EVERYBODY WINS!
These Houston Astros hacks are a grand slam to beat inflation
Jul 26, 2022, 12:19 pm
Here's how to score a deal! Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images.
Last week, a website called The Hustle reported the 2022 MLB Fan Cost Index, revealing the typical cost for a family of four to attend a Major League Baseball game for all 30 teams. Like we need more reminders that prices are crazy high these days?
The Fan Cost Index's criterion was the total price of four tickets, two sodas, two beers and parking. The Astros finished fourth most expensive with, as the Price is Right would say, an actual retail price of $293.74. That included four tickets at $58.61 each, two sodas at $5.50, two beers at $7.50, four hot dogs at $6 and parking for $9.30.
The most expensive team for a family of four is the Boston Red Sox at $324, the cheapest is the Arizona Diamondbacks at $126. There is a problem with attending a D-Backs game at Chase Field in Phoenix, though - the seats face the field.
The Fan Cost Index's rankings got a ton of responses by media commentators. Most missed the boat: the findings were misleading and meaningless. Here’s why:
We hear warnings about visiting some cities, say Tokyo, “where hamburgers cost $50.” It’s a ridiculous statement. Answer me this - how much is a hamburger in Houston?
A few years ago, I ate the “Bistro Burger” at a restaurant called 60 Degrees Mastercrafted on Westheimer. It was made from chopped ribeye steak and topped with foie gras, onions, bordelaise, mushrooms, caviar, and shaved white truffles. It was wrapped in a 24-carat gold leaf.
The burger cost $200 (don’t worry, I expensed it). While it did come with fries, it still was obscenely overpriced and frankly awful. Caviar is disgusting on a burger, and foie gras is cruel, and you shouldn't eat it on anything. Bordelaise? I have no idea what that is.
Last week, I ate a couple of Rodeo Burgers with onion rings and bbq sauce at Burger King - $1.49 each. OK, the patty was the size of a poker chip and the o-rings were made with reconstituted onions, but no complaints.
So how much is a burger in Houston? It's really whatever you want.
I once ate a $125 hot dog at B&B Butchers on Washington Avenue. It was made with Wagyu beef and topped with truffle-infused honey, bacon and bleu cheese. I scraped off the honey and bleu cheese, and rescued the dog with spicy brown mustard. It went right on my expense report, too.
The hot dogs at Minute Maid Park are a much better deal. They taste better, too. Plus at MMP you get to watch Jose Altuve hit a leadoff homer instead of some fat cats sitting in a dark corner with their daughters.
Yeah, their “daughters.”
Let’s break down the Fan Cost Index's methodology that came up with $293.74 for a family of four to attend a game at Minute Maid Park.
The Astros are hosting the Seattle Mariners on Thursday night. That’s a pretty attractive game against the Astros chief, though ego-crushed, rivals in the American League West. The Fan Cost Index says tickets are $58.61 each. I’m sure there are tickets at that price, even higher. But I went on astros.com and found seats in Row 8 in Section 420 for $21.36 each. Yes, that’s the upper deck, but Minute Maid Park is an intimate stadium and the upper deck provides a good view of the game. Besides, who’d you rather sit near, real fans on the 400 level or those 1-percenters who show up late and leave early in the Diamond Club. Give me the nose bleeders.
You can get an even better deal on secondary market sites. I found four seats in Row 8 of Section 420 for $16 each.
I also found tickets in the second row of Sec. 313 on the Terrace Level, a really terrific place to watch an Astros game, for $33.23 each. The Terrace Level is a prime area for catching foul balls. I used to bring a baseball glove to games until friends begged me to stop.
As Dr. Rick warns at movie theaters, food is expensive at baseball stadiums. The Fan Cost Index says beer is $7.50. But Minute Maid Park has a happy hour when beer is $5.79. Also, the Astros have Dollar Dog Nights on Tuesday when franks go for a buck. The Astros allow fans to bring in food as long as they keep it reasonably sized, like sandwiches and bottles of water. Don’t try to bring in a picnic basket, charcuterie board, ice chest and hibachi grill.
The Fan Cost Index says the parking rate at Minute Maid Park is $9.30, which they cite as the lowest in the Majors. I have attended hundreds of Astros games at Minute Maid Park. I have never paid a penny to park. There is parking on the street in downtown Houston if you don’t mind walking a few (sometimes many) blocks. If you choose to use a private parking lot, that’ll run you $10 to $30. For some attractions up to $50.
Bottom line, and that’s what the Fan Cost Index was addressing, a family of four doesn’t have to pay $293 to watch the Astros punish the Mariners. Astros games are on the open market, it’s up to fans to dictate their price tag.
The real value of watching the steamrolling Astros in 2022, though … priceless.
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If the Astros were going to win one series and lose the other on their six-game road trip out of the All-Star break, they got it right in taking two out of three games at Seattle then losing two out of three to lousy Oakland. Had they inverted those results, the Astros would not be alone atop the American League West starting this weekend’s series against the Dodgers at Minute Maid Park.
By the schedule the Astros’ sledding now gets tougher. The Dodgers are rolling toward their 11th National League West crown in 12 years, despite their pitching staff having been battered by injuries every bit as much as the Astros’. The Astros will face three rookie starters this weekend. National League Rookie of the Year candidate (non-Paul Skenes division) Gavin Stone goes Friday. Saturday it’s Justin Wrobleski making his fourth big league start, Sunday River Ryan makes his second. 325 million dollar addition Yoshinobu Yamamoto last pitched June 15. Tony Gonsolin is out for the year without throwing a pitch. Clayton Kershaw’s first pitch Thursday marks the first of his season. Tyler Glasnow’s Wednesday return from the Injured List means the Astros won’t face him this weekend.
Aside: Astros’ fan favorite Joe Kelly is back in the Dodgers’ bullpen. He was activated from the IL out of the break, so the opportunity to welcome him back to Minute Maid Park looms!
After the Dodgers, the Pirates hit town with Skenes slated to pitch Monday opposite Jake Bloss. Gulp. Hey, in one game, you never know. Skenes has been the most electric rookie pitcher since Dwight Gooden with the Mets in 1984.
Sleepless in Seattle
The Mariners’ unraveling has reached historic proportions. It’s not easy losing six straight matchups with the lowly Angels but the Mariners were down to the challenge and pulled it off. The M’s have stumble-bummed their way to a 9-20 record over their last 29 games. That’s actually a better winning percentage than the Astros’ had after staggering from the starting gate to a 7-19 mark. Like the Astros did, the Mariners can right their ship, though if they don’t add quality offense before Tuesday’s trade deadline it seems unlikely. Seattle has scored more than two runs in one of its last eight games, the only win among those eight when the Mariners got to Ronel Blanco and Seth Martinez Sunday to avoid an Astros’ sweep. Meanwhile, the Texas Rangers whipping up on the laughingstock Chicago White Sox this week has their World Series title defense very much alive and a threat to overtake both the Astros and Mariners.
The trade deadline is this Tuesday
Tick-tock toward Tuesday’s 5PM Central Time trade deadline. General Manager Dana Brown is on the clock. Let’s start with starting pitchers. Tarik Skubal! Garrett Crochet! Jack Flaherty! Any would be a fabulous addition. If Brown acquires one, he will have done phenomenal work cajoling the trade partner into thinking the Astros’ offer the best. Frankly it seems impossible. The Orioles are in the starting pitcher market. Their farm system runs laps around what the Astros have. Numerous other teams on the hunt for pitching have higher rated minor league talent. The Triple-A Sugar Land Space Cowboys are having a fabulous season, but until the Astros Thursday moved up soon to be 24-year-old Jacob Melton (who was batting just .248 with a .307 on-base percentage at Double-A Corpus Christi) there was not one non-pitcher of any consequence younger than 25 on the roster. Pedro Leon, Shay Whitcomb, Will Wagner, and include Joey Loperfido: it would be shocking if any of them can be the best player in an offer good enough to land one of the potential big trade fish. All four of them wouldn’t be enough to land a Skubal or Crochet.
On the hitter side, if the Blue Jays shop Vlad Jr. and/or the Rays take offers for Paredes, of course Brown better try. Either would be a sharp upgrade over Jon Singleton, and Guerrero can’t become a free agent until after next season, with Paredes under team control through 2027. Reality check time. Seattle’s offense is in dire straits. The Mariners have four prospects rated higher than any Astros’ prospect. If the Mariners didn’t make a winning offer over what the Astros proposed, Seattle GM Jerry Dipoto would look like a timid clown.
That said, there will be several second and third tier starters and relievers moved who would boost the Astros. If Spencer Arrighetti and Jake Bloss are both still in the Astros’ starting rotation after the deadline, Dana Brown will have failed. That said, the Astros could well stand pat and win the Mild, Mild West. They could also finish third.
Go for the gold!
With the Olympics underway, a medal podium-style ranking of the Astros’ greatest trade deadline acquisitions:
No medal but cannot be omitted: Randy Johnson. It was a brief fling with “The Big Unit” in 1998 but it was spectacular. It elevated Houston as a baseball city. In 11 regular season starts Johnson went 10-1 with a 1.28 earned run average. He threw shutouts in his first four Astrodome starts. He spiked attendance like no other player in franchise history. Even though the San Diego Padres beat Johnson twice (Johnson pitched fine, the Astros scored two runs total in the two games) and bounced the Astros in a National League Division Series, and prospects Freddy Garcia and Carlos Guillen included in the deal both went on to have excellent careers, it was a trade that in hindsight you make 100 times out of 100.
Bronze: Jeff Bagwell. Reliever Larry Andersen was outstanding in helping the Boston Red Sox win the AL East in 1990, but the BoSox got swept in the ALCS and Andersen left as a free agent. Bagwell has the greatest offensive resume in Astros’ history (I know, I know, postseason aside) and is quite arguably one of the 10 greatest first basemen of all-time.
Silver: Yordan Alvarez. He has longevity to prove but to this point in his career, while not the all-around player Bagwell was, Yordan is clearly the more destructive force in the batter’s box. Throw in his three monstrously significant home runs in the 2022 Astros’ title run, and his awesome 2023 postseason, and what could still lie ahead for him and the Gold could be his if we revisit this topic 10 years from now. Imagine the Dodgers if they hadn’t gifted Yordan to the Astros for Josh Fields.
Gold: Justin Verlander. Astros’ World Series championships pre-JV, zero. With him, two. Even though his World Series resume is terrible. The finishing piece to the Astros’ initial championship winner in 2017 with a 1.06 ERA in five starts ahead of winning the 2017 ALCS MVP, a second crown in 2022, two Cy Young Awards and a Cy runner-up. Interesting decision to make for the cap on his Hall of Fame plaque. Much more body of work with the Tigers but the championships and legend cemented with the Astros.
*Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and I discuss varied Astros topics. The first post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon (second part released Tuesday) via The SportsMap HOU YouTube channel or listen to episodes in their entirety at Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.