIBLY on Sunday, and more importantly, he did it in a game where Ezekiel Elliott struggled. Even if the Giants end up being pushovers this season, there are few teams that can handle the Cowboys' receiver trio of Amari Cooper, Randall Cobb, and Michael Gallup.
The other three teams look like they're wearing sweatpants. Kansas City will be without Tyreek Hill for a while, and saw Patrick Mahomes limping around at the end of Sunday's game with an ankle injury. The Eagles defense was smacked around by Case Keenum before Philly's offense showed up. And with the suspicion around Todd Gurley's knee, will Jared Goff continue to sporadically have shaky outings like his against Carolina?
Peed Themselves
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1)
The Steelers flew under the radar this offseason after parting ways with Le'Veon Bell and Antonio Brown. They might have a locker room in better spirits. But on Sunday, they looked less explosive on offense. Shouldn't that be expected after losing those two?
Blame a week of distractions after Antonio Brown signed with the Patriots. Blame the defensive coaching staff. Blame Tom Brady being older than Myles Davis yet STILL really good. But whatever you decide, Mike Tomlin consistently hasn't been able to beat New England when it matters. Is Pittsburgh O.K. settling with that? I wouldn't be.
Praying For A Cool Kid To Get Canceled
I may get all my knowledge of post-millennials from Thirteen Reasons Why. But kids too face the issue that everyone from politicians to actors to comedians face: getting canceled (like Marcus in season 2). So for these kids to yeet amongst the cööl, they'll need something like that to happen to the teams above to move up my relevance ratings.
7. New Orleans Saints (1-0)
I'm concerned about Drew Brees' ability to play at a high level for 16 games plus based off the end of last year.
8. Los Angeles Chargers (1-0)
They always have talent. But they always feel likely to disappoint.
9. Baltimore Ravens (1-0)
Baltimore might have been the most impressive team in week 1. Lamar Jackson looked like a video game. And new additions Mark Ingram, Marquise Brown, and Earl Thomas ALL made contributions.
BUT, they played Miami.
10. Seattle Seahawks (1-0)
Seattle's pass rush - with Jadeveon Clowney BUT no Ziggy Ansah aboard - looked pretty good. But the offense looked very sluggish in a post Doug Baldwin world. And it's a strange sight to see the likes of Andy Dalton and John Ross - who were playing without injured teammates A.J. Green and Joe Mixon - dominate a secondary the way they did Seattle's.
11. Minnesota Vikings (1-0)
The Vikings didn't need a big day from Kirk Cousins to take down a middle of the road team. But they likely will to take down a real predator.
12. Green Bay Packers (1-0)
I'm not going to lie. I had the Packers FAR lower than this before week 1. I don't see Aaron Rodgers and Matt Lafleur being able to click. And no matter where this goes, they sure as hell didn't click week 1. If not for Green Bay's defensive performance, they'd be in the 20s.
There's just one thing...
13. Houston Texans (0-1)
14. Tennessee Titans (1-0)
15. Chicago Bears (0-1)
16. Buffalo Bills (1-0)
17. Indianapolis Colts (0-1)
All of these teams have something that I like...
- The Texans have Deshaun Watson, who looked top 5 Monday
- The Titans are consistently average to good across their entire roster
- The Bears defense is absolutely terrifying
- The Bills aren't far behind
- A Colts are a well coached, complete team.
- Deshaun Watson looks he'll get crushed behind his line.
- Marcus Mariota can't beat teams with his arm, or stay healthy
- Mitchell Trubisky seems to be trying too hard to put the past behind him
- Josh Allen struggles with accuracy
- Jacoby Brissett is not Andrew Luck
Walk Of Shame
18. Cleveland Browns (0-1)
All that hype, and they were blown out at home by a team with Marcus Mariota under center.
There.
19. Carolina Panthers (0-2)
20. Washington Redskins (0-1)
21. Cincinnati Bengals (0-1)
22. San Francisco 49ers (1-0)
23. Atlanta Falcons (0-1)
The only noteworthy thing concerning these teams? The Panthers are stuck in this group.
Florida Men
24. Oakland Raiders (1-0)
25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1)
I'm very much confused by all of these teams, as we all are by Florida men, thus the label.
Old Yeller
27. New York Giants (0-1)
28. Denver Broncos (1-0)
I don't want to watch Eli Manning or Joe Flacco anymore.
The Bye Weeks
29. New York Jets (0-1)
Sam Darnold having mono is sooo painfully Jets.
30. Detroit Lions (0-1)
30. Arizona Cardinals (0-1)
Ties are a bi-product of the NFL's bizarre 10 minute overtime rule, which totally disrupts the flow of the game.
32. Miami Dolphins (0-1)
The 2019 Miami team motto - "TNT" for "Takes No Talent" - is amusing.
Paul Gallant hosts the "Gallant Says" podcast (Tuesdays & Fridays), "Just Sayin'", Friday nights at 10:30 on Kube 57, and contributes to SB Nation Radio. Have any questions? Get after him on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.
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It should come as no surprise that after a slow start to the season, fans and media are starting to voice concerns about the organization's leadership and direction. The latest evidence of this involved Astros adviser Reggie Jackson and the comments he made on Jon Heyman's podcast, The Show.
Jackson discussed the Astros reported interest in starting pitcher Blake Snell. He said that ultimately, Snell was looking for a deal the Astros weren't comfortable with in terms of money and structure of the contract.
Which is interesting considering the Astros were okay with paying 5-years, $95 million for closer Josh Hader, but not willing to pay Snell 2-years, $62 million. We believe the opt-outs in Snell's contract were a dealbreaker for Houston. And of course the money played a role.
However, the Astros passing on Snell is not the intriguing part of the story. It was Jackson talking about the club's power structure in the front office and how they go about making decisions.
“Being fiscally responsible is what kicked us out of the Snell deal… That's too much for him… Between the 4 or 5 people who make decisions with the Astros, we don't play that game,” said Jackson.
Based on Jackson's comments in the interview, the decision makers are Jim Crane, Dana Brown, Jeff Bagwell, Craig Biggio, and Reggie. But not necessarily in that order. He also mentioned that they had conversations with manager Joe Espada and his staff, plus some input from the analytics department.
These comments add to the concerns we've had about the front office since Crane moved on from GM James Click and operated without a general manager for several months. Which led to the disastrous signing of Jose Abreu and to a lesser extent Rafael Montero.
Which begs the question, are the Astros in a better spot now with their front office? Many blame Dana Brown for the state of the starting rotation. While there were some red flags this spring, anticipating injuries to Jose Urquidy, Justin Verlander, and Framber Valdez is asking a lot.
But only bringing in Hader to replace all the innings left behind by Hector Neris, Phil Maton, Kendall Graveman, and Ryne Stanek always felt risky.
Finally, what can the Astros due in the short-term to weather the storm while Framber and JV rehab from injury?
And is Hunter Brown the biggest liability in the rotation?
Be sure to watch the video above for the full in-depth discussion.