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Tom Brady can take any job in America he wants.
Sure, many NFL teams would love to have him for the next season or two, but I guarantee you almost any organization – big business, Wall Street, law firms, Hollywood, ad agencies, even Spirit Airlines – would hire him in a Foxboro heartbeat.
What, if you're BBDO trying to convince Coca-Cola to let you run its next TV campaign, you don't think Tom Brady in the room can't help you seal the deal?
Who wouldn't want TB12 – the all-time QB1 – on their roster?
I know Brady never EVER gets hit in the pocket, but he could make a better, safer living without having to put on pads, cleats and eye black every Sunday. Heck, he's Tom Brady – he shouldn't even be working Sunday.
A bail bonds or check-cashing store would have lines around the block if Brady were working the night shift.
He could make Ben from Ben & Jerry's an offer he couldn't refuse and recast the ice cream powerhouse as Tom & Jerry's. He could turn IHOP into the International House of Brady. He could revive "The Brady Bunch" on ABC, getting Gronk acting work as the crazy neighbor next door.
For Brady, the implausible is plausible. Is there any other 42-year-old in the nation as healthy, handsome and happy? This man's version of a personal setback is having a baby with a model and leaving her for another model.
Yet despite a world of possibilities, Brady almost certainly will remain in the NFL in 2020.
Speculation has been rampant whether first-time free agent Brady will stay in New England or leave the Patriots. Almost daily, there are stories in which sources say which way Brady is leaning. I am not sure who these "sources" are – Brady only talks to Julian Edelman, his nutritionist and the fellow who handles the air pressure in his footballs.
Does Couch Slouch know what Brady will do? Of course not. However, through contacts of mine with the Patriots' video surveillance team, T-Mobile, ADT and Russian hackers, I have obtained access to a series of recent texts between Brady and his wife, Gisele Bündchen, discussing his NFL options.
(Note: The texts have been edited for space and clarity.)
Gisele: San Francisco?
Tom: It's actually Santa Clara.
Gisele: Minnesota?
Tom: Mosquitos in the summer.
Gisele: Las Vegas?
Tom: Gruden in my face 24-7? I don't think so.
Gisele: Houston or Dallas?
Tom: I don't want to leave the U.S.
Gisele: Los Angeles?
Tom: Remember when we had a home in L.A.? Took 20 minutes just to pull out of the driveway.
Gisele: Jets or Giants?
Tom: I don't care if they name a rest stop after me, I'm not going anywhere near the New Jersey Turnpike.
Gisele: D.C.?
Tom: Let's wait and see if Trump is still in office.
Gisele: Jacksonville?
Tom: That's not even Florida – it's really Georgia.
Gisele: Chicago?
Tom: They already have Mitch Trubisky.
Gisele: Cincinnati?
Tom: I don't mind a team that is rebuilding but I don't want one that is reincarnating.
Gisele: Indianapolis?
Tom: Look at me. Look at you. Look at Indianapolis.
Gisele: New England?
Tom: Belichick.
Gisele: I'll call the movers.
Ask The Slouch
Q. The Seattle Dragons-Houston Roughnecks XFL game – still in doubt – ended with two seconds left, inexplicably. Is there an explanation? (Bill Sharpe; Houston)
A. If the game had gone to overtime, everyone gets paid overtime; wherever possible, the XFL is still cutting corners.
Q. I happened onto a PBA telecast recently and, as I watched, mesmerized, the thought came to me: How can we use instant replay to screw up bowling? (Jim Clanton; Spokane Valley, Wash.)
A. You cannot screw it up – just as bananas are nature's perfect food, bowling is nature's perfect sport.
Q. The Bayern Munich and Hoffenheim soccer clubs refused to play the final 10 minutes of their match due to vulgar signs in the stands. What would it take to get you to stop writing? (Jim O'Brien; Racine, Wis.)
A. It appears you have taken a huge first step.
Q. I read that Al Michaels might get traded from "Sunday Night Football" to "Monday Night Football." Any chance you could be traded from newspaper columnist to paperboy? (James Wagner; Akron, Ohio)
A. I wouldn't pass the physical for paperboy.
Q. Spike Lee vs. James Dolan – who you rooting for? (Michael Phillips; Charleston, W.Va.)
A. I didn't take sides during the Crimean War (1853-56) and I won't take sides here.
Q. Do you think the Astros have developed a way to tip their batter off that he's about to be hit by a pitch? (Kim Hemphill; South Riding, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
Will Houston's offense improve with a new OC calling the shots? Photo by Alex Bierens de Haan/Getty Images.
As quarterback C.J. Stroud returns to lead the Houston Texans for a third season, his offense has a much different look than it did a year ago.
Top receiver Nico Collins and leading rusher Joe Mixon are back. But the Texans have a new offensive coordinator in Nick Caley after Bobby Slowik was fired and longtime left tackle Laremy Tunsil was traded to the Commanders in the offseason.
In other moves on offense, Houston traded for receiver Christian Kirk, signed receiver Justin Watson and drafted Iowa State receivers Jayden Higgins and Jaylin Noel before signing running back Nick Chubb last month.
Chubb should get a lot of work early in camp with Mixon opening camp on the non-football injury list after missing minicamp with an ankle injury.
“Every year you’re looking to add more and more to your team,” coach DeMeco Ryans said Wednesday as the Texans opened camp. “I’m excited about the receivers that we’ve added. The young guys, Noel, Higgins, also with Kirk, Watson, all the guys we’ve added at those spots will definitely enhance our offense, giving us more options for where the football can go, and that will help our quarterback a lot.”
It’s officially training camp szn ‼️ pic.twitter.com/WBYXQE8myg
— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) July 23, 2025
The Texans needed depth at receiver after veterans Stefon Diggs and Robert Woods left in free agency and with Tank Dell out indefinitely recovering from a gruesome knee injury sustained in December.
Even though it’s early, Stroud has already been impressed by his rookie receivers. Higgins, who has been compared to Collins, had 87 receptions for 1,183 yards and nine touchdowns last season for the Cyclones and Noel added 80 catches for 1,194 yards and eight scores.
“They’ve came in with a great mindset,” Stroud said. “They are really mature guys. Guys who love to work, consistently, here at the building or working with me in the offseason. So, I’m really excited to see those guys’ growth and see them take a step forward each and every day. Not going to be perfect for them, but I think they’re going to make a lot of plays.”
I am speed 🏃♂️ pic.twitter.com/Z6tjqebi1z
— Houston Texans (@HoustonTexans) July 23, 2025
While the Texans addressed their need at receiver, their most pressing issue is improving the offensive line after Stroud was sacked 52 times last season, which ranked second in the NFL. Though Tunsil was penalty-prone he was Houston’s most consistent lineman and replacing him won’t be easy.
Second-round pick Aireontae Ersery could be Houston’s left tackle of the future after starting 38 games at the position over three seasons at Minnesota. But veteran Cam Robinson will likely open the season at left tackle while Ersery adjusts to the NFL.
Ryans knows everyone is concerned about the offensive line after Stroud was sacked eight times in a 23-14 loss to the Chiefs in the divisional round of the playoffs last season.
“I know I’m going to get a ton of questions about the offensive line and what it looks like,” Ryans said. “You guys will see what it looks like when we line up across from another team and we get a chance to actually compete in live reps. Me talking to you is probably not going to convince anybody here … we’ll see what it looks like, man. I’m excited about the group because I know they’ll be better.”
Stroud is also looking to take another step after leading the Texans to the postseason in each of his first two seasons. Stroud threw for 3,727 yards with 20 touchdowns and 12 interceptions in 17 games last season after winning AP Offensive Rookie of the Year in his debut when he had 4,108 yards passing with 23 TD passes and just five interceptions in 15 games.
He was asked what the biggest lesson he learned last year was that he believes will help him this season.
“Just trust the process,” he said. “It’s not about what people think, who people think you are, what they think you are or when they think you should do it. It’s about your process and how you’re going to go about it. If God is happy, your teammates are happy and yourself, then you’re good.”
You can watch Stroud discuss his growth as a QB in the video below.
'I've grown a lot' #Texans quarterback C.J. Stroud @CJ7STROUD @KPRC2 pic.twitter.com/OOMIWpC8zF
— Aaron Wilson (@AaronWilson_NFL) July 23, 2025