HOLLY SEYMOUR

An off-the-wall recap of Sunday's NFL action

An off-the-wall recap of Sunday's NFL action
Tom Brady can only be stopped by passing out and missing the game. Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images

It’s time for our Week 9 Recap. With the season half way over, this week wasn’t anything special. In fact, the noon games were the least intriguing that they have been all year. 

Niners vs Raiders

Raise your hand if you’ve ever watched film on someone named Nick Mullens. All right then. *sigh* 

Just when we thought the Steelers locker room was a reality TV disaster... Gruden with the “hold my beer” challenge accepted. 

Panthers vs Bucs 

Well. I see Fitzmagic left his pixie dust at home. You’re garbage Tampa, it’s a wrap. 

Dolphins vs Jets 

Wow. Just wow. This combined score was barely over two touchdowns. I’ve seen peewee football games put up more points. 

Bears vs Bills 

We’re just going to pull the plug on the Bills for the remainder of the season. Thank you for your dedication with the dildos and showing up to the practice facility... or did you? Either way, you’re no longer needed. 

Sincerely, the NFL

Lions vs Vikings 

Was I that drunk or did the Lions really fake miss a pass to themselves and let the Vikes run it into the endzone? *Smh* Boy I tell ya. 

Texans vs Broncos

What I really want to say: Denver’s coach gave Houston that win. 

*scrolls down easiest schedule*

What I’m told to say: Congrats Houston. On your sixth totally awesome win. The football world is yours! 

Saints vs Rams

Finally! A football game. Someone wise once said, “If there’s two teams that can take down the Rams, it’s the Saints and the Eagles.” Name a better matchup than these two teams. I’ll wait. This game did exactly what I told you it would, come down to which QB you have more faith in. One time for the GOAT, Mr. Brees himself. 

Packers vs Patriots 

I waited all week to see this game. I also fell asleep before half time. I expected more guys... 

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Kyle Tucker returns to Houston this weekend. Composite Getty Image.

Two first-place teams, identical records, and a weekend set with serious measuring-stick energy.

The Houston Astros and Chicago Cubs open a three-game series Friday night at Daikin Park, in what could quietly be one of the more telling matchups of the summer. Both teams enter at 48-33, each atop their respective divisions — but trending in slightly different directions.

The Astros have been red-hot, going 7-3 over their last 10 while outscoring opponents by 11 runs. They've done it behind one of the best pitching staffs in baseball, with a collective 3.41 ERA that ranks second in the American League. Houston has also been dominant at home, where they’ve compiled a 30-13 record — a stat that looms large heading into this weekend.

On the other side, the Cubs have held their ground in the NL Central but have shown some recent shakiness. They're 5-5 over their last 10 games and have given up 5.66 runs per game over that stretch. Still, the offense remains dangerous, ranking fifth in on-base percentage across the majors. Kyle Tucker leads the way with a .287 average, 16 homers, and 49 RBIs, while Michael Busch has been hot of late, collecting 12 hits in his last 37 at-bats.

Friday’s pitching matchup features Houston’s Brandon Walter (0-1, 3.80 ERA, 1.10 WHIP) and Chicago’s Cade Horton (3-1, 3.73 ERA, 1.29 WHIP), a promising young arm making one of his biggest starts of the season on the road. Horton will have his hands full with Isaac Paredes, who’s slugged 16 homers on the year, and Mauricio Dubón, who’s found a groove with four home runs over his last 10 games.

It’s the first meeting of the season between these two clubs — and if the trends continue, it may not be the last time they cross paths when it really counts.

BETMGM SPORTSBOOK LINE: Astros -112, Cubs -107; over/under is 8 1/2 runs

Here's a preview of Joe Espada's Game 1 lineup.

The first thing that stands out is rookie Cam Smith is hitting cleanup, followed by Jake Meyers. Victor Caratini is the DH and is hitting sixth. Christian Walker is all the way down at seventh, followed by Yainer Diaz, and Taylor Trammell who is playing left field.

How the mighty have fallen.

Pretty wild to see Walker and Diaz hitting this low in the lineup. However, it's justified, based on performance. Walker is hitting a pathetic .214 and Diaz is slightly better sporting a .238 batting average.

Screenshot via: MLB.com



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