How did the Texans star do at 30 Rockefeller Center?

Grading J.J. Watt's SNL appearance

Cody Stoots
Feb 3, 2020, 10:57 am
Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images for Sports Illustrated

J.J. Watt hosted SNL on Saturday and he did a good job. We take a look at this performances and the skits themselves get graded overall with Watt's performance weighing heavily on how the final grade for the skit plays out.

The Monologue: A-

A good athlete monologue. A solid monologue. They did put some solid jokes in there making fun of him being an athlete. A nice brothers joke. The freaking Fox robot being his dad was a solid joke. Took some shots at himself for being out of the Super Bowl. Good solid start. NBC played Eli Manning's SNL earlier in the day and Watt easily beat Eli's opener.

Frozen 2: B-

Watt gets dinged for the overall weakness of the skit. Certainly nothing was his fault here. He was funny in his part though as Kristoff. He isn't in there a ton but has a few moments that elicited a chuckle. That wig is great.

Robbie: A

Fantastic. A parody of Rudy and this was so well done. The story of Rudy has grown over the years despite plenty of his teammates, including Joe Montana, shooting down the mystique. Watt played his part great here and the jokes kept flying.

The Sex Talk: A+++

Absolutely crushed. Knocked. It. Out. So many different quotable moments. Even had a shout out to one of Watt's sponsors. His best of the night.

Men's Product: A

Short, sweet, and to the point. An athlete-centric skit for the athlete. Well done.

Pilot Hunk: C

Nothing Watt could do with this one. He was put in a box and the writers took a chance on a Bachelor trope and it didn't really pay off. A couple of laughs but nothing sustainable and not nearly the quality of other sketches.

Madden 21: A++

This was very well done. Typical Madden talk and then hilarity ensues. Watt delivers so many funny lines in this one.

Society Debut: B

To me Watt did the best he could with this one. Pretty funny delivery as Bigfoot. Decent stuff and a light chuckle here and there.

Pizza Place: A

A riff on 1970's porno and how hilarious it would be for the delivery guy to have to keep coming back into work? Yeah that worked out pretty well. Well done on the writing and Watt playing a hard working and naive pizza boy was well done.

Overall Grade: A+

Watt didn't bomb at all on any of his roles in the show. He had some HILARIOUS moments, recovered from a hiccup or two with no issue, and did the most with what SNL gave him. Athletes typically don't get the invite back for another one but I wouldn't be shocked to see Watt pop up with some light work on TV or in movies after these performances.

j.j. watt nfl

SportsMap Emails
Are Awesome

Listen Live

A cheat sheet for success

Houston Roughnecks: a game day survival guide

The XFL is back. Photo by Paul Muth

Don't worry guys, I made it.

I'm six days removed from surviving the Houston Roughnecks' inaugural XFL game against the Los Angeles Wildcats. I've had time to process the moment, and I've come to an important conclusion:

The XFL is Muth-Approved.

The pace was better, the scoring was exciting, and the atmosphere in TDECU was absolutely electric. Who knows if it will carry over to this weekend, but one thing that's for sure is that I'll be there to find out. If you're planning on coming out this Sunday, here's a survival guide to help you enjoy week 2.

Parking

Here's a pro-tip: don't. Only park if you plan on tailgating. The METRORail can drop you off right in front of the stadium. The cheat code if you aren't tailgating is to park for free out in East Downtown (or EaDo, for the hipsters) and pregame at any number of the bars located around BBVA Stadium. The METRORail is free on game days, so hop on the purple line heading south and it'll drop you off in front the stadium within 15 minutes.

If you have to park, the cheapest lots are 9B and 9C for $25 and can be found at the corner of Cullen and Wheeler. All of the parking is close to the stadium, but because they only have a few lots open at the moment, congestion is terrible. It took about 30 minutes to get in and 30 more to leave out of 9C last weekend, so plan appropriately. Otherwise, make your family proud and tailgate like a true American.

Tailgating

Now if you plan on using the parking lots as they were intended, here's what you need to know. The tailgating lots are 9B and 9C (again, on the corner of Wheeler and Cullen). You can get there up to four hours before the game, and the same rules for Texans and UH Football games apply. Get there early and find a spot that backs up to Cullen Boulevard and you'll have plenty of grass and trees to set up under.

Inside the stadium

Personally, my cell phone reception was awful, so if you have digital tickets make sure you have them pulled up before you get to the gate. If you're looking to buy any merch, I recommend getting in a line at least 30 minutes prior to kickoff. The lines for everything were pretty awful. I had one buddy tell me it took him the entire first quarter to get a hoodie. If you're looking for beer, your best bet is to bring a bunch of cash and just walk around until you find an aisle vendor. They were so busy last weekend, they didn't have to move.

So to recap:

  • Don't park unless you're tailgating.
  • Tailgate up against Cullen.
  • Bring cash money.

Oh, and be loud. Like, really loud.

houston roughnecks houston roughnecks xfl football nfl

SportsMap Emails
Are Awesome