(It's Hipster Power Rankings)
Gallant's "Do You Matter" NFL Rankings
Sep 9, 2019, 5:45 am
The phrase "Power Rankings" annoys me. "WOW". "PIZAZZ". "FIRE".
As such, I am giving my rip off of NFL Power Rankings the name: "Do You Matter?" Rankings. So much edgier. Can it sell T-shirts? Maybe.
Could Go Undefeated
1. New England Patriots (1-0)
Let's be honest. After their dismantling of the Steelers last Sunday, the Patriots looked unbeatable.
It's week 1, and every team has some sort thermal exhaust port just waiting for an X-Wing to blow it all up (Antonio Brown drama could very well be it). But I'm at a loss for what it is with New England. Their defense looks like it has the potential to be something that I haven't seen from them since the 2000s. They have TOO MANY weapons - (they even traded Demaryius Thomas to free up roster space) for Tom Brady. And an offensive line with questions certainly impressed against a pretty good Pittsburgh pass rush.
The only question you can attempt after a 33-3 blowout: were some strange looking Brady throws early a sign of rust? Or slippage?
The Cool Kids Table
2. Dallas Cowboys (1-0)
3. Kansas City Chiefs (1-0)
4. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0)
5. Los Angeles Rams (1-0)
Dak Prescott had a strong finish to last season. But he played INCREDIBLY on Sunday, and more importantly, he did it in a game where Ezekiel Elliott struggled. Even if the Giants end up being pushovers this season, there are few teams that can handle the Cowboys' receiver trio of Amari Cooper, Randall Cobb, and Michael Gallup.
The other three teams look like they're wearing sweatpants. Kansas City will be without Tyreek Hill for a while, and saw Patrick Mahomes limping around at the end of Sunday's game with an ankle injury. The Eagles defense was smacked around by Case Keenum before Philly's offense showed up. And with the suspicion around Todd Gurley's knee, will Jared Goff continue to sporadically have shaky outings like his against Carolina?
Peed Themselves
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1)
The Steelers flew under the radar this offseason after parting ways with Le'Veon Bell and Antonio Brown. They might have a locker room in better spirits. But on Sunday, they looked less explosive on offense. Shouldn't that be expected after losing those two?
Blame a week of distractions after Antonio Brown signed with the Patriots. Blame the defensive coaching staff. Blame Tom Brady being older than Myles Davis yet STILL really good. But whatever you decide, Mike Tomlin consistently hasn't been able to beat New England when it matters. Is Pittsburgh O.K. settling with that? I wouldn't be.
Praying For A Cool Kid To Get Canceled
I may get all my knowledge of post-millennials from Thirteen Reasons Why. But kids too face the issue that everyone from politicians to actors to comedians face: getting canceled (like Marcus in season 2). So for these kids to yeet amongst the cööl, they'll need something like that to happen to the teams above to move up my relevance ratings.
7. New Orleans Saints (1-0)
I'm concerned about Drew Brees' ability to play at a high level for 16 games plus based off the end of last year.
8. Los Angeles Chargers (1-0)
They always have talent. But they always feel likely to disappoint.
9. Baltimore Ravens (1-0)
Baltimore might have been the most impressive team in week 1. Lamar Jackson looked like a video game. And new additions Mark Ingram, Marquise Brown, and Earl Thomas ALL made contributions.
BUT, they played Miami.
10. Seattle Seahawks (1-0)
Seattle's pass rush - with Jadeveon Clowney BUT no Ziggy Ansah aboard - looked pretty good. But the offense looked very sluggish in a post Doug Baldwin world. And it's a strange sight to see the likes of Andy Dalton and John Ross - who were playing without injured teammates A.J. Green and Joe Mixon - dominate a secondary the way they did Seattle's.
11. Minnesota Vikings (1-0)
The Vikings didn't need a big day from Kirk Cousins to take down a middle of the road team. But they likely will to take down a real predator.
12. Green Bay Packers (1-0)
I'm not going to lie. I had the Packers FAR lower than this before week 1. I don't see Aaron Rodgers and Matt Lafleur being able to click. And no matter where this goes, they sure as hell didn't click week 1. If not for Green Bay's defensive performance, they'd be in the 20s.
There's just one thing...
13. Houston Texans (0-1)
14. Tennessee Titans (1-0)
15. Chicago Bears (0-1)
16. Buffalo Bills (1-0)
17. Indianapolis Colts (0-1)
All of these teams have something that I like...
- The Texans have Deshaun Watson, who looked top 5 Monday
- The Titans are consistently average to good across their entire roster
- The Bears defense is absolutely terrifying
- The Bills aren't far behind
- A Colts are a well coached, complete team.
- Deshaun Watson looks he'll get crushed behind his line.
- Marcus Mariota can't beat teams with his arm, or stay healthy
- Mitchell Trubisky seems to be trying too hard to put the past behind him
- Josh Allen struggles with accuracy
- Jacoby Brissett is not Andrew Luck
Walk Of Shame
18. Cleveland Browns (0-1)
All that hype, and they were blown out at home by a team with Marcus Mariota under center.
There.
19. Carolina Panthers (0-2)
20. Washington Redskins (0-1)
21. Cincinnati Bengals (0-1)
22. San Francisco 49ers (1-0)
23. Atlanta Falcons (0-1)
The only noteworthy thing concerning these teams? The Panthers are stuck in this group.
Florida Men
24. Oakland Raiders (1-0)
25. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1)
26. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1)
I'm very much confused by all of these teams, as we all are by Florida men, thus the label.
Old Yeller
27. New York Giants (0-1)
28. Denver Broncos (1-0)
I don't want to watch Eli Manning or Joe Flacco anymore.
The Bye Weeks
29. New York Jets (0-1)
Sam Darnold having mono is sooo painfully Jets.
30. Detroit Lions (0-1)
30. Arizona Cardinals (0-1)
Ties are a bi-product of the NFL's bizarre 10 minute overtime rule, which totally disrupts the flow of the game.
32. Miami Dolphins (0-1)
The 2019 Miami team motto - "TNT" for "Takes No Talent" - is amusing.
Paul Gallant hosts the "Gallant Says" podcast (Tuesdays & Fridays), "Just Sayin'", Friday nights at 10:30 on Kube 57, and contributes to SB Nation Radio. Have any questions? Get after him on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.
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Houston rallies to beat Duke and advance to face Florida for NCAA title
Apr 5, 2025, 11:08 pm
A week into the 2025 season, the Houston Astros are already giving fans plenty to talk about—and not all of it is bad. While the offense continues to sputter, particularly at the top of the order, the pitching staff is showing flashes of what could be a defining strength of the team. Let’s break down some early season observations following their latest series opening win against the Minnesota Twins.
Top of the lineup falling flat
The Astros’ biggest issue right now is at the plate. In the series opener against the Twins, the top three hitters in the lineup went a combined 0-for-12 with eight strikeouts. Jose Altuve, usually a stabilizing presence, struck out five times in that game, the first five-strikeout performance of his career. With Kyle Tucker and Alex Bregman gone, there’s even less margin for error when stars like Yordan Alvarez go cold. His early-season slump has only magnified the absence of the team’s former offensive anchors.
Chas McCormick also looks completely out of sync at the plate, continuing a troubling trend from the opening series. Meanwhile, Cam Smith is struggling to stay competitive in at-bats, often falling behind in the count after watching fastballs go by for strikes.
One bright spot: Mauricio Dubón finally picked up his first hit of the season against the Twins, showing signs of life.
Hunter Brown is a dude
On the mound, however, Hunter Brown looks every bit like the breakout arm Houston needs. Despite a couple of mistakes—most notably a hanging breaking ball that Matt Wallner turned into a triple—Brown dominated overall. His two-seam fastball produced soft contact all day, with Twins hitters averaging just 62 mph exit velocity. Broken bats and routine grounders were the theme, and Brown even flashed some defensive flair with a slick bare-handed play to first.
Still, Brown can refine his pitch sequencing. Willi Castro jumped on a first-pitch changeup for a hit—an example of how Brown might be better served by establishing his elite velocity before mixing in off-speed.
Bullpen bright spots and smarter pitching
The bullpen continues to be a strength. Bryan King once again delivered a solid inning in relief, and Bryan Abreu made an important adjustment by leaning on his fastball early in his outing, throwing seven straight to start the inning. He has the velocity to overpower hitters and should continue trusting it.
New blood
Manager Joe Espada also made a smart call by starting Brendan Rodgers in cold conditions. Rodgers, with experience playing in Colorado’s thin air and chilly Aprils, responded with a key hit—albeit a bit of a lucky one, aided by a balk that brought the infield in. Still, his presence in the lineup could bring some much-needed consistency, and he deserves regular at-bats. His power was on display when he hit a clutch double, driving in Victor Caratini and extending Houston's lead against the Twins.
Other notes and areas to improve
- Christian Walker finally launched his first home run of the season after a rough game against the Giants. His struggles have largely come against curveballs, so it’s no surprise he found success against Joe Ryan, a pitcher who doesn’t feature one in his arsenal.
- Base stealing continues to be a glaring weakness defensively for the Astros. Opponents are taking extra bases far too easily—a problem that could become costly in close games if not addressed.
Big picture
Yes, the offense looks rough—and yes, there are real concerns about depth and consistency. But the early returns from the pitching staff, especially from Hunter Brown and the bullpen, offer reason for optimism. If the top of the lineup finds its rhythm and the Astros start cleaning up their defensive execution, this team still has the tools to win the AL West.
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