HOLLY SEYMOUR

An off-the-wall recap of Sunday's NFL action

Tom Brady can only be stopped by passing out and missing the game. Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

It’s time for our Week 9 Recap. With the season half way over, this week wasn’t anything special. In fact, the noon games were the least intriguing that they have been all year. 

Niners vs Raiders

Raise your hand if you’ve ever watched film on someone named Nick Mullens. All right then. *sigh* 

Just when we thought the Steelers locker room was a reality TV disaster... Gruden with the “hold my beer” challenge accepted. 

Panthers vs Bucs 

Well. I see Fitzmagic left his pixie dust at home. You’re garbage Tampa, it’s a wrap. 

Dolphins vs Jets 

Wow. Just wow. This combined score was barely over two touchdowns. I’ve seen peewee football games put up more points. 

Bears vs Bills 

We’re just going to pull the plug on the Bills for the remainder of the season. Thank you for your dedication with the dildos and showing up to the practice facility... or did you? Either way, you’re no longer needed. 

Sincerely, the NFL

Lions vs Vikings 

Was I that drunk or did the Lions really fake miss a pass to themselves and let the Vikes run it into the endzone? *Smh* Boy I tell ya. 

Texans vs Broncos

What I really want to say: Denver’s coach gave Houston that win. 

*scrolls down easiest schedule*

What I’m told to say: Congrats Houston. On your sixth totally awesome win. The football world is yours! 

Saints vs Rams

Finally! A football game. Someone wise once said, “If there’s two teams that can take down the Rams, it’s the Saints and the Eagles.” Name a better matchup than these two teams. I’ll wait. This game did exactly what I told you it would, come down to which QB you have more faith in. One time for the GOAT, Mr. Brees himself. 

Packers vs Patriots 

I waited all week to see this game. I also fell asleep before half time. I expected more guys... 

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Texans vs. Vikings could have fans in attendance. Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images

The Houston Texans say it's time that fans were allowed to cheer on the home team at NRG Stadium. On Thursday, the team announced extensive safety protocols that would put 15,000 fans in the stands for the Week 4 game against the Minnesota Vikings on Oct. 4.

While the Texans are awaiting permission from city and county officials to host a limited number of fans - socially distant and wearing masks – no plans have been announced how much tickets will cost, and who'll have the opportunity to buy them.

You have to love the free enterprise system: hundreds of tickets for the Oct. 4 game already are on sale on secondary market websites. Lower bowl tickets are going for $800 and up. If you don't mind sitting in the nose bleeds, tickets can be had for around $250.

So the question becomes, if you had the chance, would you attend the Texans game in early October? The tickets are big bucks, and there is a whammy – COVID-19. While the rate of COVID-19 infections is on the decline in Houston, the virus remains a major factor in our daily lives, and there's no guarantee that the pandemic won't spike here again.

Here's the rub, at least for me. Of all the sports we have in Houston, a Texans game might be lowest on my wish list of attending in person. Television does NFL games the best. There are dozens of cameras, so when a receiver catches a pass on the sidelines, we get several views, in slow motion even, to see if the receiver's feet were in bounds. We can almost feel the crunch of a quarterback sack. We get highlights of other games. You don't have to sit next to a face painter like David Puddy.

The NFL is a made-for-TV production. Which is, I suspect, part of the reason the Texans rarely open the roof at NRG Stadium. With the roof closed, the field becomes a controlled TV studio, with no worries of weather pranks.

Television doesn't do basketball or baseball nearly as well. Conversely, the experience of attending those games is terrific fun. What beats eating a couple of dogs at an Astros game? Is there even a traditional food at NFL or NBA games?

The Texans promise that strict safety rules will be enforced. And I believe them. Fans will be scattered over the 67,000-seat stadium. I'm not sure how much of a home field advantage that will be. Most of the crowd noise will come from pre-recorded tapes.

Here's one worry. Sure fans will sit apart and socially distanced. But what will happen when the game is over? Will fans file out in orderly, non-contagious single file? I flew Southwest a few weeks ago. The airline makes a big deal – we don't sell the middle seat. Passengers kept their distance during the flight. When the landed, you know how it is, everybody got up and piled into the aisle, shoulder to shoulder for several minutes.

What will happen if some goofball takes off his/her mask during the Texans game? Will there be enough security to handle each case?

Baseball is planning to have some fans attend post-season games at Minute Maid Park next month. UH Cougars, the Dynamo and Dash are playing in front of small crowds. It remains to be seen how safe – or how risky – allowing fans at sports events will be.

Will parents let their kids attend? Is waiting for a vaccine the smart play? If President Trump is right, that could be only a matter of weeks away. If scientists and doctors are right, nestle in for pandemic life another year. Even if scientists do come up with a vaccine, how many Americans will roll up their sleeve? Some believe, in the case of COVID-19, the cure may be worse than the disease. Not me, the moment Dr. Fauci says the vaccine is safe and effective, I'm sprinting to CVS.

The thinnest of silver linings, if ever there was a year worth sitting out, 2020 has been it for Houston sports fans. The Astros are scratching to stay above .500 (their present position), Jose Altuve hasn't had an extra base hit or RBI in almost a month, and Justin Verlander is throwing bullpens on his way to recovery. The Rockets are searching for a new coach, and possibly another team willing to take Russell Westbrook in a trade. The Texans season could go either way, we'll know if a few short weeks.

Why the rush to fill stadiums? The NBA is thriving in a bubble. Why not baseball and football? There's a fine line between safe and sorry.

The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo already has safety plans for next year, including masks and distancing. That will be interesting. Good luck controlling crowds pushing and shoving for corn dogs and funnel cakes.

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