The Couch Slouch
The Slouch's Super Bowl viewing guide (and a special Astros version of Ask the Slouch)
Jan 27, 2020, 6:55 am
The Couch Slouch
History repeats itself, unless it doesn't.
(And they say a University of Maryland education is worthless.)
So here's some history worth repeating: In February 1999, President Clinton, after being impeached by the House of Representatives, was acquitted by the Senate; Super Bowl 33 that year was played in Miami. In February 2020, President Trump, after being impeached by the House, likely will be acquitted by the Senate; Super Bowl 54 this year will be played in Miami.
In Super Bowl 33, the AFC champion Denver Broncos beat the NFC champion Atlanta Falcons, 34-19. In Super Bowl 54, it is almost fated that the AFC champion Kansas City Chiefs will beat the NFC champion San Francisco 49ers by the EXACT SAME SCORE, 34-19.
Wow.
And now, as a public service, I am here to provide my 54th annual Super Bowl Viewing Guide (for Super Bowl Parties of Six or More):
This is the Chiefs' first Super Bowl appearance in 50 years. A lot is being made of this. You know who is tired of hearing it? Fans of the Cleveland Browns, Detroit Lions, Houston Texans and Jacksonville Jaguars, the four NFL teams yet to play in a Super Bowl.
Here is a fun Patrick Mahomes factoid. In the 2014 MLB draft, he was selected in the 37th round by the Detroit Tigers. This means that the Tigers have drafted one more Super Bowl quarterback than the Lions have.
Here is a fun Patrick Mahomes observation. He is Stephen Curry in cleats.
I'm not a big nepotism fan – what did my dad ever do for me? – but it sure pays the bills. Mike Shanahan and Kyle Shanahan are the first father-son Super Bowl head-coaching duo; the elder Shanahan won back-to-back titles with the Denver Broncos and son Kyle is the 49ers' honcho. Meanwhile, Joe Buck is calling his sixth Super Bowl for Fox; his dad Jack Buck broadcast Super Bowl 4 on CBS with Pat Summerall.
Family ties are big in sports AND politics. John Adams was the second president (1797-1801) and son John Quincy Adams was the sixth (1825-29). It happened again with George H.W. Bush (1989-93) and George W. Bush (2001-2009). And Donald Trump and Donald Trump Jr. could very well become the first father-son presidential combo to be impeached.
Jimmy Garoppolo apparently completes more passes off the field than on the field. The 49ers quarterback reportedly has dated adult film star Kiara Mia, model Alexandra King and, recently, a VIP bottle-service gal from Sacramento. With the ladies, he makes Tom Brady look like Trent Dilfer.
Here is a controversial take I do not apologize for – on Super Bowl Sunday, dogs are okay and spouses are optional. Toni, a k a She Is The One (And Then Some), will attest to this: I have thrown her out of the house so I can watch in peace, but our beloved pit mix Daisy is allowed to sit by my side, licking herself through endless replay reviews ITAL and END ITAL critical third downs.
There are other, more sobering viewing options on Sunday. For those of you who miss the presence of the New England Patriots, I suggest the three-part Netflix docuseries, Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez.
Your guests deserve wise choices on food and beverage. No to kale, no to quinoa, no to chard, no to coconut water, no to all Budweiser products. Yes to Yuengling, Dr. Brown's Black Cherry soda, San Pellegrino sparkling water, Fritos, olives, capocollo, pigs in a blanket and cacio e pepe.
Super Bowl prop bets are bigger than ever. They're usually bad bets. My favorite? William Hill sports book is offering 9,999-1 odds on the Chiefs scoring exactly four points. Four points? When's the last time an NFL team scored four points? Like, maybe, NEVER. So why waste a dollar? Plus, this should pay 999,999-1, not 9,999-1. Geez.
Only one prop bet is an (almost) sure winner. Heads or tails on the coin flip: It's tails. Trust me. No one has flipped more coins than Couch Slouch. I flip a coin every morning – heads I get dressed, tails I go back to sleep – and I'm in bed almost the entire week.
Special Houston Astros Edition
Q. Will MLB be investigating whether the infamous Cleveland Indians drum-playing fan is actually relaying signs to Indians hitters, or does the team's lack of success make it a moot point? (Dan Cantwell; Albany, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. Will the Astros be able to hit major league pitching if they don't know what pitch is coming? (Michael Seltz; Alexandria, Va.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. Will any win over the Astros in the future be described as a buzzer beater? (John Haluska; Guilderland, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. How might the Astros have fared if Mitch McConnell were commissioner instead of Rob Manfred? (Joe Salo; Latham, N.Y.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
Q. Does MLB' s one-year suspension of A.J. Hinch prevent him from getting a job with the New England Patriots? (Bruce Ellisen; Washington, D.C.)
A. Pay the man, Shirley.
You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. Just email asktheslouch@aol.com and, if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!
Cal Raleigh approached the All-Star Home Run Derby like a day on the lawn. Dad was on the mound and baby brother was behind the plate.
Only this time, there were tens of thousands looking on at Truist Park and a $1 million prize.
“It goes all the way back to him coming home and me forcing him to throw me a ball and hit it in the backyard or in the house or something probably shouldn’t be doing,” a beaming Cal said, flanked by Todd and Todd Jr. after defeating Tampa Bay’s Junior Caminero 18-15 in the final round Monday night.
Todd Raleigh, former coach of Tennessee and Western Carolina, threw the pitches and Cal’s 15-year-old brother, Todd Raleigh Jr., did the catching. A first-time All-Star at age 28, Cal became the first switch-hitter and first catcher to win the title. He’s the second Mariners player to take the title after three-time winner Ken Griffey Jr., who was on the field, snapping photos.
“Anybody that’s ever played baseball as a kid dreams of stuff like this,” Cal’s dad said. “I dreamed of it. He dreamed of it. When you’re a parent, you look at it differently because you want your kids to be happy.”
Leading the major leagues with 38 home runs at the All-Star break, Cal almost didn’t make it past the first round. The Mariners’ breakout slugger nicknamed Big Dumper and the Athletics’ Brent Rooker each hit 17 homers, and Raleigh advanced on a tiebreaker for longest long ball: 470.61 feet to 470.53 — or 0.96 inches. At first, Cal wasn’t aware whether there would be a swing-off.
“An inch off, and I’m not even in the final four, which is amazing,” Cal said. “So I guess I got lucky there. One extra biscuit.”
Raleigh totaled 54 homers. He won his semifinal 19-13 over Pittsburgh’s Oneil Cruz, whose 513-foot first-round drive over the right-center field seats was the longest of the night.
Cal Raleigh's #HRDerby by the numbers:
Total HR: 54
HR of 425+: 31
Top distance: 471 ft
Avg distance: 430 ft
Total distance: 23,212 ft
Top exit velo: 112 MPH
Avg exit velo: 102 MPH pic.twitter.com/0pV6nGWLsA
— MLB (@MLB) July 15, 2025
Cal’s brother, nicknamed T, kept yelling encouragement to the brother he so admires.
“His swag, the way he plays, the way he hustles,” T said.
Hitting second in the final round, the 22-year-old Caminero closed within three dingers — MLB counted one that a fan outfielder caught with an over-the-wall grab. Using a multicolored bat and down to his last out, Caminero took three pitches and hit a liner to left.
“I didn’t think I was going to hit as many home runs or make it to the finals,” Caminero said through a translator.
Cal was just the second Derby switch-hitter after Baltimore’s Adley Rutschman in 2023. His dad was a righty and wanted both his sons to hit from both sides.
“Did it from the first day, when he was in diapers, literally,” Todd Sr. said. “I would take that big ball and he had a big red bat. I’d throw it slow and he’d hit it. Then I’d say stay there, pick him up, turn him around, switch his hands and do it again. I was a catcher. I played a little bit, and I just knew what a premium it was. I didn’t want either one of my boys to ever say, am I right-handed or left-handed?”
There was a downside.
“I don’t recommend it if you have two kids, they’re both switch hitters, if you want to save your arm, because that’s a lot of throwing,” said dad, who had rotator cuff surgery.
Raleigh hit his first eight homers left-handed, took a timeout, then hit seven right-handed. Going back to lefty, he hit two more in the bonus round and stayed lefty for the rest of the night.
“Was grooving a little bit more lefty so we were like, since we have a chance to win, we might as well stick to the side that’s working a little better,” Cal said.
Caminero beat Minnesota’s Byron Buxton 8-7 in the other semifinal. Atlanta’s Matt Olson, Washington’s James Wood, the New York Yankees’ Jazz Chisholm Jr. and Rooker were eliminated in the first round of the annual power show.
Cruz’s long drive was the hardest-hit at 118 mph.
Wood hit 16 homers, including one that landed on the roof of the Chop House behind the right-field wall. Olson, disappointing his hometown fans, did not go deep on his first nine swings and finished with 15, Chisholm hit just three homers, the fewest since the timer format started in 2015.fter it was all over, the Raleighs headed out. Stephanie, the boys’ mom and Todd Sr.'s wife, is surrounded by baseball.
After it was all over, the Raleighs headed out. Stephanie, the boys’ mom and Todd Sr.'s wife, is surrounded by baseball.
“We kind of leave it in the cage. We’ve got a cage at home, a building,” Todd Sr. said. “Or we leave it in the car on the rides home. There’s probably been a few times where she says, yeah, that’s enough.”