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These Houston Astros hacks are a grand slam to beat inflation

These Houston Astros hacks are a grand slam to beat inflation
Here's how to score a deal! Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images.

Last week, a website called The Hustle reported the 2022 MLB Fan Cost Index, revealing the typical cost for a family of four to attend a Major League Baseball game for all 30 teams. Like we need more reminders that prices are crazy high these days?

The Fan Cost Index's criterion was the total price of four tickets, two sodas, two beers and parking. The Astros finished fourth most expensive with, as the Price is Right would say, an actual retail price of $293.74. That included four tickets at $58.61 each, two sodas at $5.50, two beers at $7.50, four hot dogs at $6 and parking for $9.30.

The most expensive team for a family of four is the Boston Red Sox at $324, the cheapest is the Arizona Diamondbacks at $126. There is a problem with attending a D-Backs game at Chase Field in Phoenix, though - the seats face the field.

The Fan Cost Index's rankings got a ton of responses by media commentators. Most missed the boat: the findings were misleading and meaningless. Here’s why:

We hear warnings about visiting some cities, say Tokyo, “where hamburgers cost $50.” It’s a ridiculous statement. Answer me this - how much is a hamburger in Houston?

A few years ago, I ate the “Bistro Burger” at a restaurant called 60 Degrees Mastercrafted on Westheimer. It was made from chopped ribeye steak and topped with foie gras, onions, bordelaise, mushrooms, caviar, and shaved white truffles. It was wrapped in a 24-carat gold leaf.

The burger cost $200 (don’t worry, I expensed it). While it did come with fries, it still was obscenely overpriced and frankly awful. Caviar is disgusting on a burger, and foie gras is cruel, and you shouldn't eat it on anything. Bordelaise? I have no idea what that is.

Last week, I ate a couple of Rodeo Burgers with onion rings and bbq sauce at Burger King - $1.49 each. OK, the patty was the size of a poker chip and the o-rings were made with reconstituted onions, but no complaints.

So how much is a burger in Houston? It's really whatever you want.

I once ate a $125 hot dog at B&B Butchers on Washington Avenue. It was made with Wagyu beef and topped with truffle-infused honey, bacon and bleu cheese. I scraped off the honey and bleu cheese, and rescued the dog with spicy brown mustard. It went right on my expense report, too.

The hot dogs at Minute Maid Park are a much better deal. They taste better, too. Plus at MMP you get to watch Jose Altuve hit a leadoff homer instead of some fat cats sitting in a dark corner with their daughters.

Yeah, their “daughters.”

Let’s break down the Fan Cost Index's methodology that came up with $293.74 for a family of four to attend a game at Minute Maid Park.

The Astros are hosting the Seattle Mariners on Thursday night. That’s a pretty attractive game against the Astros chief, though ego-crushed, rivals in the American League West. The Fan Cost Index says tickets are $58.61 each. I’m sure there are tickets at that price, even higher. But I went on astros.com and found seats in Row 8 in Section 420 for $21.36 each. Yes, that’s the upper deck, but Minute Maid Park is an intimate stadium and the upper deck provides a good view of the game. Besides, who’d you rather sit near, real fans on the 400 level or those 1-percenters who show up late and leave early in the Diamond Club. Give me the nose bleeders.

You can get an even better deal on secondary market sites. I found four seats in Row 8 of Section 420 for $16 each.

I also found tickets in the second row of Sec. 313 on the Terrace Level, a really terrific place to watch an Astros game, for $33.23 each. The Terrace Level is a prime area for catching foul balls. I used to bring a baseball glove to games until friends begged me to stop.

As Dr. Rick warns at movie theaters, food is expensive at baseball stadiums. The Fan Cost Index says beer is $7.50. But Minute Maid Park has a happy hour when beer is $5.79. Also, the Astros have Dollar Dog Nights on Tuesday when franks go for a buck. The Astros allow fans to bring in food as long as they keep it reasonably sized, like sandwiches and bottles of water. Don’t try to bring in a picnic basket, charcuterie board, ice chest and hibachi grill.

The Fan Cost Index says the parking rate at Minute Maid Park is $9.30, which they cite as the lowest in the Majors. I have attended hundreds of Astros games at Minute Maid Park. I have never paid a penny to park. There is parking on the street in downtown Houston if you don’t mind walking a few (sometimes many) blocks. If you choose to use a private parking lot, that’ll run you $10 to $30. For some attractions up to $50.

Bottom line, and that’s what the Fan Cost Index was addressing, a family of four doesn’t have to pay $293 to watch the Astros punish the Mariners. Astros games are on the open market, it’s up to fans to dictate their price tag.

The real value of watching the steamrolling Astros in 2022, though … priceless.

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The Texans are the class of the division. Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images.

The Houston Texans received a lot of praise for their moves in free agency across various outlets. And for good reason, most people believe the team got significantly better with the additions of Danielle Hunter, Azeez Al-Shaair, and Denico Autry among others.

But there's another factor to consider this offseason. How much have the other teams in the AFC South improved?

When looking at the PFF grades in free agency, the Colts received a B-minus. Most of the Colts moves this offseason involved spending a lot of money re-signing their own players. Which is great in theory, but it's hard to improve the overall quality of your roster when you're bringing back players that were already there to begin with. A lot will be riding on player development for the Colts to see a big jump this season. A healthy quarterback wouldn't hurt either.

The Jaguars have made some big additions financially this offseason by signing receiver Gabe Davis and defensive tackle Arik Armstead. They also lost the top receiver on the market, Calvin Ridley, to the Titans. Gabe Davis wasn't able to establish himself as a reliable No. 2 receiver with Josh Allen throwing him the ball in Buffalo. So it's hard to believe he'll take the next step in Jacksonville. Their best move of the offseason might have been retaining edge rusher Josh Allen by using the franchise tag on him. So what did PFF think of Jacksonville's offseason? They received a B-minus, just like the Colts.

The Titans have a lot of turnover heading into the 2024 season, and not just on the roster. They have a new head coach in Brian Callahan, who's looking to revamp Tennessee's offense. Early in free agency, they agreed to terms with former Cowboys running back Tony Pollard, signing him to a 3-year deal at $8 million per season. Which is more money than the Ravens are paying for Derrick Henry, who left the Titans in free agency. Calvin Ridley was the most notable addition to the squad, he received a 4-year, $92 million deal. And while this could be viewed as an overpay, at least he gives the Titans' offense some upside. Their receiving corps looks a lot more dangerous with Ridley added to DeAndre Hopkins and Treylon Burks.

They also spent big at the center position, adding Lloyd Cushenberry on a 4-year, $50 million contract.

Because the Titans spent a lot of money on some highly coveted players, PFF gave them a B.

Now that brings us to the Texans. The Texans re-signed some of their own players like Dalton Schultz and Noah Brown. But they also made some big splashes with Hunter, Autry, Al-Shaair, and Joe Mixon. But the Texans spent their money in a more conservative way by not handing out many contracts over two years in length.

The Texans managed to add the best pass rusher in free agency with Hunter, but it's only a two-year deal. The overall talent level is going up on this roster, and GM Nick Caserio isn't having to sign players to long contracts that could come back and haunt him.

That's why we're seeing post-free agency power rankings coming out with Houston in the Top 10. And that's also why PFF gave the Texans an A for their moves in free agency.

Be sure to check out the video above as Craig from Sports Talk Extra takes an in-depth look at PFF's grades for the AFC South, and much more!

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