JOHN GRANATO

So many things are not my job

A lot of things are not people's jobs. Joe Robbins/Getty Images

In the wake of Bill O’Brien’s now famous utterance of “It’s not my job” (and make no mistake about it, this will never leave him, it will always be part of his resume, quite possibly the first thing we think of when we refer to him) I’ve put together a list of jobs people don’t have.

Serena Williams: It’s not my job to not totally lose my mind and create a non-gender issue into one

Baltimore Orioles: It’s not my job to not suck as badly as any team ever.

Nathan Peterman: It’s not my job to be able to play well to last more than a half in a football game

Cleveland Browns: It’s not our job to win the turnover battle by 5 and win the football game.

Cam Newton: It’s not my job to listen to females talkin’ ‘bout routes

Matt Ryan: It’s not my job to throw a touchdown pass to Julio Jones

Jamie Lannister: It’s not my job to not smash my sister

Urban Meyer: It’s not my job to be a decent human being

Nick Saban: (See Urban Meyer)

Ed Orgeron: It’s not my job to speak English

Tom Herman: It’s not my job to beat mediocre programs like Maryland

Alex Bregman: It’s not my job to make an out

Raheel Ramzanali: It’s not my job to dress like a heterosexual male

Del Olaleye: It’s not my job to like people

Joel Blank: It’s not my job to like AJ Hoffman

AJ Hoffman: It’s not my job to keep any thought I have about anyone to myself

John Granato: It’s not my job to stay sober

 

This article originally appeared on CultureMap.


The headline induced heart palpations in drive-thru burger fans across Texas and neighboring states … "Texas-based Whataburger sells to new owner amid expansion plans." While that sounds unsettling, the real concern is:

What does this mean to Whataburger's everyday (sometimes twice-a-day) customer in Texas?

In the immediate future — like tomorrow, next week, next year — probably very little. But in the long run, all bets are off. Most likely, there will be significant changes at your local Whataburger over the next three to five years.

Whataburger is now owned by a private equity company (Chicago's BDT Capital Partners), which may not know a Chop House Cheddar Burger from a Whatacatch Sandwich — and doesn't understand that when you're stuck in morning traffic on I-45, nothing beats a Honey Butter Chicken Biscuit.

That investment company bought Whataburger for only one reason: to make money. Shocking, that's what investment companies do. They are not fast food philanthropists. They're financial killers who want to see a return on their investment.

What's next?

So don't be surprised if they take Whataburger national. That's my big takeaway. It may mean Whataburger may have less Texas on its menu in the future.

The new owners are buying a very successful or stagnant company, depending on how you crunch the numbers. According to QSR Magazine, the bible of the fast food industry, Whataburger is only the No. 22 fast food chain in the U.S. — with total sales of $2.2 billion for its 821 restaurants across 10 states.

But, more important, Whataburger has the second highest sales per store, $2.7 million. That beats the average McDonald's, Taco Bell, Burger King, Wendy's, etc. — the whole bunch of national biggies. Only Chick-fil-A has higher sales per store, a printing press $4 million.

What a deal?

If Whataburger is so successful on a per-store basis, why did the owners sell? Two factors, one probably, one definitely. In Godfather terms, the investment company probably made them an offer they couldn't refuse. While Whataburger has phenomenal sales per unit, it was growing at a very slow rate — only 15 new restaurants in 2017. That same year, Chick-fil-A opened 140 new restaurants. Taco Bell opened 168 new units. Domino's expanded by 216 locations. Popeyes popped the lid on 147 places.

Continue reading on CultureMap to learn about how the rising price of beef could impact burger chains.

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