Every-Thing Sports

Rockets answers to real life issues

Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

The Rockets are an organization in a bit of turmoil right now. They've tried and failed the last few years to defeat the Warriors. The trade for Chris Paul and experiment of pairing him with James Harden appears to have fallen apart given the rumors of tension between the two. General manager Daryl Morey has been dangling every player that doesn't wear a number 13 jersey in the trade market. He also did a press tour to downplay the CP3/Harden alleged beef. Couple that with the fact that the Rockets are known for sending reports to the league on their losses and complaining when things don't go their way

They lived up to said reputation after Harden came in second to Giannis Antetokounmpo for league MVP this year.The team's verified Twitter account sent a tweet expressing their disappointment with Harden not winning. It amounted to reasons why Harden should've won instead of The Greek Freak. This was yet another chapter in why people think the Rockets are the annoying little brother of the NBA. It got me to thinking: what if the Rockets were a person and handled real life situations the way they handle rejection? Here's what I came up with:

A cheating partner/spouse

Look, I'm not even that mad. Over the year we've been together, you've gained too much weight, your cooking is terrible now, and you're about as clean as pig sty. Besides, I've been in talks with several other suitors to trade you in for the 2020 version and a future first rounder.

Getting exposed after sliding into Tim Donaghy's DMs

I never slid into Donaghy's DMs! This is ridiculous! I was clearly hacked. I would never DM someone like this! (sees screenshots of the DMs) This is Adam Silver's fault. Had he simply reversed the decision of the game after we submitted evidence of impropriety, we wouldn't have been this desperate to allegedly DM Donaghy. I only did so as a fact-finding mission to get his thoughts on officiating after our unfortunate game 7 loos to the Warriors in the 2018 Western Conference Finals because there's clearly an agenda in favor of the Warriors.

Getting a disconnect notice for the electric bill

Guys, can you work with me here? I'm trying to deal with the mortgage, home insurance, several car payments, and all the other bills. I tell you what, I'll give you half of the bill now and 10% of the remaining balance every other month over the course of ten months along with the bill due each month.

Car shopping

I see the sticker price and I know the deal you said you can give me as far as a discount is concerned. What I want to know is are you willing to take this 1978 Datsun pickup, the 1966 Mustang, $300 dollars, and a monthly payment of $124.62 for 120 months for this 2019 sports car? With some work on the rust spots, a new interior, new seats, and a new engine, the pickup and Mustang will be worth more because they're classics! I'm giving you a steal of a deal here!

As you can see, I think the way this organization handles things is a complete joke. From the way they make excuses for screwups, to the way they coddle players, even the way they go about making trades. The Rockets are like the entitled kid who grew up privileged and believes they should always get their way no matter what. They feel as though they're the smartest person in every room (Morey) and can out-think any and everyone. That is until they've backed themselves into a corner (Chris Paul and Clint Capela contracts) and can't find a way out. The constant excuse making, placing blame, and crying over spilled milk has gotten really old. It's time for them to put on their big boy underwear and get to work. Accept your successes and failures with the same energy. Some things you won't be able to change, and the things you can, do so positively. Here's to hoping the Rockets will grow up and finally act their age instead of pissing the bed and blaming their parents.

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Yordan Alvarez came up big in Game 5. Composite image by Jack Brame.

The Astros can win the pennant Friday night. Can't dangle the carrot any closer in front of the face than that. Taking the last two games at Fenway Park has the Astros in excellent position, but any notion that a third American League championship in five years is now inevitable, is silly. The Astros are probably 80 percent or better to advance, but of course the Red Sox could win games six and seven at Minute Maid Park à la the Nationals in the World Series two years ago. The Astros had all the momentum after winning three straight in D.C., came home for the coronation, and pfffft. You have momentum...until you don't. It's nothing to bank on. The Red Sox had all the "mo" after clobbering the Astros in games two and three of this AL championship series. Then Jose Altuve crushed the eighth inning tying home run in game four, ahead of the seven run volcanic eruption of a ninth inning. Nine more Astro runs later in game five, and here we are.

One key distinction that makes the Astros hand look stronger up 3-2 now than vs. the Nats, the Red Sox don't have Stephen Strasburg and Max Scherzer ready to pitch. Like Framber Valdez vs. Chris Sale in game five, game six is another starting pitching rematch. Alvin native Nathan Eovaldi grossly outpitched Luis Garcia in game two. We'll see if Sox manager Alex Cora winds up regretting even more using Eovaldi to start the fateful game four ninth inning. Eovaldi only threw 24 pitches, but three nights later we'll see what and how much he has in the tank.

After pitching horribly against the White Sox and then the Red Sox, and then citing a sore knee, Luis Garcia is his own huge question mark. So was Valdez before Wednesday spinning one of the great postseason pitching performances in Astros' history. Framber was awful in each of his first two postseason starts, absolutely magnificent in cruising through eight innings in game five. Should the Sox force Game Seven, Valdez certainly is a relief option on two days rest. Jose Urquidy would start, opposite Eduardo Rodriguez in a game three rematch.

Valdez and the Astros hope his next outing is Tuesday night in game one of the World Series. Ideally, at Minute Maid Park against the Atlanta Braves. Alas, the defending champion Dodgers remain alive and kicking, having won their fourth do or die game already in this postseason to send the National League Championship Series back to Atlanta. Now, if somehow we knew as fact that the Astros are going to win the World Series, I'd estimate approximately 99 percent of Astros' fans would prefer to beat L.A. Since we don't know that the Astros are going to win it all, getting the Braves would be more favorable for the Astros, if for no other reason than the Astros would get home-field advantage. Should the Braves make it, among other factoids Charlie Morton would be in his third World Series with three different teams in the last five seasons (Astros in 2017, Rays last year, Braves this). If the Braves can close out the Dodgers Saturday, Morton is Atlanta's likely game one starter at MMP. Provided the Astros are the AL Champs of course.

Watt a matchup for the Texans

The Texans play at Arizona Sunday. Yeah, and? You imagine that J.J. Watt and DeAndre Hopkins find the two team's current situations amusing? The Texans are a 1-5 stink bomb that will keep on stinking. The Cardinals are 6-0 and an emerging Super Bowl contender. While Deshaun Watson continues collecting about 600 thousand dollars per week to do nothing (and waiting to become a Miami Dolphin?), Kyler Murray has made the leap to upper echelon NFL quarterback.

Buzzer Beaters:

1. Decisions, decisions. Astros-Red Sox game 6 or Rockets home opener vs. Thunder. Tough call?

2. The Rockets will regularly be overmatched and probably lose 55 games or more again this season. At least they have young talent to offer some hope. The Texans presently have near nothing.

3. Best 2021 Astros' postseason journey signature food: Bronze-Atlanta/Los Angeles, anything? Silver-Chicago, deep dish pizza Gold-Boston, lobster roll

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