All I want for Christmas is:

Deshaun Watson’s knee to be bionic, not just perfect, bionic.

James Harden to be hypnotized to think that the Warriors playoff series is just a regular season game against the Suns.

Rick Smith to take his annual vacation right after the first round of the draft. No need to wait. Much easier to drive late Thursday night than over the weekend.

The Coogs and someone else to join the Big 12. Ten teams in the Big 12 is just stupid.

Someone to give Gilbert Texans club level season tickets so he doesn’t ask for them every day on the show.

A clean lie in all my sand traps.

The Astros to add Yu Darvish to this rotation.

Yu Darvish to stop tipping his pitches.

Poker as an Olympic sport.

Kevin Sumlin somehow able to overcome the heartbreak of getting paid $10.4M to do nothing this year. Keep your chin up coach.

Tiger Woods to be in contention on a Sunday at a major. That would be sweet.

David Quessenberry, who was just added to the Texans roster, plays great and gets a long term job in the NFL.

The Astros bullpen to have a playoff ERA somewhere below James Harden’s average points per game.

Colin Kaepernick to find work, and no not at the drive thru window at McDonald’s, as a quarterback in the NFL, so every time a QB gets hurt I don’t have to watch ESPN spend four segments on how unfair life is for Kaep. Please, please, please someone give him a job. It’s the most tired conversation in sports.

A Premier League game that ends 22-20. That would be watchable.

Concussion-free football helmets for everyone.

LiAngelo and LaMelo to be the greatest Lithuanian basketball players ever. Then I’m sure Lavar will move there so that he can sell his crappy shoes and be on ESPN Lithuania every day and have his own reality show called Big Baller Brand Lithuania and change the logo to BBBL and never come back here again so we won’t have to see him for four segments on our ESPN every time Lonzo scores 8 points and dishes out 6 assists.

Blue mountains every time on everyone’s Coors Light.