THE COUCH SLOUCH
The Slouch looks at the rest of the NBA season (plus another Astros-related Q&A)
Feb 17, 2020, 7:09 am
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As is our annual tradition at the NBA all-star break, Couch Slouch looks ahead to the remainder of the season – laced with remarkable perspicacity* – at no additional cost to you, the reader.
Yes, I will provide the acumen of subscription-based The Athletic and the access of pricey NBA League Pass…ALL FOR FREE.
Let's do it!
It used to be, "NBA Action, It's FANtastic." Now it's, "NBA Action, Bombs Away!" For much of NBA history, a basket was worth two points. In 1979, they decided that some baskets – from longer distances – would be three points. Then more recently, some analytic smart alecks figured out that three-point baskets were worth one more point than two-point baskets, so let's just make three-point baskets.
The game has changed.
The Milwaukee Bucks' 7-foot center, Brook Lopez, has taken more three-point shots this season (242) than two-point shots (234). The Dallas Mavericks' Kristaps Porzingis, at 7-foot-3, is the tallest man on the floor, yet he has taken almost as many three-pointers (277) as two-pointers (362).
We have evolved from those Pistons'-Bad-Boys, Pat-Riley-with-the-Knicks 88-85 slugfests of the late 1980s and early '90s to the current-day 128-126 playground skirmishes. The games have gone from rugby matches to the Ice Capades.
The fast-break layup has morphed into the fast-break 23-footer.
There is feasibly a middle ground between 88-85 and 128-126; I don't know what that exact number would be, but I always vote for the middle ground.
Three cheers for Ben Simmons, the three-ball contrarian. The multi-skilled Philadelphia 76ers' point guard will not do what everyone wants him to do – take three-point shots. You know how some kids have a mental block about math? Simmons has a mental block about three-pointers.
In his first two NBA seasons, Simmons did not make a three-pointer, attempting only 17 of them. This season he is two-for-six from beyond the arc.
You be you, Ben, two points at a time.
I stand with Simmons: Years ago, newspaper editors insisted I write longer articles with bigger words. No way, I told them – I write short and I use one-syllable words. And I'm still here.
(* "Perspicacity" is a rare exception.)
If it were up to Gregg Popovich, no one would ever take a 25-foot shot. One of the NBA's greatest coaches ever and one of the most severe critics of three-ball, Popovich is in danger of having two remarkable streaks end: In 22 full seasons of helming the San Antonio Spurs, he has never had a losing record and never missed the postseason.
"I've hated the three for 20 years," Popovich said in 2018. At the moment the Spurs are 28th out of 30 NBA teams in three-point shots made and 29th in three-pointers attempted.
The Spurs are 23-31 – five games out of a playoff spot – and their best chance might be to petition the league for transfer into the Eastern Conference.
As usual, the Eastern Conference should be quarantined. The 19-38 Detroit Pistons have a better chance of making the East playoffs than the 33-22 Oklahoma Thunder and 33-22 Dallas Mavericks have of earning home-court advantage in the West playoffs.
Then again, the Pistons also have a better chance of making the playoffs than Ben Simmons does of ever making another three-point shot.
The Golden State Warriors have gone from penthouse to outhouse, three points at a time. Many folks – I am not among them – are delighted that the Warriors, after five straight NBA Finals appearances with consecutive seasons of 67-15, 73-9, 67-15, 58-24 and 57-25, currently have an NBA-worst 12-43 record.
Enjoy it while you can.
Next season, aside from a core of young talent and the likely No. 1 overall pick in the draft, the Warriors will also have all-star Draymond Green, plus the return of the NBA's greatest three-point-shooting back court ever, Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson.
Zion Williamson is the real deal. But he's only taking one three-pointer per game. DO THE MATH, son: 3 > 2.
Ask The Slouch - Special Houston Astros Edition (again)
Q. Is it true that Astros owner Jim Crane has hired Rudy Giuliani to visit Ukraine in search of proof that Hunter Biden was the mastermind behind the sign-stealing fiasco? (Rick LaDuca; Ashburn, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. If the Astros ever hire Bill Belichick and Tom Brady as manager and starting pitcher, respectively, will Rob Manfred preemptively suspend them as repeat cheaters? (Tom Walker; Colonie, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q.When MLB adds trash cans to its merchandise list, will they only be available with the Astros logo or will they include all teams with former Astros players/coaches? (David Roberts; Fairfax, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. How much trouble is Carlos Beltran's grandmother in for not providing proper guidance? (Ron Anderson; Lynnwood, Wash.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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The Houston Texans enter the 2025 season with momentum, expectations, and no shortage of spotlight games. A 9.5-win total in Vegas reflects growing national respect—but also pressure to deliver.
Hot start, big stage
Houston opens with a tough but marquee road test in Los Angeles against the Rams before returning to NRG for a Monday Night Football showdown against the Buccaneers.
Division duels define the path
As always, the AFC South is crucial. Houston faces five division games from Week 3 to Week 13, including a big Jaguars rematch in Week 10. If Trevor Lawrence takes the leap, and his top targets Brian Thomas Jr. and Travis Hunter live up to the hype, Jacksonville could be Houston’s biggest in-division threat. Still, with win totals sitting at 7.5 for both the Colts and Jaguars (and 5.5 for the Titans), the Texans have a clear path to control the South.
Midseason grind, late-season edge
The Week 6 bye comes at a smart spot, especially with brutal road games on the horizon: at Seahawks (MNF), home for the 49ers, and a revenge date in Baltimore—all within Weeks 5–8. The stretch from Week 12 to Week 14 (Bills, at Colts, at Chiefs) could define the Texans’ playoff seeding—or whether they make it at all.
But there’s hope in the home stretch. Three of their last four games are at NRG, where Houston has played its best football. If the team’s still in the hunt, hosting the Cardinals, Raiders, and potentially playing for the division title in Week 18 vs. the Colts is a favorable setup.
Key questions ahead
- Can Houston shake off last year’s road struggles? The trip to Kansas City, as well as cross-country flights to L.A., Seattle, and Baltimore, will test their resolve.
- Will they flip the script against NFC teams? Houston struggled in interconference matchups in 2024, and the 49ers, Rams, and Seahawks aren’t soft spots.
- Is C.J. Stroud ready for primetime pressure? Four national games—including two Mondays and a huge Sunday night at Arrowhead—give the Texans the stage. Now it’s about the performance.
Bottom Line:
The Texans’ 2025 schedule is packed with statement opportunities and divisional tests. There’s enough home cooking in December to fuel a playoff push—but Houston will have to prove it can handle the road, the spotlight, and the rising competition in its own backyard.
Offseason observations
The Texans made some calculated and intriguing moves this offseason, especially on offense. They added dynamic weapons in WRs Christian Kirk, Jaylin Noel and Jayden Higgins, along with RB Woody Marks, who profiles as the best receiving back in the draft—likely influenced by the Patriots’ historical use of third-down specialists like James White and Shane Vereen. OC Nick Caley, OL Coach Cole Popovich, and GM Nick Caserio all have a history with the Pats.
Protecting C.J. Stroud remains a clear priority too, as the Texans added OT Aireontae Ursery in the draft and created a true open competition on the offensive line through free agency, featuring a deep group.
One of the most notable moves recently was Higgins’ fully guaranteed four-year, $11.7 million deal—a rarity for non-first-rounders. That level of commitment from Caserio signals strong conviction in both Higgins’ talent and character. It also hints that Houston may have considered him with their original 25th overall pick before trading back. With Patriots alumni like Caley and Popovich now on staff, and Caserio pulling the strings, it’s clear the Texans are building a system that blends New England and Rams discipline with Houston’s new-wave of offensive firepower.
We have so much more to discuss. Don't miss the video below as we examine the topics above and much, much more!
*ChatGPT assisted.
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