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Tom Brady can take any job in America he wants.
Sure, many NFL teams would love to have him for the next season or two, but I guarantee you almost any organization – big business, Wall Street, law firms, Hollywood, ad agencies, even Spirit Airlines – would hire him in a Foxboro heartbeat.
What, if you're BBDO trying to convince Coca-Cola to let you run its next TV campaign, you don't think Tom Brady in the room can't help you seal the deal?
Who wouldn't want TB12 – the all-time QB1 – on their roster?
I know Brady never EVER gets hit in the pocket, but he could make a better, safer living without having to put on pads, cleats and eye black every Sunday. Heck, he's Tom Brady – he shouldn't even be working Sunday.
A bail bonds or check-cashing store would have lines around the block if Brady were working the night shift.
He could make Ben from Ben & Jerry's an offer he couldn't refuse and recast the ice cream powerhouse as Tom & Jerry's. He could turn IHOP into the International House of Brady. He could revive "The Brady Bunch" on ABC, getting Gronk acting work as the crazy neighbor next door.
For Brady, the implausible is plausible. Is there any other 42-year-old in the nation as healthy, handsome and happy? This man's version of a personal setback is having a baby with a model and leaving her for another model.
Yet despite a world of possibilities, Brady almost certainly will remain in the NFL in 2020.
Speculation has been rampant whether first-time free agent Brady will stay in New England or leave the Patriots. Almost daily, there are stories in which sources say which way Brady is leaning. I am not sure who these "sources" are – Brady only talks to Julian Edelman, his nutritionist and the fellow who handles the air pressure in his footballs.
Does Couch Slouch know what Brady will do? Of course not. However, through contacts of mine with the Patriots' video surveillance team, T-Mobile, ADT and Russian hackers, I have obtained access to a series of recent texts between Brady and his wife, Gisele Bündchen, discussing his NFL options.
(Note: The texts have been edited for space and clarity.)
Gisele: San Francisco?
Tom: It's actually Santa Clara.
Gisele: Minnesota?
Tom: Mosquitos in the summer.
Gisele: Las Vegas?
Tom: Gruden in my face 24-7? I don't think so.
Gisele: Houston or Dallas?
Tom: I don't want to leave the U.S.
Gisele: Los Angeles?
Tom: Remember when we had a home in L.A.? Took 20 minutes just to pull out of the driveway.
Gisele: Jets or Giants?
Tom: I don't care if they name a rest stop after me, I'm not going anywhere near the New Jersey Turnpike.
Gisele: D.C.?
Tom: Let's wait and see if Trump is still in office.
Gisele: Jacksonville?
Tom: That's not even Florida – it's really Georgia.
Gisele: Chicago?
Tom: They already have Mitch Trubisky.
Gisele: Cincinnati?
Tom: I don't mind a team that is rebuilding but I don't want one that is reincarnating.
Gisele: Indianapolis?
Tom: Look at me. Look at you. Look at Indianapolis.
Gisele: New England?
Tom: Belichick.
Gisele: I'll call the movers.
Ask The Slouch
Q. The Seattle Dragons-Houston Roughnecks XFL game – still in doubt – ended with two seconds left, inexplicably. Is there an explanation? (Bill Sharpe; Houston)
A. If the game had gone to overtime, everyone gets paid overtime; wherever possible, the XFL is still cutting corners.
Q. I happened onto a PBA telecast recently and, as I watched, mesmerized, the thought came to me: How can we use instant replay to screw up bowling? (Jim Clanton; Spokane Valley, Wash.)
A. You cannot screw it up – just as bananas are nature's perfect food, bowling is nature's perfect sport.
Q. The Bayern Munich and Hoffenheim soccer clubs refused to play the final 10 minutes of their match due to vulgar signs in the stands. What would it take to get you to stop writing? (Jim O'Brien; Racine, Wis.)
A. It appears you have taken a huge first step.
Q. I read that Al Michaels might get traded from "Sunday Night Football" to "Monday Night Football." Any chance you could be traded from newspaper columnist to paperboy? (James Wagner; Akron, Ohio)
A. I wouldn't pass the physical for paperboy.
Q. Spike Lee vs. James Dolan – who you rooting for? (Michael Phillips; Charleston, W.Va.)
A. I didn't take sides during the Crimean War (1853-56) and I won't take sides here.
Q. Do you think the Astros have developed a way to tip their batter off that he's about to be hit by a pitch? (Kim Hemphill; South Riding, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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The Houston Astros wrapped up yet another series win this week, this time taking two of three from the struggling Colorado Rockies at Coors Field. Despite missing several key players and a bullpen that wasn’t fully available, the Astros continued their recent run of success, pushing their record to 52-35.
Manager Joe Espada appeared to be playing the long game in the rubber match on Thursday. After Houston rallied to tie the game in the seventh inning, Espada stuck with reliever Jordan Weems instead of turning to his high-leverage arms. That decision, while frustrating to some fans hoping for the sweep, underscored the team’s cautious approach to workload management as they navigate a long season.
One bright spot continues to be rookie Cam Smith, who delivered again in the clutch with a two-run triple in the seventh inning on Thursday. Smith has been Houston’s most dependable bat with runners on base and is quickly settling into the cleanup role—a rarity for a first-year player but one he’s earned with his poise and production.
Astros cleanup hitter RBIs this season:
Cam Smith: 10 RBIs in 7 games
All others: 28 RBIs in 80 games
— Matt Kawahara (@matthewkawahara) July 3, 2025
Off the field, the biggest storyline continues to be Yordan Alvarez’s injury. After reports surfaced that the slugger had experienced a setback in his return from a fractured hand, the team clarified that the issue is inflammation, not the fracture itself. Astros general manager Dana Brown said Alvarez received injections to address the irritation and is expected to rest for now. Encouragingly, the Astros say the fracture is no longer a concern, and while there’s still no definitive timeline for his return, the overall tone from the club was optimistic.
The transparency around Alvarez’s situation is part of a larger shift. After being criticized in recent seasons for vague injury updates, the Astros have begun issuing daily availability reports. It’s a move that signals the front office is trying to regain some trust with the media and fans after a stretch of frustrating ambiguity around player health.
Now, the Astros head to Los Angeles for a marquee matchup with the defending champion Dodgers. Friday’s opener will feature Lance McCullers Jr. making just his second start since returning from the injured list. McCullers gave up eight runs in his return against the Cubs and will be under the spotlight as he looks to settle back into form. Control will be the key, as walks have long been McCullers’ Achilles’ heel.
Saturday sets the stage for one of the most anticipated pitching matchups of the season: Framber Valdez versus Shohei Ohtani. With both teams fighting for positioning in their respective divisions, this weekend in LA should serve as a measuring stick—and perhaps a postseason preview.
There's so much more to get to! Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!
The MLB season is finally upon us! Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday.
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