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Frank Lloyd Wright once said, "Tip the world over on its side and everything will land in Los Angeles."
(Why not Sacramento?)
LeBron James landed last year, followed this year by Anthony Davis, Kawhi Leonard and Paul George.
When you say "La La Land" now, one "La" is for the Lakers and the other "La" is for the Clippers.
Staples Center is no longer big enough for the two of them – the Clippers intend to move to the Lakers' old stomping grounds in Inglewood, with a new arena planned for 2024 down the street from the Great Western Forum.
The NBA traditionally is divided into the Western and Eastern Conferences. But in 2019-20, it is now divided into Los Angeles and Points East.
(By the way, if everything did land in Sacramento, I'd be able to get to In-N-Out Burger quicker.)
Anyhow, here's a not-quite-comprehensive look at the new NBA season:
* Let's get this nasty replay-as-an-officiating-tool business expanding again out of the way first. NBA coaches this season have the right to challenge one call per game (on limited situations), plus replay can now be triggered by the NBA Replay Center in Secaucus, N.J., without the involvement of the game referees.
Here's a thought: One day the NBA Replay Center might also handle pass-interference disputes for NFL games being played at the same time as NBA games.
* Memo to the Brooklyn Nets: You are one short of a dynamic duo. Sure, everyone is excited by the arrival of Irving and Kevin Durant. Except Durant will miss the entire season; as a rule, I like my $164 million superstars to be ready to play within, oh, three months or so of joining the team. And when Durant does return in 2020-21, he might be a shadow of his former self. Take it from me: I've been a shadow of my former self since 1993, and it's not a pretty sight.
* The cheesesteak contingent says this is the year The Process leads to The Finals for the Philadelphia 76ers. Uh, no. Yes, Ben Simmons hit a three-point shot in preseason, another wacky and inexplicable effect of climate change. And, yes, the Toronto Raptors lost Leonard and the Boston Celtics lost Irving. But The Process remains an irrevocably corrupt, contaminated, contemptible entity, and it will never be rewarded.
* James Harden, you remember Russell. Russell Westbrook, you remember James. This could be the greatest pairing since Simon & Garfunkel. Or it could be the biggest flop since the AOL-Time Warner merger. Whether it's a tour de force or a train wreck, watching the Houston Rockets alone is the worth the price of NBA League Pass.
* If you are a disgruntled L.A. fan, you might want to latch onto the New Orleans Pelicans – they have ex-Lakers Lonzo Ball, Josh Hart and Brandon Ingram, plus ex-Clipper J.J. Redick (and the head coach is ex-Clippers assistant Alvin Gentry). And why stop there? Why not move to New Orleans? Less traffic, lower taxes, no Kardashians.
* The Golden State Warriors have moved into a new arena, but they forgot to bring most of their team. Gone: Durant, DeMarcus Cousins, Andre Iguodala, Shaun Livingston and, until he is healthy, Klay Thompson. Was it something Steve Kerr said? No – life happens. And as long as Stephen Curry is still in town, the Warriors are still happening.
* Let's be very, very honest about the Dallas Mavericks. The only reason to mildly root for the team the past 20-odd years was Dirk Nowitzki; the main reason to root against the Mavs was Mark Cuban. Nowitzki is gone, Cuban is not. Case closed.
* With column space at a premium these days, Couch Slouch cannot justify writing lengthy items on the New York Knicks and the Washington Wizards. They always stink.
* A billion Chinese people can't be wrong, can they? In A Few Good Men, Col. Nathan Jessup shouted, "You [messed] with the wrong Marine!" Well, Adam Silver, you [messed] with the wrong regime!
Ask The Slouch
Q. Several years ago, you ran a question that said, "If Dan Snyder really loved the R*dsk*ns, wouldn't it make more sense for him to have bought the Cowboys and run that franchise into the ground?" If you print that one again, I will send you $1.25. (Doug Pratt; Kensington, Md.)
A. You really should send the buck-and-a-quarter to Jeff Brown of Arlington, Va., who submitted that gem.
Q.If replay review had been afforded to either of your first two wives at the ceremonies, would the "I do" have been reversed to "I don't"? (Jack Drury; Cumberland, Md.)
A. Actually, I believe one of them did try to back out on our wedding day without the benefit of replay.
Q. Is it true that the NCAA was fully supportive of the "pay to play" idea until they couldn't agree on how much the players should be charged? (Steve Cullen; Richmond, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q.Does the signature of Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross on player paychecks constitute written proof of attempting to fix NFL games? (Mike Soper; Washington, D.C.)
A. Pay this wise soul, too.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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The Houston Astros (20-19) are just 4–6 over their last 10 games, but the numbers tell a more encouraging story. Despite the record, Houston is slowly but surely gaining ground in the AL West, sitting just two games back with a division-best +21 run differential. The standings may not fully reflect it yet, but the Astros are showing clear signs of being on the other side of their early offensive struggles.
Through the first month and change, the team’s season-long offensive stats still look pedestrian—14th in OPS (.697), 21st in slugging (.375), 20th in runs scored (163), and just 25th in home runs (33). But zoom in on the last 15 games, and the picture shifts dramatically.
In that span, the Astros have quietly put together one of the most productive offenses in baseball. And that's with Yordan Alvarez and Jose Altuve missing time due to injury. Houston ranks 4th in OPS (.805), 6th in slugging (.442), 7th in runs (64), and 5th in doubles (22). For a team with playoff expectations, that kind of turnaround is exactly what fans have been hoping for.
The resurgence has been powered in part by rising bats in the middle of the lineup. Christian Walker, who looked stuck in a rut early on, has caught fire over the past week, hitting .385 with a .500 slugging percentage over his last 7 games. Yainer Diaz is heating up too, hitting .310 with a .448 slug over that same stretch. Zoom out a little further, and Diaz has been even better—.339 average and .559 slugging over his last 15 games. His bat is starting to match the hype.
On the mound, the Astros have had their share of turbulence, particularly in Lance McCullers Jr.’s rocky return. Saturday’s 13–9 loss to the Reds underscored some of those struggles. McCullers failed to escape the first inning, giving up walks and hitting a batter before allowing a barrage of hits. Across his two starts since returning from injury, the right-hander has walked three batters and hit one in each outing.
Even so, Houston's pitching remains a strength overall. The Astros rank 8th in team ERA and lead the majors in WHIP (1.14), while holding opponents to the second-lowest batting average (.213). The bullpen, in particular, has been nails. Steven Okert, Josh Hader, Bryan Abreu, and Brian King have all posted ERAs of 1.59 or lower, keeping games within reach when starters falter.
There’s still work to do, and the standings don’t lie. But if the last two weeks are any indication, Houston is turning the corner. The bats are waking up, the bullpen is elite, and the rotation has room to get healthy and sharper. It might not show up in the win column just yet, but make no mistake—the Astros are trending in the right direction.
We have so much more to discuss. Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!
The MLB season is finally upon us! Join Brandon Strange, Josh Jordan, and Charlie Pallilo for the Stone Cold ‘Stros podcast which drops each Monday afternoon, with an additional episode now on Thursday!
*ChatGPT assisted.
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