BARRY LAMINACK

Ranking all 32 NFL teams by hateability

The coaching staff is just one reason to hate the Patriots. Elsa/Getty Images

At this time of year everyone has some kind of ranking published for all 32 NFL teams. I didn’t want to be left out, thus I bring to you the 32 NFL teams ranked by “hateability”.

Sure, I might have made up the word hateability, but I saw that somebody had done a likeability ranking a few years ago and I didn’t want to copy them.

So here are are 32 NFL teams ranked from least hated to most, and a quick reason why.

32) Cleveland Browns - You can’t hate them. Feel sorry for them? Sure. Hate? Naw.

31) Kansas City Chiefs - The Chiefs fans are really nice and Andy Reid seems like everyone’s favorite uncle.

30) Buffalo Bills - When you lose four super bowls, and then don’t do anything after that, nobody hates you, they just laugh at you.

29) Seattle Seahawks - Lucky for the Seahawks the departure of Richard Sherman has moved them way up the list. Of course, some people don’t like Pete Carroll, but those people are asses. Also, Russell Wilson seems cool.

28) Chicago Bears - Sweetness, the Refrigerator and the Super Bowl Shuffle made everyone a Bears fan, despite Jim McMahon being a total tool.

27) Jacksonville Jaguars - They burst on the scene as an expansion franchise and then sucked for a long time, but with a killer defense and running attack it’s safe to say that nobody gives a bleep about the Jags.

26) Indianapolis Colts - If you hate Andrew Luck you probably hate babies, kittens and old people.

25) Miami Dolphins - Dan Marino made everyone a Dolphins fan. Of course everyone hated them for the two years that Nick Saban was their coach, but that was only temporary.

24) Atlanta Falcons - It’s not that people hate the Falcons, it’s just that nobody likes a choker.

23) Green Bay Packers - You would think that a team with such a winning tradition would be more hated, but everyone loves cheese and beer and that’s what most of the fans bodies are made of. They would be higher on the list if Jim McMahon hadn’t played there in 1995 and 1996.

22) New Orleans Saints - The Saints sucked for so long we all just got used to feeling sorry for them.

21) Houston Texans - Speaking of feeling sorry for a team…

20) San Francisco 49ers - A lot of reasons to like this team but they tumbled down this list after adding Richard Sherman.

19) Arizona Cardinals - Nobody cares enough about the Cardinals to hate them. They’d probably be higher but Jim McMahon played for them in 1994.

18) Denver Broncos - Everyone loves John Elway and Peyton Manning. Also, they have cool colors and you can get high during the game.

17) Baltimore Ravens - Lets be real, the average person probably hates this team because of Ray Rice, but they should hate them because of that stupid pregame dance Ray Lewis did for years.

16) Los Angeles Rams - The greatest show on turf was pretty fun to watch, but even their own fans don’t care enough to bother going to the games. It’s not really hate it’s more apathy with this squad.

15) Tennessee Titans - Bud Adams was a horrible owner, but most people outside of Houston didn’t care about that. That said, just about everyone grew to hate Jeff Fisher.

14) Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Hard Knocks made people like this team a bit more than they probably should. Winston is really easy to hate, especially after watching him eat all those Ws. In fact, this might not be low enough after rewatching.

13) Carolina Panthers - Cam is prone to a hissy fit after a loss. Nobody likes a hissy fit.

12) Minnesota Vikings - Purple is ugly (sorry Prince...RIP). Also, Jim McMahon played for the Vikings (1993) so that’s enough of a reason to hate them.

11) Detroit Lions - People love Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson, but the fact that this crap team is forced down our throats every Thanksgiving makes everyone hate them.

10) New York Jets - Most people only hate the Jets because they are in New York. Case in point, if they were the St. Louis Jets, nobody would care about this team enough to hate them.

9) Los Angeles Chargers - A lot of folks don’t like Phillip Rivers, and that’s fine. But the real reason people hate the Chargers? Jim McMahon played for them (1989).

8) New York Giants - I think most people feel sorry for Eli Manning because he looks like he’s lost all the time, but the real reason people hate the Giants is ODB. And also, because they play in in a different state, despite being called the NEW YORK Giants, they play in New Jersey.

7) Cincinnati Bengals - Boomer Esiason was easy to hate, but so was Pack Man Jones, and all of the legal problems the Bengals players have had over the years.

6) Oakland Raiders - I’ll probably get death threats from their fans just for having them this low, but my goodness, just pick a city to play in already (and stay there). Also Gruden in the booth calling games is great, Gruden on the sidelines calling plays is a jerk.

5) Pittsburgh Steelers - Everyone hates winners, and this franchise has done plenty of that. Big Ben’s off the field trouble didn’t help, but Mike Tomlin seems like a good dude, so this could be worse.

4) Washington Redskins - Dan Gilbert is a d bag; plus the name is offensive to plenty of people.

3) Dallas Cowboys - Two words:  Michael Irvin. Two more words, Dez Bryant. Last two words: fan base.

2) Philadelphia Eagles - Their fans booed a baby and called an old lady the C word. As if that wasn’t enough, Jim McMahon played there for 3 years (1990-1992).

1) New England Patriots - Oh boy, where do I begin. The coach? The owner? The QB? The bro at tight end? The Cheating? The winning? The success? The fans? All equally great reasons to hate this team.

Most Popular

SportsMap Emails
Are Awesome

Listen Live

Willson Contreras could give the Astros some extra pop in the lineup. Composite image by Brandon Strange.

“The Hot Stove League” is the nickname given to Major League Baseball's offseason. In particular, the free agent signing period in late November/early December. Trades are also made during this period. Now that Astros' owner Jim Crane has ousted all opposition to his idea of how things should be run, he's free to do things the way he sees fit.

He opened it by not hiring a general manager to replace James Click. Instead, he opted for a committee of assistant GMs. Those guys are assisted by some special advisors, like former Astros great Jeff Bagwell. Crane likes and wants to take a big swing at things. He'd probably hit about .250 with 30-plus home runs every season. Can't leave out his guaranteed 80-100 strikeouts. Typical power hitter. It's all or nothing, except Crane has been making great contact and knocking some things out of the park.

Signing Jose Abreu was an example. Yuli Gurriel looked as if he was losing the battle with “Father Time” during the regular season. This was an insurance policy at first, and designated hitter. Another prime example is their reported interest in C/DH/LF Willson Contreras. His bat would be a major upgrade over past Astro catchers. Although Martin Maldonado may not be going anywhere, having a quality bat to relieve him is key. Add the fact that he plays some outfield, and he's almost a “two birds with one stone” type of signing.

Abreu may be 35 years old, but he's coming off a year hitting .304 with 15 home runs. Contreras may be the younger of the two at 30, but his .243 average hurts the fact that he hit 22 home runs. Both sport an OPS above .800 for their careers. Bagwell said he wants Yordan Alvarez to play left field 45% of the time. The other 55% can be Contreras, Chas McCormick (assuming Jake Meyers is still in the mix for center field), and whoever else they sign or bring up from Sugar Land. When Contreras isn't in left, he needs to be behind the plate or hitting DH. I'd really love the idea of him sitting under Maldonado's learning tree for a year and taking over catcher long-term. Not many can be the catcher "Machete" is, but hitting 50 points better than him has its advantages.

Then there's the reported interest other teams have in Justin Verlander. Supposedly, the Mets have met with him via Zoom. The Dodgers are interested and are seemingly the leaders in the clubhouse to sign him. However, I wouldn't count Crane and crew out. He may come to JV last minute and offer him something comparable in order to keep him around. He strikes me as the type of guy who'll keep his plays close to the vest, then make a Godfather type of offer. He negotiated Verlander's last deal with the team himself. Coming off a World Series win, Cy Young win, and opting out of said deal, Verlander is most likely looking to get one final payday that'll also land him on a contender.

Having a winner is one thing. Having a winner committed to winning long-term is another. Crane wants to strike while the iron is hot. Sure, he wants his franchise to be sustainable. But he also wants to keep the World Series window open as long as possible. Kyle Tucker's next deal will be one to watch. Having an embarrassment of riches on the pitching staff means you have trade bait. Keep an eye on old Jimmy Crane. I think he might be the best thing to hit Houston sports in quite some time.

SportsMap Emails
Are Awesome