MAKING HISTORY

Here's a fresh, unique perspective on Houston Astros dilemma at first

Astros Jose Abreu
Jose Abreu is chasing history, but not in a good way. Photo by Brandon Vallance/Getty Images.

I left for vacation on April 14. Came back home on April 24. Eleven days in England and Germany.

Astros first baseman Jose Abreu went 0 for my vacation.

The last time Abreu reached base via a real-life hit was April 13 when he got two hits (fully half of his season total) and his batting average soared to a robust .122.

Since then, while I was dining on shepherd’s pie and schnitzel, Abreu has gone hitless in 21 at bats and his batting average has plunged to a squinty .065.

There’s an expression in baseball when a player is having a horrible, dreadful season: “He ain’t hitting his weight.”

Abreu ain’t hitting his uniform number. If you’re keeping score at home, Abreu weighs 250 pounds and wears number 79.

Abreu is chasing history. The record for suckiest single-season batting average for a player with enough plate appearances (502) to qualify for the batting title is held by former Orioles slugger Chris Davis.

In 2018, Davis batted .168. Despite being in the middle of a wildly overpaid 7-year, $161 million contract, the Orioles essentially fired Davis and his career was over in 2020.

Abreu is in the middle year of a guaranteed 3-year, $58.5 million, money down the toilet contract. Will he be an Astro next year when owner Jim Crane chokes on signing yet another $19.5 million paycheck for Abreu? Unlikely.

Other modern era batters have turned in disastrous single-season averages. Dan Uggla batted an unattractive .179 for the Braves in 2013. Rob Deer was a deer in the headlights swatting .179 for the Tigers in 1991.

Abreu is turning futility into an art form. If he continues his .065 pace he will obliterate every record for crummiest season in baseball history.

He has appeared in 19 games and has 4 hits in 62 at bats, with no home runs and one measly RBI. He had his latest oh-fer Tuesday night against the Cubs.

Fans are clamoring for Astros manager Joe Espada to open his eyes, stop looking at the back of Abreu’s baseball and bench the flailing, failing first baseman.

I say the opposite. In fact move him back to fifth in the batting order. If Abreu stays focused on doing what he does best this season - striking out with runners in scoring position - fans can witness the worst batting stats anybody’s ever had.

Oh, by the way, Abreu is a horrible fielding first baseman. We don’t know if he’s a good base runner. He’d have to get on base for us to tell.

Abreu is on pace to get 502 plate appearances. So this counts.

There actually is a player who’s having worse time at the plate than Abreu., though.

Abreu’s meager stats look positively Ruthian compared to what former Astro catcher Martin Maldonado is putting up for the White Sox. Maldy has 2 hits in 42 at bats for a subterranean .048 batting average with no homers and no RBI in 15 games. Maldonado won’t get to 502 plate appearances, however.

Who will end 2024 with a lower batting average: Abreu or Maldonado? This epic battle could go down to the final game of the season.

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Will Joe Mixon be the difference in the game? Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images.

Miami (6-7) at Houston (8-5)

Sunday, 1 p.m. EST, CBS

BetMGM Odds: Texans by 3.

Against the spread: Dolphins 5-8; Texans 5-6-2.

Series record: Texans lead 8-3.

Last meeting: Dolphins beat Texans 30-15, on Nov. 27, 2022, in Miami.

Last week: Dolphins beat Jets 32-26 in OT; Texans were off, beat Jaguars 23-20 on Dec. 1.

Dolphins offense: overall (19), rush (24), pass (14), scoring (23).

Dolphins defense: overall (9), rush (7), pass (11), scoring (T14).

Texans offense: overall (18), rush (16), pass (17), scoring (11).

Texans defense: overall (5), rush (10), pass (7), scoring (T12).

Turnover differential: Dolphins minus-2; Texans plus-10.

Dolphins player to watch

QB Tua Tagovailoa, who has been one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL at throwing with anticipation and accuracy since he returned from a concussion in Week 8. Tagovailoa leads the NFL with a 73.8% completion rate and threw for 300 yards for the third straight game last week vs. the Jets. Tagovailoa is the first player in NFL history to have at least 40 pass attempts, multiple touchdown passes and no interceptions in three consecutive games within a single season.

Texans player to watch

QB C.J. Stroud has thrown for at least 225 yards in each of his six home games this season and is 11-4 in 15 starts in Houston, including the playoffs. He has thrown for 3,117 yards with 15 touchdowns and nine interceptions this season.

Key matchup

Houston RB Joe Mixon vs. Miami’s run defense. Mixon ran for 101 yards in Houston’s previous game for his seventh 100-yard game this season. He ranks third in the NFL by averaging 88.7 yards rushing a game. This week he’ll face a run defense that ranks seventh in the NFL by holding teams to 105.6 yards a game.

Key injuries

Miami LT Terron Armstead is dealing with a knee injury that limited him to just five snaps last week. He did not practice Wednesday… LBs Bradley Chubb (knee) and Cameron Goode (knee) could make their season debut, depending on how this week of practice goes, coach Mike McDaniel said. … WRs Tyreek Hill (wrist) and Jaylen Waddle (hamstring), RB Raheem Mostert (hip), and LB Anthony Walker Jr. (hamstring) were among those limited in practice Wednesday. … Houston S Jalen Pitre is expected to miss a second straight game with a shoulder injury. … DE Denico Autry was limited in practice Wednesday because of a knee injury.

Series notes

Houston won the first seven meetings in this series. … Miami didn’t get its first win against the Texans until a 44-26 victory in 2015. … The Dolphins have won the past two meetings. … These teams first met in the season opener in 2003 when Houston got a 21-20 win on a late field goal.

Stats and stuff

Three of Miami’s final four games of the season are on the road. … K Jason Sanders needs 13 points Sunday to reach 800. He also needs one field goal to reach 177, which would give him the second-most field goals made in franchise history. … TE Jonnu Smith needs 100 yards receiving to reach 792 and set a franchise record for most yards receiving by a tight end in a single season. Smith had three catches for 44 yards, including the game-winning TD vs. the Jets last week after having no receptions during regulation. … Tagovailoa needs a completion rate of 70% or better on Sunday to reach eight consecutive games completing at least 70% of his passes. That would tie him with Joe Montana (1989) and Drew Brees (2017-18) for the longest streak in NFL history. … The Dolphins gave up a season-high 402 yards to the Jets last week. Aaron Rodgers burned Miami’s pass defense for 319 yards, and Miami’s secondary allowed a combined 223 yards by Garrett Wilson and Davante Adams. … Houston can clinch the AFC South title for the second straight year with a win and a loss by Indianapolis Sunday. … The Texans rank second in the NFL with 84 tackles for loss. … Their 42 sacks also rank second. … WR Nico Collins had eight receptions for 119 yards for his fourth 100-yard game this season in Houston’s previous game. He has had at least 75 yards receiving and a TD reception in each of his four home games this season. … TE Dalton Schultz had five receptions for 61 yards and a score in Week 13. He has had at least five catches in two of his past three games. … LB Azeez Al-Shaai will serve the first game of a three-game suspension for an illegal hit to the head of QB Trevor Lawrence Sunday. … DE Danielle Hunter is one of two players in the NFL this season with at least 15 tackles for loss (15) and 10 sacks (10 1/2). It’s his sixth career season with at least 10 sacks. He has eight tackles for loss and five sacks combined in his past three games. … DE Will Anderson has had a sack in his past two home games. … LB Henry To’oTo’o has had at least five tackles in four straight games. … CB Derek Stingley had his third interception of the season in his previous game. … CB Kamari Lassiter had a career-high eight tackles, including a tackle for loss in Week 13. … S Jimmie Ward has had an interception in his past two home games. He also had an interception in his previous game against Miami in 2022 while with San Francisco.

Fantasy tip

Collins has 456 yards receiving and four touchdown receptions in four home games this season.

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