NCAA bowl season: The games we REALLY need to see
It’s December, and you know what that means? IT’S BOWL SEASON! College football will have 478 bowls this year starting Dec. 15 through the title game on Jan. 7. OK, maybe I exaggerated a teeny bit. But you get the picture.
Bowl season has gotten out of hand. The only thing more ridiculous is the names. With sponsors now making their name a part of the bowl name, we’re subjected to things like a Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl, a Dollar General Bowl, and a Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. I believe The Usual Suspects said it best on their show: What the hell is a Gasparilla?!?
That being said, I’m going to be tuned in and try to watch every last one of them. I was going over all the bowls and planning my watch schedule when I had an idea: what if we could come up with new bowls and names? What would they be? Who or what could they be named after? Well, here’s my remix on bowl season:
The Taco Bowl
The Taco Bowl will be sponsored by all the hole-in-the-wall taqueria’s and taco trucks. Teams must have at least 10 wins to qualify because even if they lose, they must have a winning record since tacos are one of the rare foods that rarely takes a loss. It will be held in small, out-dated stadiums at random times because the best tacos come from random places and are eaten at any given time of the day.
The Millenial Bowl
This bowl will revolutionize college football by being played in the virtual reality realm. Players will all have VR suits so they won’t have to take physical contact. The crowd will be neutral and unbiased, preventing the players from hearing any disparaging remarks. There will be no score kept. Teams will be chosen at random, but every team in college football will get a chance to play in this bowl, regardless of their record.
The Trump Bowl
The Trump Bowl will be the biggest bowl ever! It’s going to be huge! It’ll be the best bowl with the best teams! This bowl will make bowl season great again! It’ll take place at The Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach because we want only the best people to attend! It’s gonna be great! No bad hombres allowed!
The Political Divide Bowl
There are only two types of schools that can qualify for this bowl: liberal arts or private Christian conservative schools. If you’re a progressive school or have multiple different degree programs, you are not eligible. Only far left or far right schools are allowed. The rest of you can suck it!
The Gimmick Gameplan Bowl
Only way to qualify for this bowl is to have a gimmick offense and/or defense. By gimmick, I mean something off the wall. For example: teams that still run the triple option or pass 70 times a game or play a three man front on defense with a 275 pound nose tackle can qualify. Special teams are nearly null and void because punts, field goals, and extra points are outlawed.
The Napoleon Bowl
Napoleon Complex, commonly referred to as “short man complex”, occurs in people of small stature. Therefore, the only teams that qualify for this bowl are Group of Five schools. The two best Group of Five schools will be matched up in a game that will be played in direct competition of the national title game. The game will be held on Boise State’s blue turf field and will air on Spike TV.
If you have anything to add, please let me know. There may be another list like this, or not. That’s totally up to you guys and whether or not Fred kills me between now and next Tuesday.