The Couch Slouch
Reviewing an old problem: NFL replay remains a joke
Jan 13, 2020, 6:55 am
Getty Images
Al Riveron
Note to Readers: The bad news? This will be my 38th column on replay since 1986. The good news? When I get to my 40th, I will retire to an elder care facility in suburban Monte Carlo that has eight bowling lanes, two air hockey tables and a vending machine that sells Bugles.
To be fair, replay as an officiating tool remains only the fifth-worst global problem, behind climate change, world hunger, the decline of American exceptionalism and the inability to find anything you like when clothes shopping.
It is an endless procession of did-he-or-didn't-he moments to examine:
Did he cross the goal line? Are his feet in or out on the sideline? Did he maintain possession through the process of the catch? Did his knee hit the ground before he fumbled? Did the ball hit the ground after he caught it? Was the quarterback's arm going forward?
My goodness, President Trump won't even release his tax returns – how can we be reviewing THIS RUBBISH?
This remains a rabbit hole from which we can never dig out.
Life is always better when you just let it happen. We shouldn't take photos of our food when it's served, we shouldn't analyze sunsets and waterfalls, we shouldn't review where the official spots the ball on a third-and-six completion that goes for 5¾ yards.
The NFL put in a replay rule change this season to deal with exactly what transpired in New Orleans a weekend ago – the last play of a postseason game, on a decisive touchdown in which an apparent offensive pass interference went uncalled, and they did not even review it.
That's like installing a metal detector at a nightclub and letting "Wild Bill" Hickock walk through the front door without turning it on.
It was such an obvious push-off by Kyle Rudolph, it shoved me off my own sofa.
By the way, if they had overturned it, what a mess. You have this dramatic, overtime-ending touchdown pass. You have half the Minnesota Vikings streaming across the field with helmets off to celebrate with Rudolph, and the other half sprinting into the locker room. And then, several minutes later, you have The Eye in the Sky bellowing:
"Offensive pass interference. No touchdown. Players, please return to the huddle. Fans, please return to your seats."
And who would determine this? NFL officiating czar Al Riveron.
Al Riveron? Who is this guy? He has more power than a Supreme Court justice and is more mysterious than The Man in the Iron Mask. Remember in "The Wizard of Oz," the Wizard was just some small chap behind a curtain? Well, Riveron is just some middle-aged fella on a Park Avenue BarcaLounger watching a bank of screens while guzzling Bud Light with clicker in hand.
He decides the fate of all NFL games?
This is insanity.
Just play the game, make the calls, move on.
You're cooking a three-egg omelette. You drop one of the eggs. You just get another egg out of the fridge and call Daisy in to lick the yolk off the kitchen floor. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
You're bowling. Your buddy may or may not be going over the foul line when releasing the ball. So what? You buy him another Yuengling and a corn dog. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
You have a fender bender on the 405. You yell for a bit, argue briefly with the other motorist, then exchange insurance information and get back into the car. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
You are married. Then you go to family court, and you are no longer married. Do you make a big stink about it? Negative. You go home, you lick your wounds, you get back on the Tinder horse. No replay.
Play the game, make the calls, move on.
I am constantly told: The genie is out of the bottle, there is no going back. Really? Why not? This genie is unsightly, unworthy and unneeded. Costco lets you return any merchandise for any reason – what, we can't stuff this demonic spirit back into the decanter and send it out to sea?
I'd watch that replay again and again.
Ask the Slouch
Q. The Los Angeles Dodgers signed pitcher Jimmy Nelson to a one-year $1.25 million contract, with as much as $13 million (!) in incentives if he lasts two years. What incentives did you offer Toni for your marriage to last this long? (Jim Tise; Bethesda, Md.)
A. Every time Toni makes it six months, I promised her she would not have to speak to me for the next six months.
Q.I learned that "Bachelor" star Jade Roper Tolbert "won" $1 million on DraftKings' Millionaire Maker daily fantasy contest, and "may" have "colluded" with her husband Tanner on their 300 combined entries. I really don't have a question. (Mitchell Shapiro; Rockville, Md.)
A. I really don't have an answer then. P.S. No question, no 10 bits.
Q. Is it true that Queen Elizabeth plans to use the franchise tag to keep Prince Harry? (Terry Golden; Vienna, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
How latest reports abruptly shift Houston Astros rotation x-factors
Mar 18, 2024, 7:23 pm
Bruce Bochy doesn’t ever want the Texas Rangers to let go of those memories of their first World Series title.
“We just don’t want to lean on them,” said Bochy, whose first season with the Rangers ended with the first World Series championship for the 63-year-old franchise, and his fourth as a big league manager.
While Texas has the opportunity to be the first team in a quarter-century to win back-to-back world championships — the New York Yankees were the last, with three in a row from 1998-2000 — the Rangers aren’t even defending champs in their own division.
And they aren’t favored to win the AL West this season.
Houston is again the odds-on favorite in the division it has won each of the last six full MLB seasons since the Rangers finished on top in 2016. The Astros won their regular season finale last Oct. 1, matched Texas at 90-72 and won the AL West since they were 9-4 head-to-head.
The Astros have made the AL Championship Series the past seven seasons, even when not division champs in the 2020 season shortened to 60 games because of the pandemic. They made four trips to the Fall Classic and won two titles in that span.
Dusty Baker retired days after Houston lost ALCS Game 7 at home to the Rangers last fall, finishing with 2,183 wins over 26 seasons as a big league manager with five teams.
New Astros manager Joe Espada, their bench coach for six seasons, is certainly familiar with a lineup that has big hitters Jose Altuve, Yordan Alvarez, Alex Bregman and Kyle Tucker, and a loaded starting rotation.
Espada isn't the division's only new manager. Ron Washington, who took the Rangers to their previous World Series in 2010 and 2011, was hired by the Angels, who still have Mike Trout but not two-way star Shohei Ohtani, now with the other team in Los Angeles.
Seattle again revamped its roster without big spending in free agency and hopes for a quicker return to the playoffs. The Mariners missed by one game last season, a year after its first postseason appearance since 2001.
And just like last year, the Athletics go into another season not knowing if it will be their last in Oakland.
HOW THEY PROJECT1. Houston Astros. Three-time Cy Young Award winner Justin Verlander, reacquired in a deadline trade last July, will start this season on the injured list. But the 41-year-old’s IL stint is expected to be a short one. The Astros still have lefty Framber Valdez (12-11, 2.45 ERA, 200 strikeouts and a no-hitter) and right-hander Cristian Javier. Eight-time All-Star second baseman Altuve signed a new $125 million, five-year contract that goes through 2029. But two-time All-Star third baseman Bregman, the only other position player to make all seven ALCS trips, is at the end of a $100 million deal.
2. Texas Rangers. After going from six losing seasons in a row to a World Series title, the Rangers should be playoff contenders again. They return ALCS MVP Adolis García and most of the lineup that hit 233 homers and scored an AL-high 5.4 runs per game. But World Series MVP and AL MVP runner-up shortstop Corey Seager (sports hernia), Gold Glove first baseman Nathaniel Lowe (oblique strain) and All-Star third baseman Josh Jung (calf) missed significant time in the spring. All-Star right-hander Nathan Eovaldi tops a rotation still missing injured multiple Cy Young Award winners Max Scherzer and Jacob deGrom.
3. Seattle Mariners. The front office put together a roster that might be better than last year, but everybody has to stay healthy. Seattle should be better offensively with the additions of Mitch Garver, Mitch Haniger, Jorge Polanco and Luke Raley to go with young superstar Julio Rodriguez. If J.P. Crawford can replicate last season at the plate and Ty France returns to his 2021-22 form, the lineup will be deeper. Couple a better offense with one of the best rotations in baseball led by Luis Castillo, George Kirby and Logan Gilbert, the Mariners should once again contend in the division.
4. Los Angeles Angels. They feel like they’re starting over yet again and still haven't been to the playoffs since 2014. Ohtani left after six seasons for a record $700 million with the perennially contending Dodgers. The Halos added almost nothing in free agency, only revamping their bullpen again and taking low-cost flyers on Aaron Hicks and Miguel Sano. Trout and Anthony Rendon are back, and an open DH spot will allow them to rest their injury-prone bodies more regularly. Their rotation is last year’s group minus Ohtani. The 71-year-old Washington brings a unique blend of expertise and enthusiasm, which should benefit an exciting crop of young talent ready to break through in the majors.
5. Oakland Athletics. This could be the final season playing at the Coliseum with a lease set to expire. So the A's are still trying to figure out where they will play beyond this year with a new ballpark and move to Las Vegas scheduled for 2028. Manager Mark Kotsay has been committed to keeping his team focused on what it can do to be better on the field after two years with a combined 214 losses (112 last season). The A’s acquired Ross Stripling from the San Francisco Giants and added Alex Wood to the rotation.
OLD SKIPPERSWhen the 74-year-old Baker retired, Bochy became the oldest manager in the majors. That lasted only a few weeks until the Angels hired Washington. Bochy will turn 69 on April 16, just 13 days before Washington turns 72. Bochy, with 2,093 wins going into his 27th season, is one of six managers with four World Series titles, his first three coming in San Francisco (2010, 2012 and 2014). Washington won a franchise-record 664 games in eight seasons with Texas from 2007-14. He was on Atlanta's staff the past seven years, and part of the Braves' 2021 World Series title.
RELIEF HELPSeveral new relievers are in the AL West, including hard-throwing lefty Josh Hader with the Astros, veteran right-hander David Robertson and former All-Star closer Kirby Yates in Texas, Gregory Santos and Ryne Stanek in Seattle and Robert Stephenson with the Angels.
Hader's $95 million, five-year deal was the biggest after becoming a first-time free agent. The 29-year-old, once in the Astros' minor league system, turned down a $20,325,000 qualifying offer from San Diego.