THE COUCH SLOUCH
The Slouch looks at the rest of the NBA season (plus another Astros-related Q&A)
Feb 17, 2020, 7:09 am
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As is our annual tradition at the NBA all-star break, Couch Slouch looks ahead to the remainder of the season – laced with remarkable perspicacity* – at no additional cost to you, the reader.
Yes, I will provide the acumen of subscription-based The Athletic and the access of pricey NBA League Pass…ALL FOR FREE.
Let's do it!
It used to be, "NBA Action, It's FANtastic." Now it's, "NBA Action, Bombs Away!" For much of NBA history, a basket was worth two points. In 1979, they decided that some baskets – from longer distances – would be three points. Then more recently, some analytic smart alecks figured out that three-point baskets were worth one more point than two-point baskets, so let's just make three-point baskets.
The game has changed.
The Milwaukee Bucks' 7-foot center, Brook Lopez, has taken more three-point shots this season (242) than two-point shots (234). The Dallas Mavericks' Kristaps Porzingis, at 7-foot-3, is the tallest man on the floor, yet he has taken almost as many three-pointers (277) as two-pointers (362).
We have evolved from those Pistons'-Bad-Boys, Pat-Riley-with-the-Knicks 88-85 slugfests of the late 1980s and early '90s to the current-day 128-126 playground skirmishes. The games have gone from rugby matches to the Ice Capades.
The fast-break layup has morphed into the fast-break 23-footer.
There is feasibly a middle ground between 88-85 and 128-126; I don't know what that exact number would be, but I always vote for the middle ground.
Three cheers for Ben Simmons, the three-ball contrarian. The multi-skilled Philadelphia 76ers' point guard will not do what everyone wants him to do – take three-point shots. You know how some kids have a mental block about math? Simmons has a mental block about three-pointers.
In his first two NBA seasons, Simmons did not make a three-pointer, attempting only 17 of them. This season he is two-for-six from beyond the arc.
You be you, Ben, two points at a time.
I stand with Simmons: Years ago, newspaper editors insisted I write longer articles with bigger words. No way, I told them – I write short and I use one-syllable words. And I'm still here.
(* "Perspicacity" is a rare exception.)
If it were up to Gregg Popovich, no one would ever take a 25-foot shot. One of the NBA's greatest coaches ever and one of the most severe critics of three-ball, Popovich is in danger of having two remarkable streaks end: In 22 full seasons of helming the San Antonio Spurs, he has never had a losing record and never missed the postseason.
"I've hated the three for 20 years," Popovich said in 2018. At the moment the Spurs are 28th out of 30 NBA teams in three-point shots made and 29th in three-pointers attempted.
The Spurs are 23-31 – five games out of a playoff spot – and their best chance might be to petition the league for transfer into the Eastern Conference.
As usual, the Eastern Conference should be quarantined. The 19-38 Detroit Pistons have a better chance of making the East playoffs than the 33-22 Oklahoma Thunder and 33-22 Dallas Mavericks have of earning home-court advantage in the West playoffs.
Then again, the Pistons also have a better chance of making the playoffs than Ben Simmons does of ever making another three-point shot.
The Golden State Warriors have gone from penthouse to outhouse, three points at a time. Many folks – I am not among them – are delighted that the Warriors, after five straight NBA Finals appearances with consecutive seasons of 67-15, 73-9, 67-15, 58-24 and 57-25, currently have an NBA-worst 12-43 record.
Enjoy it while you can.
Next season, aside from a core of young talent and the likely No. 1 overall pick in the draft, the Warriors will also have all-star Draymond Green, plus the return of the NBA's greatest three-point-shooting back court ever, Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson.
Zion Williamson is the real deal. But he's only taking one three-pointer per game. DO THE MATH, son: 3 > 2.
Ask The Slouch - Special Houston Astros Edition (again)
Q. Is it true that Astros owner Jim Crane has hired Rudy Giuliani to visit Ukraine in search of proof that Hunter Biden was the mastermind behind the sign-stealing fiasco? (Rick LaDuca; Ashburn, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. If the Astros ever hire Bill Belichick and Tom Brady as manager and starting pitcher, respectively, will Rob Manfred preemptively suspend them as repeat cheaters? (Tom Walker; Colonie, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q.When MLB adds trash cans to its merchandise list, will they only be available with the Astros logo or will they include all teams with former Astros players/coaches? (David Roberts; Fairfax, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. How much trouble is Carlos Beltran's grandmother in for not providing proper guidance? (Ron Anderson; Lynnwood, Wash.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
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Yordan Alvarez belted two home runs and drove in three runs, rookie right-hander Spencer Arrighetti struck out a season-high 13 over seven innings and the Houston Astros beat the Boston Red Sox 5-4 on Saturday.
Zach Dezenzo hit his first major-league homer and Alex Bregman added a solo shot for the AL West-leading Astros, who won their second straight over Boston and fourth straight overall.
Danny Jansen and Masataka Yoshida each had a solo homer for the Red Sox, who lost a series for the first time in their last four.
In recording his 19th career multi-homer game, Alvarez improved his lofty career numbers in Fenway Park, where he’s batting .463 with seven homers and 19 RBIs. He entered the day leading all AL hitters with a .354 average in road games.
His second shot came off a slider from Brad Keller (0-3) and traveled an estimated 422 feet into the right-field seats.
Arrighetti (5-10) gave up just two hits — the solo homers — and walked one in his 92-pitch outing.
Josh Hader got the final three outs for his 25th save despite giving up Rafael Devers’ leadoff double. It was his 25th straight successful save opportunity, which is a club record.
Alvarez had given Houston a 1-0 lead when he sent Josh Winckowski’s changeup over Boston’s bullpen in the first.
Bregman’s seventh-inning drive sailed deep in the batters’ eye in center off Keller. Dezenzo’s went over Green Monster seats in left.
Wilyer Abreu’s two-run single sliced Boston’s deficit to 5-4 in the eighth.
Called up from Triple-A Sugar Land in April to fill an opening in Houston’s injury-depleted rotation, the 24-year-old Arrighetti kept Boston’s hitters off balance by mixing his mid-90 mph fastball with a change, sweeper and curveball until Jansen hit a first-pitch fastball completely out of Fenway over the Monster to open the fifth.
Arrighetti, the club’s top pitching prospect entering the season, was coming off his best start in his last outing, when he struck out 12 over six innings, holding Tampa Bay to one run in a tough-luck loss.
TRAINER’S ROOM
Astros: RHP Kendall Graveman (right shoulder surgery) threw off the Fenway Park mound before the game. Manager Joe Espada said it was around 10 pitches and they’ll wait to see how he feels before the next step. … RHP Justin Verlander (neck discomfort) was still expected to make a rehab start for Triple-A Sugar Land on Saturday night.
Red Sox: RHP Liam Hendriks threw his second live BP, this time off the Fenway mound as he continues his return from ulnar collateral ligament surgery last August. He’s expected to throw another on Tuesday or Wednesday and could go on a rehab assignment after that. “Today was better than the other day,” he said. “The other day we noticed a couple of things. We, I mean, the coaching staff and my wife. She pulled up (clips) of how I used to pitch.” … 1B Triston Casas (strained rib since mid-April) continues his rehab assignment with Triple-A Worcester. Manager Alex Cora said he won’t be back this weekend or the upcoming three games against Texas.
UP NEXT
RHP Hunter Brown (9-7, 3.98 ERA) is set to go for the Astros in Sunday’s series finale against LHP James Paxton (9-3, 4.42), who is making his third start with Boston since he was acquired in a trade from the Dodgers.