WHO'S IN, WHO'S OUT

2024 bucket list — French Open is in, and one Astro is out

Astros Framber Valdez, Jose Abreu, Yordan Alvarez
The Jose Abreu signing was a mistake. Composite Getty Image.

This Wednesday, April 24, is my favorite made-up “holiday” of the year - National Bucket List Day - because it reminds me that I have things I’d love to do, places to go, people to meet, and dreams to dream.

This surprised me: Casino.org, a site that surveys the online gaming and entertainment industry, asked 3,000 people, specifically Texans, "What’s on your bucket list?" The No. 1 answer was, “Take a road trip,” followed by “Go to the beach.”

Go to the beach is a bucket-list fantasy? Wait, let me close this laptop.

Okay, I’m back. Check off “go to the beach.” If you live in Houston, the beach on Galveston is one hour away and it’s free.

Did these people understand what bucket list means? It’s things you’d like to do before you die.

Before you kick the bucket.

I’m lucky, because of my profession, I’ve gotten to actually do some of things that might otherwise be on my bucket list:

I’ve met three U.S. Presidents and a Beatle. Guess who tops that list? It’s Paul McCartney. I covered the Berlin Wall coming down for Gannett Radio and George H.W. Bush’s funeral for the Washington Post. I played tennis with John McEnroe and Chris Evert. I was Texas All-Star Wrestling’s cruiserweight champion (you can look it up on Wikipedia) and I once ate one of Joey Chestnut’s leftover hot dogs at the Coney Island contest.

So I’m constantly coming up with new bucket list hopes. Here’s my 2024 Top 10 Bucket List of dreams to dream:

10. Watch the French Open tennis final live in Paris while eating a crunchy baguette sandwich. Just one slice of ham, one slice of Swiss cheese on a buttered baguette. Moins on en fait, mieux c’est. Less is more.

9. Convince Larry David to do another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm so I don’t sink into dark despair Sunday nights.

8. Let the Texas Legislature have the balls to put sports gambling on the ballot, which would win overwhelmingly, so we can have nice things like Oklahoma and Louisiana do.

7. See something done with the Astrodome. Either fix it up or tear it down. I don’t give a flying’ Philadelphia flip either way. But letting it sit there rotting away is unacceptable.

6. Watch the Astros tell Jose Abreu it’s been real, but it’s time for you to pack up your $58.5 million and go home. Bring up Joey Loperfido and see what the rookie can do. As John Lennon said, “it can't get no worse” than Abreu.

5. Have a mad scientist invent a way for dogs to live as long as people. That’s the only problem with dogs, you literally love them to death. It’s the saddest thing ever to say goodbye to your dog.

4. Have West U name a dead-end street after me.

3. Watch English muffins assume their rightful place as the bun of choice in Burger World. English muffins taste a thousand times better and absorb more grease than lame boring burger buns. Ever eat a burger bun by itself? Disgusting. A toasted, buttered English muffin? Delicious.

(By the way, Nancy’s Hustle in Houston serves their burgers on an English muffin and Justin Verlander gives it his thumbs up.)

2. Force candidates to pick up campaign signs the day after an election or get fined $1,000 per sign. It like I’m still seeing Whitmire for Mayor signs. I’m talking Kathy Whitmire.

1. Lastly, just once, I’d like to drive from Houston to San Antonio, or Houston to Dallas, without seeing one orange barrel. When is done ever done? I know, ain’t gonna happen.


This article originally appeared on CultureMap.

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Stefon Diggs faces his former team on Sunday. Photo by Brace Hemmelgarn/Getty Images.

Josh Allen has never said a bad word about Stefon Diggs. As the Buffalo Bills prepare to face their former star receiver in a visit to Houston on Sunday, he insists the two went their separate ways on good terms.

And the quarterback wasn’t changing his stance a week ago, not wanting to ruffle any feathers when asked about the early season success the Bills have enjoyed with their spread-the-ball motto on offense.

He later explained that he spoke out after reading comments on social media in which people were attempting to twist the “everybody eats” motto into something being directed at Diggs.

Allen understands why Buffalo facing Diggs for the first time since a blockbuster trade sent him to Houston this offseason is a big deal. He raved about his former teammate.

“I’ve got a lot of love for him. I still do,” Allen said. “The things that he did for me in my career, and the things that he did in a Buffalo Bill uniform won’t be forgotten anytime soon, especially from me … (but) going into Year 7, I understand the business, and the aspect of what this league is, and again, I’m just trying to focus on what we got going on in this building.”

Diggs, a four-time Pro Bowler, is second on the Texans with 25 receptions for 233 yards. He has two receiving touchdowns and had the first rushing score of his career last week against the Jaguars. He spent the last four seasons in Buffalo, where he had more than 1,100 yards receiving each year, highlighted by an NFL-leading and career-high 1,535 yards in 2020.

He didn’t address Allen directly this week when talking about his time in Buffalo. Diggs did say his tenure with the Bills was “amazing” but that he’s solely focused on his future now and not interested in rehashing the past.

“A lot of other people are going to feel a way or have a lot to say about X, Y, Z, and I’m not mad at it,” he said Wednesday. “Football is a very emotional sport. I go in there and wear my heart on my sleeve, and I won’t stop, but for me, I block out the noise.”

“Nobody is going to run the routes but me,” he continued. “Nobody is going to watch the tape but me. I try not to get back into the back and forth about the opinions or how people feel. I’ve got a job to do; I try to get it done.”

Diggs has helped the Texans to a 3-1 start and Allen hasn’t missed a beat without him. The Bills also are 3-1, though they’re looking to bounce back after a 35-10 loss to the Ravens last week.

Texans coach DeMeco Ryans certainly knew how talented Diggs was when he arrived in Houston but said he has been pleasantly surprised to see his passion for the game.

“He loves football … you see it in the way he practices, the way he plays the game,” Ryans said. “He loves ball, he plays with effort and that is all you want.”

The blame game

Bills offensive coordinator Joe Brady was still kicking himself for calling a trick play that backfired, squelching any chance of a Buffalo rally in the loss to Baltimore.

After opening the second half with a TD to cut the deficit to 21-10, the Bills faced second-and-7 at the Baltimore 44, when receiver Curtis Samuel took a direct snap and pitched the ball to Allen. The Ravens weren’t fooled and forced a fumble, which led to a TD six plays later.

“I probably can’t say it on Zoom,” Brady said when asked to sum up the call in one word. “There’s no excuses. I can give the justification of why it was on the call sheet, but at the end of the day, the timing was not what it should’ve been and it was costly.”

Nico’s start

While much of the focus this week has been on Diggs facing his former team, the star of Houston’s offense so far this season has been another receiver. Nico Collins had a career-high 12 catches for 151 yards and a touchdown against the Jaguars for his third 100-yard game this season. He leads the NFL with 489 yards receiving and is the first player in franchise history with more than 450 yards receiving though the first four games.

“He’s a strong, physical, fast, and big receiver,” Ryans said. “That’s an easy target for C.J. (Stroud) and Nico has showed up every time that we needed him.”

Feeding Samuel

In the Bills’ “everybody eats” motto on offense, Samuel has had difficulty finding a regular place at the table. The eighth-year player who enjoyed his best season in Carolina under Brady as the Panthers coordinator in 2020 has been limited to eight catches for 48 yards. More curious is Samuel has been on the field for only 68 of a total of 230 offensive snaps.

“We’d love to get him going and whether or not Khalil is in or out this week,” Allen said, referring to receiver Khalil Shakir, who is nursing a right ankle injury. “So we’re going to be calling on his number, and he is going to have to step up, make some plays, which we’ve got no doubt in his ability.”

Update: Shakir has been ruled out (ankle) for Sunday's game.

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