WATT A POWER MOVE!

5 relatable moments from J.J. Watt's big soccer announcement

Texans JJ Watt
The Watts are now investors in an English soccer team. Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images for Sports Illustrated
J.J. Watt offers fans an opportunity to win $100,000 and a new Ford truck

Houston Texans and NFL all-time great J.J. Watt's Twitter bio reads, “Dream Big. Work Hard.” But it appears that our beloved No. 99 needs something to do since retiring.

Fortunately for the Texans legend — and apparently, for his soccer star wife Kealia Ohai Watt — the (seemingly bored) future Hall of Famer has a new project. And it's far more than building cabinetry or trying golf.

In a hilarious Twitter video, Watt declared that he has “officially retired from retirement” and is now backing a football team. Not American football. The kind — as he explains in the video, brilliantly using an extending pointer and map — where “they play football with their feet.”

The Watts are now investors in the English soccer team Burnley FC. The team, nicknamed The Clarets, most recently competed in the English Football League Championship — known as "the Championship" in England — but will soon play in the top-tier Premier League.

“When you invest in a club that’s been around since 1882, you must have great respect for its history and tradition,” the Watts noted in a statement. “We understand that not only are we investing in the squad and manager, we’re investing in the town and its people.” The couple even received No. 99 and No. 2 jerseys, respectively, from the squad.

That serious statement is all well and good, but we're still chuckling over the Watts' video announcement, which is 100-percent relatable for couples across the globe. Here are some of our favorite moments from their big announce.

Honey, I'm bored

In a move familiar to every married guy with a totally genius, just-hear-me-out idea, J.J. proudly pitches a road trip to a dubious Kealia. “If we rent an RV, we can hit the entire Taylor Swift tour,” he explains to her, unfolding a map, “just by driving.”

Kealia's “can you believe this dude?” long blink/look to the camera echoes exasperated wives everywhere.

Every husband has made a pitch like this to a dubious partner. JJ Watt/Twitter.

“Look, I've only been retired for about four months,” Watt, who's captioned with “Retired Guy” in the video, explains to viewers, “but I really need something to do.”

Then comes his “officially retired from retirement” declaration. Kealia's a one-word response is also relatable to wives everywhere: “Thankfully.”

Look out Lasso

Deftly explaining England's — and most of the world's — defining sport, our hero extends a presentation-worthy metal pointer, motions to a map of the isles (that magically rolls in from nowhere), and states, “You see, over in these islands here, they play football with their feet. Like her.”

Cut to a pro soccer league highlight reel of Kealia scoring like mad on poor goalies.

Thanks, J.J., we were a little shaky on the football-versus-football thing — until the Kealia sizzle reel. Ted Lasso's got nothing on you, sir.

Justin James ... or Ryan Reynolds?

Yet another soccer-loving celeb gets a name check in the video. In another scene totally relatable to married couples, J.J. declares, “We are going to invest in European Football.”

“So, you want to be Ryan Reynolds,” an off-screen interviewer asks, in a nod to the handsome superstar actor' EFL club, Wrexham.

“No...” J.J starts to reply, shaking his head — immediately interrupted by Kealia, who answers, “Yes, please.”

Cut to a headshot of handsome Reynolds, with J.J. giving a smiling, smitten Kealia a “heyyyy, wait a minute,” glance.

Continue on CultureMap to learn more!

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Gerrit Cole and Hunter Brown share the same agent now. Composite Getty Image.

There's no denying that this year's World Series champs (LA Dodgers) have some serious firepower on their roster. And one of the ways they were able to assemble such a talented team involved players like Shohei Ohtani being willing to differ their money.

Just this week, there was some speculation that the Yankees could do something similar when restructuring Gerrit Cole's contract, that would allow them more flexibility in the present.

The Yankees ended up calling Cole's bluff about opting out, and no adjustment was made to the contract.

But this situation got us thinking, would the Astros consider a tactic like this to maximize the roster? At this point, it doesn't seem all that likely. Just last year, the team handed out a $95 million contract to Josh Hader, without any differed money.

The other factor that also has to come into play is the tax threshold. The organization would have to give the okay to go over it again in order to make a splash signing this offseason. Which unfortunately does not sound like the plan right now when listening to GM Dana Brown at the Winter Meetings.

Astros pitcher hires a new agent

Now that MLB free agency is in full swing, most of the attention moving forward will be focused on players like Alex Bregman, Pete Alonso, and Juan Soto.

But for Astros fans, there might be someone else to keep an eye on this offseason and next. Starting pitcher Hunter Brown quietly hired super agent Scott Boras recently.

With Brown still another season away from his first year of arbitration, he should be with the Astros for the foreseeable future.

However, the hiring of Boras does raise some interesting questions. Why make the move now? Certainly, Brown could use some more cash, as he's set to make less than a million in 2025.

Perhaps Brown wants to land some HEB commercials to fatten his wallet. And if Bregman does leave the team in free agency, a spot will open up for another player, in theory. And three of the players in the HEB ads are represented by Boras (Jose Altuve, Lance McCullers Jr. and Bregman).

Jeremy Pena has been stacking cash from Taquerias Arandas for several years now, maybe Brown would like an opportunity to do an endorsement similar to that.

I say all this half kidding, but Brown does look like the future ace of this staff, and I'm sure there are plenty of advertisers that would have interest in Hunter.

There is another element that could have initiated the hiring of Boras. Would Brown be willing to sign an extension early with the Astros similar to the deal the team made with Cristian Javier?

Their situations are actually pretty comparable, except Javier was one year further into his career (3 years of MLB service time) and eligible for arbitration before agreeing to the extension.

If Brown was heading into arbitration this offseason, it wouldn't be surprising at all for the Astros to be considering a long-term deal with him that buys up all his arbitration years. The 'Stros love these types of contract extensions. We've seen them do it with Bregman, the aforementioned Javier, and others.

One of the main differences though between Brown and Javier is their rookie year numbers. Brown only pitched 20.1 innings in his first season (2022). While Javier pitched 54.1 innings his rookie year. However, his rookie season was in 2020, so Javier completed a full year of service time despite the shortened season. Whereas Brown didn't get called up until September 2022.

Another difference is performance. Javier never posted an ERA over 3.55 in his first three seasons. As opposed to Brown, who had a disastrous year in 2023. He made 29 starts, recording an ERA over 5.

It wasn't until May of 2024 that Brown started using his two-seam fastball with great success and becoming one of the most dominant pitchers in the American League.

The Astros had a bigger sample size to judge Javier. However, if Brown has another quality season in 2025, Houston and Brown should definitely be having conversations about an extension. Especially with Framber Valdez being in the final year of his contract in 2025. Hunter could be the unquestioned ace one year from now.

Still, though, there are some concerns with handing out these early extensions. For example, if the Astros had it to do over again, would they still extend Javier?

After receiving his extension before the 2023 season, he went on to post the highest ERA of his career (4.56), and then blew out his elbow in May 2024.

And if we're going by Luis Garcia's recovery timeline from Tommy John surgery, we may not see Javier pitch at all in 2025.

So even with a sample size of three terrific seasons, the Javier extension looks like a miss with the benefit of hindsight. It will be interesting to see if that deal impacts Dana Brown's decision-making going forward.

Especially since Javier was Dana's first big contract extension as the Astros GM.

Be sure to watch the video as we discuss how the Astros can get the most out of their roster, the pros and cons of signing Hunter Brown early, and much more!

*Catch our weekly Stone Cold ‘Stros podcasts. Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo discuss varied Astros topics. The post for the week generally goes up Monday afternoon. Find all via The SportsMap HOU YouTube channel or listen to episodes in their entirety at Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.

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