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In a clandestine meeting at a Doubletree by Hilton conference room in Grand Rapids, Mich., in late March 1987, Pete Rozelle, Paul Tagliabue and Roger Goodell secretly hatched a plan for worldwide, around-the-clock NFL expansion, according to multiple sources at or near the gathering who are unauthorized to speak publicly about the undertaking because they might not even know what they're talking about.
And, from all indications, this covert NFL manifesto is now in its final stages.
Here is what the NFL is considering for as early as the 2021 season, according to a report from cbssports.com's Jason La Canfora:
-- Add a 17th game to the regular season and a second bye week.
-- Additional game for each team would be played out-of-market.
-- Out-of-market games every week internationally or in U.S. cities without an NFL team.
-- Add a wild-card playoff game in each conference.
-- Move the Super Bowl to end of February.
Impressively, the NFL is considering doing all of this in the face of growing science about neurological damage to its players and growing resistance from parents to allow their kids to play football.
Then again, the NFL still retains a pervasive hold on much of the sporting public. Heck, the NFL could've sold DirecTV Sunday ticket packages to passengers on the Titanic.
Although the NFL has not added a team since the Houston Texans became its 32nd franchise in 2002, the league has continued to expand in other ways, including scheduling games as many as four days a week and playing multiple games annually in England and Mexico.
Frankly, I believe the NFL should stop its tippy-toe crawl toward global domination and rather stomp its feet en route to replicating the early-20th-century British Empire.
My NFL plan is bolder, brasher and more in line with Jerry Jones' wildest, non-Jason Garrett hopes:
-- A 32-game regular-season schedule.
-- Expand to 48 teams.
-- Back legislation to literally change the calendar to better oblige NFL scheduling needs.
Let's start with this 17th game the league is pondering. One more game? What's that? Reminds me of the U.S. Postal Service upping postage two or three cents at a time. JUST GO FOR IT; double the length of the season, for goodness sakes. More replays! More comebacks! More records! More injuries!
I mean, if they had already done this, Matthew Stafford could've made it to 100,000 passing yards by now without ever winning a playoff game.
By growing to 48 franchises, the NFL can put teams in London, Mexico City, Moscow, Hong Kong, Montreal, Pyongyang, San Antonio, Anchorage, San Diego, Kenosha, Wis., Tunica, Miss., Trinidad and Tobago, Paris (France), Paris (Texas) and Monowi, Neb.
I'd also contemplate taking the Jaguars out of Jacksonville, because nobody ever goes to Jacksonville unless they are already in Jacksonville.
To accommodate this bloated enterprise – and allow the NFL to better command the nation's TV programming – the key would be to replace the seven-day, 52-week year with a six-day, 60-week year.*
(* If you give Donald Trump a team while he is still in the White House – Eric can run it – he will back this calendar change with or without congressional approval.)
Just get rid of Tuesdays – Tuesdays are for losers – and then the NFL could broadcast games on Sundays, Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays; this would leave Wednesdays for ESPN to run an all-day NFL studio bonanza blowout in which 24 of its talking heads debate Stephen A. Smith one hour at a time on various league topics.
Sure, some snowflakes likely will whine about player safety concerns over a nearly year-round season. Not a problem. Through a unique fan promotion that will ensure sellouts every week, if the last available player on the home-team roster gets hurt, one eligible season ticket holder's name will be pulled from a hat and play the rest of the game!
And with in-game betting apps on the horizon, this means you'll be able to watch, gamble on and even play in an NFL game all for the price of a ticket. Wow.
Ask The Slouch
Q.Can you explain to a 78-year-old man the rationale of a player celebrating a touchdown by impersonating a dog peeing? (Joseph Dreyer; La Porte, Tex.)
A. What, you'd prefer he impersonate a dog pooping?
Q.Do NFL players really pin their ears back? (Mark Cohen; Gibsonia, Pa.)
A. Not since Odell Beckham Jr. was fined by the NFL for nonstandard pins.
Q.Using your rapier-like wit, could you discuss the Washington R*dsk*ns? (William Case; Sterling, Va.)
A. They stink.
Q.Why is revenge a dish best served cold? (Bob Lipman; Spokane, Wash.)
A. Search me – I microwave everything.
Q.If Russia is banned from the 2020 Summer Olympics, do you think President Trump will pardon them? (John Oetting; Columbia, Md.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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Jason Heyward hit a two-run homer early and Jon Singleton had three hits, capped by a tiebreaking RBI single in Houston’s four-run eighth inning, and the Astros got a 6-3 win over the Oakland Athletics on Thursday.
SAY HEY!!#Relentless pic.twitter.com/fqAiUHHdNh
— Houston Astros (@astros) September 12, 2024
Brent Rooker homered off Ryan Pressly (2-3) with one out in the eighth to tie it at 2-all.
Yainer Diaz and Kyle Tucker hit consecutive singles with one out in the eighth to chase T.J. McFarland (2-3) and bring on Grant Holman. There were two outs in the inning when Singleton’s single to center field scored Diaz to put the Astros on top.
Jake Meyers followed with a run-scoring double before the Athletics intentionally walked Heyward to load the bases. Mauricio Dubón singled on a ground ball to left field to score two more, pushing the lead to 6-2.
Tyler Nevin hit a solo homer off Josh Hader with one out in the ninth before the closer retired the next two batters to end it.
Houston’s Framber Valdez allowed five hits and a run with six strikeouts in 6 1/3 innings to help the Astros avoid a three-game sweep and snap a three-game skid with the victory.
La Grasa had himself a day.#Relentless pic.twitter.com/LvGeKBAoqA
— Houston Astros (@astros) September 12, 2024
Oakland starter Mitch Spence permitted seven hits and two runs in seven innings.
Singleton hit a ground-rule double with one out in the second before Heyward smacked a line drive into the second row in right field for his first home run as an Astro to make it 2-0.
It was the third hit in 12 games with Houston for Heyward, who signed with the Astros Aug. 29 after being released by the Dodgers.
Jacob Wilson doubled to open the seventh and moved to third on a ground out by Nevin. The Athletics cut the lead to 1 when Wilson scored on a single by Daz Cameron that chased Valdez.
Bryan Abreu took over and pinch-hitter Seth Brown grounded into a double play on his second pitch to preserve the lead.
Lawrence Butler doubled with one out in the third to extend his career-long hitting streak to 20 games.
Singleton doubled again to start Houston’s fourth before Spence sat down the next 11 Astros. Houston’s next base runner came on a double by Dubón with two outs in the seventh and Alex Bregman grounded out to leave him stranded.
Trainer’s Room
Athletics: 1B Tyler Soderstrom (left wrist injury) is scheduled to come off the injured list Friday for the start of a series against the White Sox.
Astros: 2B Jose Altuve was out of the lineup Thursday, a day after leaving in the fifth inning with discomfort in his right side. Manager Joe Espada said he was feeling better Thursday and that he is listed as day to day.
Up Next
Athletics: LHP Brady Basso (0-0, 1.93 ERA) will start for Oakland against LHP Garrett Crochet (6-11, 3.83) in the opener of a three-game series against the Chicago White Sox Friday night.
Astros: Houston LHP Yusei Kikuchi (8-9, 4.31) opposes LHP Samuel Aldegheri (1-1, 2.45) in the first of three games against the Los Angeles Angels Friday night.